Hypr-Annoying

We’ve come a long way, in terms of bluetooth speakers.

Tiny ones sound a lot better than they did ten years ago. The problem? Big ones also sound a lot better than they did ten years ago, and, being bigger, still sound much better than tiny ones. Still, you don’t always want to haul some mega speaker out to the beach just for some background tunes.

So then what do you do when you want something that’s not so big but also sounds better than most Bonne-Maman-jar-sized options?

You buy these Pure-Hypr Sound Babiez, that’s what. They’re little, yes, but there are two of them so you can pair them both to your phone together and play music… in STEREO! That means they won’t sound tinny and isolated. They’ll sound… well, probably still a little tinny, but definitely not isolated.

Is that worth the 40ish bucks they cost on Amazon? Probably not. So it’s a good thing we’re selling you both for just $15. As in, less than half-price.

But there is still one thing we need to address: Yes, these are called “Pure-Hypr Sound Babiez.” Which is an amazing amalgamation of present-day annoyingness. The word ‘Pure’ attached, via an unnecessary hyphen, to a second adjective, ‘hyper,’ which has been rendered vowel-less in the way so many tech brands seem to think is good and cool? Gross. Then, there’s the issue of ‘Sound Babiez.’ Like, even without the s-to-z conversion, it still calls to mind ‘fur babies,’ a near criminal offense of cringe all on its own.

Here’s the thing, though. Just look at these pictures of them.

Here they are from the side:

And here they are from the bottom:

Do you see what we’re seeing? Because we’re not seeing anything.

By which we mean: as far as we can tell, it doesn’t say, in big bold letters, “Pure-Hypr Sound Babiez” anywhere on these. That means nobody has to know you own something called “Pure-Hypr Sound Babiez.” And if anyone says, “Hey, sick speakers! What kind are they?” you can just be like, “Oh, just some budget ones I got off Meh.”

In conclusion, you should buy these Pure-Hypr Sound Bab-- you know what, let’s just say, little speakers.