Too late It’s over

24-Pack: Celsius Energy Drinks (12oz or 16oz)

Zero calories, but lotsa energy
Got some vitamins and stuff too
Usually way pricier than this
We have a signed letter from Celsius that states these are good for 7 months past their dating
The dates on these cans are 3/10/23-3/28/23, so finish 'em by October
Are they Mac compatible: The packaging is a little aggressive, honestly; it’ll look out of place next to your MacBook

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Energize

Yesterday, we sold meat sticks. Today, we’re selling energy drinks. Gosh, we really are becoming a gas station convenience store, aren’t we? What’s next? CBD shots and a bunch of cables and electronic knick knacks like they have on the little spinning thing at the checkout counter?

What’s that? The product we just described account for roughly 85% what we sell here? Oh shit, you’re right. We already ARE the gas station convenience store.

So, here’s the thing, and we’ve discussed this before: it’s sorta hard to write about energy drinks. People are either energy drink people or they’re not.

If you aren’t into them, there’s little we can say to get you to buy any. Like, we could send you to Amazon, where CELSIUS drinks have a rating of 4.7 out of 5, based on a very robust 95,363 reviews, and we could point out that, broken down by feature, these get a 4 on flavor. But if you don’t enjoy energy drinks, you’re probably not going to like the way they taste. Because all energy drinks taste a little weird.

(Although, quick tangent: if you think about it, the fact that they only taste a little weird is pretty impressive. After all, many drinks like these from CELSIUS have a seemingly impossible task. They need to be loaded with caffeine and vitamins and all sorts of other stuff and they also have to have zero calories. The fact that they taste slightly unnatural and not like pure chemical madness is actually a feat of science.)

If, on the other hand, you’re an energy drink aficionado (which is a nice way of saying “addict”), then you probably already know more about CELSIUS drinks than we do, and can expound upon their better qualities and drawbacks and compare them to stuff like Bang in terms that other energy drink fans (again, read: addicts) can understand.

In which case, please go and do that in the comments!

To the rest of you: come back tomorrow. Maybe we’ll be selling stale apple fritters or scratch-offs or some premium unleaded.