Watch for Fall(ing) Goat (September 2023 scapegoat blame thread)

@ironcheftoni Sure is!

@ironcheftoni @Kyeh The A.I. wins again for the fall goat. Next month I get to test its ability to bring a spooky, yet still cute, result.

@Kyeh Well, the joke’s on you because my bright red Porsche is stashed away under cover in my barn, awaiting repairs to make it driveable.
So Haha!.. er, oh wait…

@macromeh Blame the goat!
(Sorry it’s broken.)

@Kyeh @macromeh The typical Porsche of my experience spends less than a third as much time broken as the typical Corvette. But I will commiserate none the less. It’s been nearly forty years since the last time I had a performance-oriented ride, and while my ability to handle it is now questionable, and a great many ordinary vehicles of today readily surpass it, I still miss it.

@Kyeh @werehatrack I think it may be the fuel pump. It ran fine, was parked for an extended period, then wouldn’t start. While attempting to start it, the ignition seemed OK, but it appeared to not be getting fuel, then I quit futzing with it and now it’s been parked for several years.
Clearly the god damned goat is to blame!

@Kyeh @macromeh @werehatrack Be careful of tire damage if you haven’t moved the car at all over those several years (well and potentially dry rot depending on how old the tires are).

@Kidsandliz @macromeh @werehatrack

So … the first blame for our new goat comes from … our new goat!

@macromeh Having dealt with the process of rehabbing long-stored vehicles a number of times over the years, I think I can predict that you parked it with the fuel tank less than half full, and the fuel tank sending unit and fuel pump are now trashed; Also, the inside of the tank is going to need severe cleaning. If it’s not a plastic tank, you’re going to need to remove the interior corrosion - and that’s a really specialized task that often ends in tears as the corroded areas pop a ton of pinholes. I’ve done it, more than a few times. If the tank was over half full, you might get lucky and find that the wires to the in-tank pump and the sending unit parts are merely rotted off at the connections. Sometimes that can be repaired.

@macromeh @werehatrack so basically you should sell it to me for cheap cause it’s just not worth fixing and I can add it to the list lol.

@chienfou

@chienfou I guess you might call me a
Delayed Onset Regret Kit

@macromeh ISWYDT.

@PooltoyWolf So contact support and then you can do an unblame when the bag arrives.

@PooltoyWolf

@macromeh @PooltoyWolf
You misspelled that word…

@macromeh

@macromeh @PooltoyWolf
Better than dirt, here’s a bandaid!

@Lynnerizer @macromeh @PooltoyWolf
Best solution yet!

@lisaviolet A similar thing happened to a friend of mine, and in the day and a half between the bite and when he finally realized that there was a serious infection going on, he came way too close to getting hospitalized. The folks at the ER admonished him not to wait until the swelling starts next time, or he might lose a finger - or worse.

Obviously, I’m not a doc, I can’t see the site and I don’t know how bad it is, but if it were me, I suspect I’d be getting nervous enough to get it looked at.

(One caveat; some locales have reporting requirements for animal bites. Knowing the status of this issue may shape the sort of information you feel safe providing.)

@lisaviolet

How to give a cat a pill:

Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. 

Drop pill down ruler and rub cat’s throat vigorously.
Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil, and blow down drinking straw.
Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse’s forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
Retrieve cat from neighbor’s shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of Scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.
Tie the little @!!@#@#$%'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak filet. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and remove pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

How to give a dog a pill:

Wrap it in cheese.

@lisaviolet Oh no! I hope you heal up fast without more complications. Poor Charlie.
I keep Betadine around - it’s kind of icky-smelling and old-fashioned, but it seems to work well on infections.

@chienfou Looks accurate to me.

@lisaviolet puncture wounds create infections that can be hard to get under control if you wait too long. Cat bites have lots of bacteria in them. Look how often cats get major infections from cat fight bites too and nearly all of them need treated with antibiotics. I’d suggest being see sooner rather than later unless the swelling has stopped - especially if there is any chance his teeth hit the bone (that can be a very serious infection if it gets in the bone).

And good luck figuring out how to get pills into that cat. I had a cat I had to towel wrap then hold his head, pry his jaw open with a couple of fingers with my nail on the bottom front teeth with the pill being held between my thumb and first finger on the same hand. Once I had his mouth open enough I’d shift my other hand forward in holding his head so if he bit down he’d get his inner cheek. Then I’d be able to put my fingers in his mouth to put the pill far enough back he wouldn’t spit it out. We had that fight daily for close to 5 years due to a chronic condition we had. I don’t think he ever gave up fighting me having to do that.

