Look Cool, Be Cold

Look, we can’t help you decide whether or not you should buy these Puffin insulated beverage coolers. You’re either going to see them and think, Aww, funny! Koozies that look like clothes! or you’re not going to be interested.

What we can help you with is deciding what to put in them. Our recommendation? A nice, tasty craft beer.

Here are a few notable ones that just hit the market:

The Black Cat Barrel-Aged Feral-Aged Imperial Stout from Snakes on the Grain Beer Lab

First, Gail Harrison and her team of brewers made a thick and syrupy Russian Imperial stout. Then, they put it into a bourbon barrel. Then, they put this bourbon barrel under the porch of Gail Harrison’s house, where a family of feral cats had taken residence. The cats brought the barrel into their family and treated it as one of their own for 16 months. The result is a beer exploding with notes of smoky chocolate from the malt, vanilla and woodiness from the barrel, and a hard-to-describe sense of both cuteness and danger imparted by the cats.

Tea Time Extra Bitter Special Mild, from 'Cross The Pond English Inspired Ales

“Your taste buds are about to go on holiday, because this fine ale packs a lorry-load of flavor! Just don’t drink too many of them while watching footie, or you might miss a goal going to the loo!” reads the label of the newest brew from 'Cross The Pond English Inspired Ales, a brewery founded by Chad Nebbitt, who’s never been to England and whose beers all sorta just taste like amber lagers.

Crystal-Crisp Super Session Clear IPA, from Foam-It-In Brewing

From an interview with head brewer, Carl Melvins: “You have to understand, these craft beer dorks? They’re sheep. They think they’re transgressive, cool guys, drinking artisanal ales and lagers, but they are some of the biggest trend-chasing clout-hoarders there are. All you gotta do is tell these people something’s special, and they’ll be begging to lap it out of your hands. This clear, smooth IPA that weighs in at 0.0% abv? It’s water. Tap water. These losers see us pour it straight from the faucet, and they still pay eight bucks for a ten-ounce snifter. Recently, we released a new variant–The Wet-Sudded Crystal-Crisp Super Session Clear IPA. You know what that was? Water with a drop of Dawn Dish Soap in it. On Untappd, it’s got a 4.47 out of 5. People said it had a pleasant bitterness. This is awesome. I’m gonna buy a Porsche.”

Wow, they all sound delicious. And they’ll stay deliciously cold in your Puffin insulated beverage cooler!