You have been selected for a special experiment. Your non-dominant hand will be replaced with a kitchen utensil. What will it be?

mediocrebot wanted to know what you think said Sat, Aug 25th 2018 at 1:31pm ET

23 comments, 13 replies
Comment

lisaviolet said Sat, Aug 25th 2018 at 1:32pm ET:

Oven mitt.

4
- Reply
- Whisper
- @lisaviolet Agreed.
  
  Oldelvis said Sat, Aug 25th 2018 at 5:45pm ET
  - 2
  - Reply
  - Whisper
curtw4 said Sat, Aug 25th 2018 at 1:48pm ET:

6-Quart Kitchenaid stand mixer

8
- Reply
- Whisper
- @curtw4 That’s a lot of weight to be lugging around. And if you weren’t paying attention, if you needed to scratch your eyebrow, you’d knock yourself out.
  
  lisaviolet said Sat, Aug 25th 2018 at 1:55pm ET
  - 5
  - Reply
  - Whisper
ELUNO said Sat, Aug 25th 2018 at 1:53pm ET:

Can opener

2
- Reply
- Whisper
TheFLP said Sat, Aug 25th 2018 at 2:14pm ET:

Fingers can sub for a fork. I want to say knife, since you can’t always count on your teeth to cut through things, but then I’d most certainly stab myself because my left hand is a @#$% klutz.

Spoon it is.

1
- Reply
- Whisper
Kidsandliz said Sat, Aug 25th 2018 at 2:18pm ET:

robotic hand

2
- Reply
- Whisper
- @Kidsandliz That’s what I was thinking but then I thought… could we consider that a kitchen utensil? (I know it will be once it’s on, lol)
  
  lseeber said Sun, Aug 26th 2018 at 7:48am ET
  - 0
  - Reply
  - Whisper
RiotDemon said Sat, Aug 25th 2018 at 2:23pm ET:

Is this where we say it’ll be replaced with the Starfrit ™ so that way we have tongs, a spatula, a light, bottle opener, scraper and a serrated edge?

7
- Reply
- Whisper
AlexJones said Sat, Aug 25th 2018 at 2:49pm ET:

IT WOULD HAVE TO BE AN EGG BEATER, BECAUSE THE CLANDESTINE ALIEN INFILTRATORS ARE PARANOID OF ANY TYPE OF ROTARY TOOL!!! IT WEIRDS THEM OUT!!! BUY THE POCKET SOCKET IN MY STORE!!! IT WILL WORK JUST AS WELL, AND KEEP YOUR CELL PHONE CHARGED WHEN YOU BUG OUT INTO THE WILDERNESS!!! JUST REMEMBER TO TURN OFF GPS AND THE CELL RADIO BECAUSE YOU’RE BEING TRACKED!!! ALSO PUT A METAL HAT ON YOUR HEAD TO BLOCK THE TRACKING IMPLANTS THE GREYS BROUGHT TO OUR PLANET!!!

6
- Reply
- Whisper
- @AlexJones Just a quick question for you tonight, Rachel. What do you use for erectile dysfunction? I’ve thought about trying the usual stuff, but it just seems so hard…
  
  shahnm said Sat, Aug 25th 2018 at 8:47pm ET
  - 1
  - Reply
  - Whisper
- @shahnm IF YOU ARE HAVING TROUBLE, YOU SHOULD TRY SUPER MALE VITALITY DROPS!!! DON’T BE SHY JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE A PROBLEM DOWN THERE!!! I DON’T OF COURSE BECAUSE I AM CONSTANTLY EATING FRESH GREEN COFFEE BEANS!!! I ALWAYS SKIP THE MIDDLE STEPS OF ROASTING AND BREWING THE COFFEE!!! ALSO YOUR MOM’S NAME IS RACHEL AND EVERYBODY THINKS IT’S WEIRD BRINGING HER INTO THIS!!!
  
  AlexJones said Sun, Aug 26th 2018 at 1:50pm ET
  - 2
  - Reply
  - Whisper
rockblossom said Sat, Aug 25th 2018 at 2:56pm ET:

A meat cleaver. Then I would go after the mad scientist who amputated my hand so it could be replaced with a kitchen utensil.