GOOD LUCK - both with your infection and getting pills down the cat’s throat without being bit again.

PS your idea with the baby food and syringe is a good one. Just be sure to get the syringe far enough back in his throat that if it is bitter it will be harder to spit out. Make sure a bit of baby food is on the outside of the syringe so he can taste that as it goes in his mouth (as I am sure you know from unfortunate experience).

@lisaviolet If you don’t have one of these, I can say that they can prevent some perforated fingers - although I find that it still takes one person for the cat and one for the pill-popper to get the job done.

@werehatrack The pill popper got here yesterday. He was able to spit the pill out. Three times. lol

Morning update:

First off, thank you all for your responses. I do appreciate them.

I’ve been bit before where I did end up in Urgent Care. Early in the morning, on the hand and by mid-morning, I knew I had a problem. Husband wasn’t nearby and cell service was bad where he was and I wasn’t able to get through until after ten that night. He rushed home (he was over an hour away), fed me (I couldn’t fix anything) and we went to UC the next morning.

The week before our annual Disney meet. Antibiotics, a shot each visit (the last one hit me so hard I almost passed out). The antibiotics killed all of my good bacteria or whatever it is and I ended up with the yeast infection from hell. I itched so bad! I seriously considered one of those wire brushes to make it go away. Sitting was brutal. A friend recommended an OTC cream for this and I got the one that worked “overnight” and it was so strong, it blistered my tender part.

The cat that bit me that time?

Charlie.

The finger is still swollen, but not as red or hot to the touch. I’m pretty sure I’ll be okay. Last year I shoved a 20 gauge needle into my finger, not on purpose, but was putting the cap back on (for disposal) and wasn’t watching what I was doing and missed. That time, the finger actually bruised. I had my regular annual health checkup that week, so I asked about it when I went in.

I tried feeding Charlie his pill crushed and added to baby food. He lapped a little, then said “WTF is this?” I ended up using a feeding syringe to suck it up, took him into the bathroom where he finished his baby food with a little help from me.

@werehatrack - I did order a different pill popper since the one I got was a little big.

@lisaviolet @werehatrack The only meds I’ve given our cats is their hairball treatment. It is a dark brown paste that apparently tastes good to them since they happily lick it off a fingertip.
WTF don’t they make all pet meds like that?

@macromeh @werehatrack agreed.

@lisaviolet
Never heard of weblog, that’s pretty neat! You spoke about going easy on the treats not to cause issues with his teeth. Have you ever tried the pureed cat treats that come in tube like package? My guy Tuc LOVES it! I mainly just use it to preoccupie him while I’m attempting to take care of his rear-ended knots, he hates having me in that area!

Temptations Creamy Puree with Chicken and Salmon, Variety Pack of Lickable Cat Treats, 0.42 Oz Pouches, 16 Count https://a.co/d/5YVNdHq

@Lynnerizer Thanks. I have a ton of those right now. I mean, Charlie has a ton.

I’ve had the weblog up since January 1997. Once upon a time, a word was blocked by my host (Xanax) because they considered the word spam and my blog didn’t work. Trying to fix it (before I knew what was wrong), I lost ten years of posts because of a dumb mistake.

The folks that I bought the software from way back when helped get those entries back and I was told that they rarely see just folks with blogs nowadays. She said it was refreshing.

@lisaviolet
WOW, that must’ve really hurt losing 10 years of blogs. Sure hope that doesn’t happen again!

@Lynnerizer It was definitely an “oh, shit!” moment.

The data was still there in an SQL file that I had zero idea how to access. But I contacted the software’s tech support, paid for a ticket and was able to get it all back without formatting.

I used Google cache for that. It took quite a while.

All user error. lol

@chienfou @lisaviolet I briefly had a cat. I had to take its temperature. It didn’t end well. I had to go buy a new thermometer (this was still the days of mercury thermometers).

@Felton10 Perhaps you should write a letter to the editor to complain about the service.

@macromeh I actually did over the weekend-this was it. -------

This is possibly my last letter to the editor after a span of over 10 years and having almost 70 letters to the editor published. It was not my choice to go out this way but it was obvious the paper no longer considers me a valued subscriber after over 20 years.

I have not received a paper for the past 6 days. I have e-mailed, chatted (3 times) and actually talked to a real live person on the phone. I basically get the same party line during every communication-we are sorry, we are going to escalate the matter to a higher level and we will fix this. So far no paper and no communication as to what the problem is and if and when it will be solved.

Have threaten to cancel on the spot and/or not renew when my subscription is up for renewal next month all to no avail.

So if this is how it ends, it has been fun and goodbye to all.

@Felton10 Maybe you chased the delivery person off one too many times.

