We’re not selling this deal anymore, but you can buy it at Amazon

2-Pack: 3 in 1 Waterproof Lantern Bug Zapper with Rechargeable Battery

  • Creates a 16 by 6 foot zone mosquitos DARE NOT ENTER
  • Easy to recharge and take with you
  • Plus, it’s waterproof
  • I.e. it’s good for camping
  • Model: 3PX-BZLAMP2K-GRY, 3PX-BZLAMP2K-YLW, 3PX-BZLAMP2K-GRN, because it makes the bugs go BZLAMP! (It actually doesn’t make much noise)
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Who Gives A Zap

Let’s talk some numbers:

  • Though it depends on the species, many mosquitos living outside don’t live longer than 2 or 3 weeks.
  • The average human lifespan is 79 years.

Putting that in terms of minutes:

  • Being generous and assuming a mosquito lives 3 whole weeks, that means its lifespan is approximately 30,240 minutes.
  • The average human’s lifespan is approximately 41,550,840 minutes (accounting for leap years).

Quite the disparity, right?

Now, this means:

  • The human lifespan is over 1,374 times longer than a mosquito’s life.
  • The equivalent of a human year in mosquito terms is about 382.5 minutes, or just over 6 hours.
  • Dividing that by 365, you get 1.048, meaning: a 1.048 minutes is the equivalent of a human day.
  • Dividing that by 24, you get about 0.04, or 2.4 seconds, the mosquito equivalent of a human hour.

Am I confident in these calculations? No. Not at all. If I was a good at math, would I be doing copywriting for a deal-a-day site? C’mon.

The point is: when a mosquito bites you, it might feel like a second of discomfort, but it’s not. It’s an entire mosquito-hour, if not more. Which is to say nothing about the minutes (i.e. mosquito-days and mosquito-weeks) the mosquito spends buzzing around your head before it finally makes its approach.

And if it succeeds? If it gets a good bite in? That’s leaving a mark that will last entire mosquito-lifetimes, perhaps even bridging mosquito-generations.

In other words: a mosquito bite is an act of war. So why not get a couple of these Waterproof Lantern Bug Zappers. They’ve got rechargeable batteries. They’re portable. They’re waterproof. They can even work as a camping lantern.

But most importantly, they’ll easily (and noiselessly) take down the swarms of foes who desire to spend entirely too much of their sad little lives feasting on your blood.

Just outliving them isn’t enough anymore. It’s time to fight back.

So far today...

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  • (including shipping)

Who's buying this crap?

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