Go Outside

What are we selling today? Well, we’ll tell you.

And you know what? That sets us apart from certain sites these days. Just take our friends over at Casemates, for example. Can you believe they’re selling a mystery case today? That’s right, for just about $95, you can get a whole bunch of wine, which is cool. But they won’t even tell you what’s in it! Absolutely nuts, right?

But again, we’re not pulling any tricks like that here. Nope, we’ll come right out and say that we’ve got a couple powerful little bluetooth speakers built to be used outdoors. You can bring one to the beach, to the park, on a hike, use it poolside, whatever.

But, perhaps the most exciting thing?

Each of them comes with a clip that allows you to connect it to your bike handle!

That means, these are the perfect bluetooth speakers if you want to hit some local bike trails this summer.

Just remember, while these often paved thoroughfares aren’t beholden to the same laws as the real road, there are certain rules you’ll be expected to follow.

Such as:

1. Despite everyone having access, at all times, to just about the sum total of all music humans have ever created, you are only allowed to play classic rock recorded between 1961 and 1979 while biking on a bike trail.

2. Always be courteous. If you see a pedestrian, get within one foot of them and call out “ON YOUR LEFT!” before passing. And remember: allow some space. Like, an inch or so.

3. Don’t forget, there’s safety in numbers, so always ride with a buddy. Or two buddies. Or three. Or, actually, maybe just ride in a group of, like, fifteen. That way, you have the mass to run any suspicious-looking joggers or stroller pushers right off the side of the trail into the bushes.

4. It’s not all about speed. If you come to a sharp corner, ease off the pedals. And if the corner is blind, really slow down and stick to your side. And if the trail takes you to a bridge, come to a complete stop. And while you’re stopped drink four Coors Lights while shooting the shit with other cyclists, ensuring one of your wheels remains out, so others have to stop too, even pedestrians.

Okay, look. This was obviously written by someone who uses the local trail system for walking/jogging. So, cyclists, come at me in the comments if you want.

But please, don’t come at me on the trail blasting Led Zeppelin. Unless it’s out of one of these nifty bluetooth speakers we’re selling today. That, I’ll allow.