2-for-Tuesday: Speks Super Big Magnetic Balls

This Father’s Day, get your dad what he’s always wanted: big magnetized balls!
Because what is a Father’s Day gift without unnerving freudian implications?!
Seriously, you said the last Speks we sold were too small, so enjoy these two sets of five 33mm magnetic balls (each with a magnetic base).
While we’re pushing to get these to everyone in time for Father’s Day, it looks like some of you will get these the day after. Sorry, Dad.
Model: Super5. Which sounds either like a knock-off version of the Justice League or a supplement I’d stir into my coffee in the morning to “improve my memory.”

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It All Dads Up

There are a few types of dads out there.

First, there’s the Direct Dad. This dad will come to you, before Father’s Day, and either insinuate or outright tell you what he’d like. He may work through a proxy, like your mom, or make the statement himself. “Sure could use a new drill,” he might say. Or: “Saw something on TV that looked neat.” Or you might just wake up one morning to an Amazon link in your inbox.

Then there’s Dad Of No Desire. This dad says he doesn’t want anything for his birthday, or for Christmas, or for Father’s Day, and he means it. Even a call can be a bit much. You get him on the phone and he might be frustrated that you’re interrupting what is the one Father’s Day gift he’s always wanted: a damn day to himself.

These are the easy dads to shop for. You know what you need to get, or you know you don’t need to get anything.

The more difficult dad to shop for is the Disingenuous Dad. A lifetime of feigning stoic masculinity has lead him to believe that he cannot outright ask for a gift. He thinks that he must say he wants nothing because he doesn’t technically need anything. But he does want something. And when we say something, we mean exactly that: an undefined object that he can look at and say, ‘Oh,’ or ‘Huh,’ and then later enjoy privately.

That’s why you should get him this set giant Speks. He’ll put them on his desk at home or at work and he’ll stare at them for a while, puzzled. But over time, he won’t be able to help it. He’ll start to absentmindedly fiddle, clicking them together and pulling them apart while he’s on a long boring call or reading an article. And he’ll enjoy them in a way he won’t be able to articulate, which is perfect, because many dads prefer to avoid articulation altogether.

And yes, maybe it’s silly to get a dad a toy for Father’s Day. But what are dads if not children who grew up and had children themselves?

2-for-Tuesday: Speks Super Big Magnetic Balls

It All Dads Up

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