We’re not selling this deal anymore, but you can buy it at Amazon

3-Pack: Unsimply Stitched Socks

  • You get a three pack of socks… but, like, pairs of socks. That’s 6 total socks!
  • Each pair in each three pack is a different pattern, so choose wisely. Or choose un-wisely. Just choose, okay?
  • For men’s shoe sizes 7-12.
  • Model: UNST3PCK (which looks like a vanity plate I would spend a long time trying to understand).
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What Lies Beneath

Hello, it is me, a very real high-powered business man. The city I live in is known as the Big Apple because everyone wants a bite. As for my mouth? It’s always full. At least, metaphorically. Sometimes, I get up early and stand naked in front of the windows of my penthouse, look at the city, and think: this mess of concrete and passion is going to eat me alive one day. That is, if I don’t eat it first. So I guess it’s a good thing I was born hungry. Again, I’m speaking in metaphor. In the literal sense, I am rarely hungry because I am always eating high-priced steak dinners.

On the street I work, which is known as Wall Street, the motto is ABC: all 'bout currency. It overrules everything, this drive for profit. When you’re there, on the market floor holding up a ticket (sometimes shouting, “buy, buy, buy,” and at other times, “sell, sell, sell”) you can start to feel like the cog in a machine, a money-printing machine. And it’s okay, because you’re not just the machine; you’re also the bin at the end of the machine that collects some of the money. But what use is money if we forget that we’re human?

That’s why, under my various fine suits, which cost as much as some houses, I wear these Unsimply Stitched Socks. They have fun patterns that keep me from blending in with my surroundings. They remind me that I’m not just some robot put on this earth to make money. I’m a man with a personality, from a small town in the state of Kansas. My father wanted me to take over the family farm where we grew the various crops the region is known for, but I said, “No.” He used to toil all day on a tractor. Now, thanks to me, he toils all day on a tractor made of gold.

Okay, maybe the socks don’t really have much to do with Kansas or my dad. But they are fun. And I am a fun person. You should see me at the various discos I frequent. But that will have to wait until the weekend. Right now, me and my Unsimply Stitched Socks need to get to a power-lunch with a few clients. After that, I will hail a cab with my briefcase. Because this place never stops moving, not even at night. That’s why they call it “the city that is always awake.”

And you bought...

  • 2000 of these.
  • Sold out at 12:10am ET (see more)
  • That’s $23234 total.
  • (including shipping)

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