I Was Born An Ambien Man

As airlines scale back on amenities like food, legroom, and human dignity, its important to find a way to render yourself insensate while inflight. These Gabba Goods Bluetooth eye masks can shield you from the harsh reality of modern commercial aviation. But so can tranquilizers. Its about weighing the pros and cons.Meh writer and frequent flyer @skemmehs here writing from Bali, which I reached after an impossibly long series of flights that I managed with the help of an eye mask, some over-ear headphones, and Xanax.You may not need prescription sedatives in order to melt a 15-hour flight into a timeless void. This silly-looking-but-effective eye mask may be enough. Or you may be one of those freaks who can fall asleep instantly and indefinitely from even a middle seat. But if not, here are some other options:(For the love of God please consult your physician before using any of these. Dont make pharmaceutical decisions based on a half-funny, half-assed product description from a deal-a-day site).Xanax (Alprazolam)Pros: You know the song that goes, Ill stop the world and melt with you? That was written by Xanax. You can tell its working when your face starts sliding off your face.Cons: Taken too early or late in your flight could lead to hilarious consequences as you try to pull up your boarding pass for the gate agent through a thick, velveteen fog. Oh also it has a high potential for abuse.Ambien (Zolpidem)Pros: Aggressively turns human consciousness to the off position.Cons: Should (seriously) not be taken with the free alcohol that is half the fun of international flights.ZzzQuil (Diphenhydramine HCl)Pros: Is an over-the-counter sleep aid that is basically NyQuil with only the nighty-night active ingredients.Cons: Is over-the-counter, which means it cant be that goodMelatonin*Pros: Is an all-natural sleep aid that gently adjusts your bodys circadian rhythms.Cons: Probably bullshit.As you can see, there are many walrus ways to sleep the night away if you try or something. Sorry I took an Ambien and. OK this is done bye bye everybody I love you.