The Saturday Sign-Up-A-Thon, Part 1

LARRY: Hello, all and welcome, to our first ever Saturday Sign-Up-A-Thon, when we take a break from talking about the products to talk to YOU, our newly minted Meh customers! Because there is NO better time than right now to tell your friends and neighbors to join Meh! Our operators are standing by. Okay, maybe they’re not. This is the internet, after all, ha ha! The ‘operators’ are just computers, like this one! And you can’t talk to a computer, ha ha! Watch and see!

[LARRY walks to the computer. It is the only other thing in the room.]

LARRY: Say, computer, where’s the door out of this room?

COMPUTER: …

LARRY: Aw, shucks, not the talkative type, I see, ha ha! I’ll find it soon enough. Anyway, who needs the door now? My work is just getting started. We’ve got a very special guest, our newest Meh user! But first, I just want to tell you about Membership. What is a Member, you ask? It’s our new program for loyal…members! You get free shipping for Meh, Casemates, and Morningsave, and much more! Why, that should be enough for even a computer like you to come suddenly to life and point excitedly at the door!

COMPUTER: …

LARRY: Okay, fine. Anyway, without further ado, we have our first very special guest! Meet, Allie Henderson! Welcome, Allie!

[ALLIE enters from somewhere unseen. LARRY looks behind her. His eyes search but find nothing.]

ALLIE: Thank you for having me! I’m so excited to be here!

LARRY: And what excites you most, Allie?

ALLIE: Well, Blazing Saddles is a favorite of many, whereas members of another generation often prefer Spaceballs, but I’m looking for a community where we can indulge in discussing some of the lesser-discussed Brooks classics. High Anxiety, for example. Even Dracula: Dead and Loving It has redeeming qualities.

LARRY: Oh no, she put in the wrong url. She thinks she’s at a Mel Brooks fan site. But keep it together, Larry. You can still close this deal.

ALLIE: Sorry, what was that? I couldn’t hear you.

LARRY: Oh, nothing, just that, you know what’s as great as the genius of Mel Brooks films? Products sold at a great discount!

ALLIE: Hey, why don’t you have any movie posters up?

LARRY: Because, uh… well, you see… uhh… Hey, I know. Let’s try this: what’s different from ‘Mel’ by one letter? It’s Meh! A deal-a-day site!

ALLIE: I’m going to click the back button now.

LARRY: No, Allie, wait!

[ALLIE begins to dissolve.]

LARRY: What? How are you doing that?! Take me with you!

ALLIE: I can’t, Larry. I’m just someone surfing the internet. I was never here in the first place.

[ALLIE disappears, leaving LARRY alone.]

LARRY: Well, that didn’t go great. But, hey! We’ll be back again next week to try again! Although, maybe not “back,” ha ha! Because it doesn’t look like I’m leaving. Unless you want to point me to the door, my good computer sir?

COMPUTER: …