Doing It Right

There are things you can make at home and there are things you can’t.

Waffles? Fine. Make those edible bento boxes full of butter and syrup at home. But donuts? You know damn well those aren’t going to turn our right even if you know what you’re doing. (And, spoiler alert, you probably don’t know what you’re doing.)

But then there are things that you probably could make at home, but almost certainly shouldn’t.

Like cotton candy. You can buy a cotton candy machine that’s functionally identical to the one they have at the fair next to the deep-fried dough wads topped with powdered Ozempic.

But, like…should you? The healthy amount of cotton candy for a human to consume is none, ever. But even if you’re into it now and then, it can’t possibly be something that you need to be able to make from scratch at home. In fact, if we ever offer anything on this site that even approaches being a cotton candy machine, feel free to call us out for it.

Now let’s talk today’s deal. It’s an ice cream maker. And it’s possible that you’ve even owned such a thing before—ice cream is not as toxic as cotton candy, or even as unhealthy as convincing ourselves that fried cake doused in syrup counts as breakfast as long as it comes out of a waffle iron. But like the humble donut, it actually is pretty tricky to make at home.

This is made worse by the fact that other so-called ice cream makers purport to let you do exactly that, when in fact they don’t have anything close to the hardware entrusted to the 15-year-olds running the Frosty Queen over there on the bad side of town. Because you can’t just pre-freeze some weird cartridge thing and expect the final product to be at all reminiscent of the real thing. You need a proper ice cream maker with an actual compressor inside to deliver the goods, and this deal is that.

So c’mon everybody. Save yourself the hot, sticky trips to the ice cream joint this summer without sacrificing a single bit of the actual ice cream experience. You can store it next to the cotton candy machine. (You carnival-brained degenerate.)