From Salami to Salam-you

What we’ve got here are three 10" long, 2" diameter chubs of

Oh, sorry to leave you hanging there. I started typing that sentence but only made it that far before I broke into a laughing fit that lasted for three hours, because I am fourteen years old at heart.

Anyway, what we’ve got here are three 10" chubs (deep breaths) of gourmet salami. You get: one chub of Calabrese salame, inspired by the Calabrian style from Southern Italy; one chub of the salametto, made with sea salt, black pepper, red wine, and a hint of garlic; and one chub of the salametto piccante, which is a chorizo-style salami.

They’re all super delicious! Also, they’re usually about $25 per chub (we’re just going to keep using that word), while this three-pack of chubs is just $29. In other words, there’s no decision to make; at this price, you HAVE to buy these things!

Okay, well, there’s actually one decision you still need to consider: what kind of beverage you’ll pair with them. Now, experts say the best thing to drink with salty pork is a salty, porky beverage. You know, a pig drink, something like:

• A martini: bacon, not stirred
• A refreshing summer shandy, from Loinenkugels
• A delicious, malty Hamber Bock
• A mug of creamy, festive egg n’hog
• A frothy stein of Hocktoberfest beer
• A nice peachy pork belly-ni
• A glass of dry, sparkling prossecreto
• A flavorful pint of Sam Adams Boston Butt Roast Lager
• A glass of luscious red wine from the chicha-Rhône region of France
• A simple old can of Boars Light

Can I be honest? These are some of the best terrible puns I’ve ever done. And these are some of the best (and maybe only?) salami we’ve ever sold. So get some!