You can't put a leash on a pair of shoes.

You go through life, you lose things. Your keys. Your phone. Your child. It sucks. But a leash is not the answer.

We’re not trying to parent-shame. We’re sure they mean well, and it’s a tough problem to solve. But we can’t help but cringe when we see some kid being led around a crowded amusement park or mall on a leash. As the TV always says after the real shows have gone to bed, there’s got to be a better way.

Oh, look, we happen to be selling one. Take this pair of soccer ball doodads, tie them to your kids’ shoes, or your shoes, or your dog’s collar, or your TV remote, or your purse, or your wig, or your crossbow, or whatever you keep misplacing. Put the other part, the locator thing, on your keychain. Hit the button and follow the VERY LOUD beep. You can hang that leash up for good.

If you have kids, this will pay for itself in time saved finding your kids’ shoes. Think about it. You probably generally know where your kid is almost all the time. Do you ever know where that kid’s shoes are? You’ll waste a lot more of your life searching for children’s shoes than you ever will for children. You don’t really need a child locator. You need a child’s shoe locator.

Or you can flip the script and let your kids use it to find you. Kids don’t usually want to get lost, you know. Chat away with the other moms and dads, secure in the knowledge that your child will find you when they’re tired. Or hungry. Probably hungry.

You can even use one set of these devices to keep track of the other set. Whatever you’ve lost, from your iPad to your offspring, just hit the button and follow the beeping beacon. Either that or drag your purse around on a leash all the time like a crazy person. See? If it sounds nuts when you put a leash on your purse, well…