6
- Reply
- Whisper
jst1ofknd said Sat, Aug 25th 2018 at 3:28pm ET:

A real hand. Some would argue that it is not a utensil, but you use it for kneading and mixing.

4
- Reply
- Whisper
llangley said Sat, Aug 25th 2018 at 3:47pm ET:

Meat tenderizer mallet thing…obviously!

2
- Reply
- Whisper
Aracos said Sat, Aug 25th 2018 at 5:17pm ET:

A meat shredding claw, so I can feel like Wolverine.

4
- Reply
- Whisper
mfladd said Sat, Aug 25th 2018 at 5:32pm ET:

This…

It’s like the Swiss Army Knife of kitchen hands.

3
- Reply
- Whisper
rtjhnstn said Sat, Aug 25th 2018 at 5:37pm ET:

I’d ask for a bayonet mount so I could change my utesil/tool. I appologize for the ad.

1
- Reply
- Whisper
shahnm said Sat, Aug 25th 2018 at 8:43pm ET:

/youtube spoon is all you need

4
- Reply
- Whisper
- @shahnm There is no spoon.
  
  lseeber said Sun, Aug 26th 2018 at 7:49am ET
  - 2
  - Reply
  - Whisper
- @lseeber
  /giphy mind blown
  
  shahnm said Sun, Aug 26th 2018 at 9:18am ET
  - 2
  - Reply
  - Whisper
sammydog01 said Sat, Aug 25th 2018 at 8:50pm ET:

Chainsaw
/image Ash Evil Dead

2
- Reply
- Whisper
tnhillbillygal said Sat, Aug 25th 2018 at 9:24pm ET:

/image silicon tongs

4
- Reply
- Whisper
- @tnhillbillygal probably my most used kitchen utensil.
  
  RiotDemon said Sat, Aug 25th 2018 at 10:11pm ET
  - 1
  - Reply
  - Whisper
miraclewhispers said Sat, Aug 25th 2018 at 9:29pm ET:

A rubber spatula. Maybe not the most practical of kitchen utensils, but it is the one that I use most in the kitchen.

3
- Reply
- Whisper
jst1ofknd said Sat, Aug 25th 2018 at 11:15pm ET:

Has no one said a chain saw? It would be like that one movie… You know, where the guy gets his hand replaced with a chainsaw!

0
- Reply
- Whisper
- @jst1ofknd
  
  Oh. Someone already had said chainsaw and I didn’t see until now…
  
  jst1ofknd said Sun, Aug 26th 2018 at 10:18am ET
  - 0
  - Reply
  - Whisper
panafonics said Sat, Aug 25th 2018 at 11:55pm ET:

Gotta go with the Slap Chop…

0
- Reply
- Whisper
2many2no said Sun, Aug 26th 2018 at 12:05am ET:

/image katana

1
- Reply
- Whisper
- @2many2no Uh … don’t wanna be next to you on the bus.
  
  TheFLP said Sun, Aug 26th 2018 at 1:07am ET
  - 0
  - Reply
  - Whisper
- @TheFLP Safer than the chainsaw, but faster.
  
  2many2no said Sun, Aug 26th 2018 at 1:54am ET
  - 0
  - Reply
  - Whisper
lseeber said Sun, Aug 26th 2018 at 7:50am ET:

Salad hand.

0
- Reply
- Whisper
- @lseeber
  /youtube salad fingers episode 1
  
  RiotDemon said Sun, Aug 26th 2018 at 9:54am ET
  - 1
  - Reply
  - Whisper
- @RiotDemon Ok… now that’s just weird! lol.
  
  lseeber said Mon, Aug 27th 2018 at 9:05am ET
  - 2
  - Reply
  - Whisper
jamessal said Mon, Aug 27th 2018 at 2:22am ET:

Spork!

1
- Reply
- Whisper
medz said Mon, Aug 27th 2018 at 8:54am ET:

/image meat tenderizer mallet

2
- Reply
- Whisper