So Done With This

Kenmore describes these flip-action thermometers like this:

A simple flip tells you when that turkey is ready. A simple flip allows for compact storage. A simple flip is all it takes with this essential flip-action thermometer.

This is slightly disingenuous. Yes, the flippability does allow for semi-compact storage, but when it comes to using them, it actually adds a step to the process. Like, you don’t have to flip open a normal food thermometer to test your turkey, do you?

But that’s splitting hairs. After all, we’re selling 2 of these things for just 10 bucks. In other words, we’re not going to pretend that they’re the latest and greatest in check-if-your-stuff-is-cooked technology. At $5 a pop, all you can really hope for is something that gives you a close enough estimate to the internal temperature, so that you can know:

A. if you don’t take that out of the oven right now, you will need a fucking chainsaw to cut through the dry jaw workout that was supposed to be a roasted chicken.

Or, and this is much worse…

B. if you don’t keep cooking this, you will have an unpleasant eating experience followed later, at 2am, by a sweaty date with the toilet, during which your mouth and your behind will both (maybe even simultaneously) profess their toxic shivering love.

Which is what these thermometers provide: just enough knowledge so that you know you aren’t going to poison yourself or give yourself carpal tunnel and a sore jaw.

And all it takes for them to be yours is… a simple click! (And then maybe one or two more simple clicks after that.)