@macromeh 10 days today and no paper.

@Felton10 @macromeh
Have you ever thought about delivering the newspaper yourself? You’d be sure to get your paper earlier than ever and get some exercise at the same time! I used to deliver the paper when I was a kid. The only thing I didn’t like was having to go around and collect the money but I bet now, 45 years later, people pay online! (Right where most of them probably read it)

@Lynnerizer @macromeh I actually was a paper boy in my much younger days. Delivered both the morning Washington Post and the evening Washington Star (defunct). Was great because for those who subscribed to both could collect at one time and when a new person moved into the the area could solicit them and when they asked which paper I delivered-I could say both-take your pick.

And yes I now pay online-last invoice was for over $700 which was for one year-so $ 2 a day. I remember when it was $ 2 a month.

@Felton10 @macromeh
Wow, that sounds like a lot of money even for a years worth of newspapers! I get my news off the Internet and I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything.
But then again, I’m also STILL paying for a landline that I’m pretty much ONLY receiving telemarketing calls on!
Go figure!
Lol

@Felton10 @Lynnerizer @macromeh I had a landline for years because the cable package that included it was cheaper than the same one without phone. I don’t get it, either.

@macromeh Oh, wow . Is it one of those injuries that hurts more or less depending on the weather?

@Kyeh It does seem to hurt more in the winter than the summer, but that may just be due to my varying level of activity. Daily walks to loosen it up seem to make it better. (But running is right out.) Good supportive shoes are a must. And I pay the price after standing on a ladder for any significant time.

@macromeh Daily walks seem to be good for a lot of things - I keep meaning to resume doing them.

@Kyeh So anyway, I thought that was an appropriate post in keeping with this month’s goat theme.

@macromeh Oh, hah - perfect!

@tinamarie1974 I didn’t know that was still happening - love it!
But also - TRY IT WITH DOG!!!

@Kyeh oh LOVE that and @Charliedoggo was quite excited with all the barking

@CharlieDoggo @tinamarie1974
I’ll bet! Not upset, though, I hope?

@CharlieDoggo @Kyeh I dont think so. He jumped up, came running over and got up on my lap looking around trying to figure out where the barking came from lol

@CharlieDoggo @tinamarie1974
Looking for new pals, maybe?

@CharlieDoggo @Kyeh mehbe???

@tinamarie1974 @Kyeh “Horse” also can get you sound effects.
But blame @macromeh, “Goat” gets you a big nuthin’.

@macromeh @phendrick @tinamarie1974
Oh cool. Actually, the goat DOES!
Goat https://g.co/kgs/Jcw4hM
And a bunch of other creatures too.

@tinamarie1974 Keep touching the cat paw and you get many different cat paws with different noises and some background purring. I then had two puzzled cats on my chest checking out my laptop (Of course they are also hoping I’ll get out of bed to feed them at 6:46am too).

Rabbit works, bird does not but parrot does. I bet there are far more. I’m going to run out of edit time though trying them.

Cow got the cat’s attention in a very worried way rather in curious way.

@tinamarie1974 If you click on the icon more than once you often get different noises for the animal. Turtle and gorrilla works too. As does giraffe, hippo, lion, leopard, bluejay, donkey, mosquito, seagull (comes up as gull), eagle, raccoon and I am sure there are more.

The cat and dog ones, by the way, you can cover the entire screen with paw prints if you click enough times and you can click all over the screen once you have clicked the paw. The dog one also has different dog barks, not just the cat one with different cat sounds.

Ok the cats win. They really, really want to eat. Someone else will need to find more of them.

@tinamarie1974 and rattlesnake, crocodile (but not alligator), giraffe, chimpanzee, skunk, chipmunk, squirrel, but NO elephant!!! , tiger, moose, deer, rabbit, sheep, fly (insect), deer, grizzly bear, spider, porpoise, seal lion, bat, and there are probably more but I am running out of animals without searching on a list of animals. I am surprised whale, cricket, and frog aren’t on the list though. Click each you find more than once as often there are a variety of noises they make.

@Kyeh @phendrick @tinamarie1974

But blame @macromeh, “Goat” gets you a big nuthin’.

Hey, I tried to warn you during the vote.

@Kyeh @macromeh @phendrick you only have yourself to blame.

@Kyeh @phendrick @tinamarie1974 I’ve already self-blamed twice in this month - that might be a meh goat record.

@Kidsandliz @tinamarie1974
YES elephant!
Elephant https://g.co/kgs/fUJUpH

@Kyeh @tinamarie1974 OK that is weird. I googled elephant and the noise icon didn’t come up.

EDIT: I just googled elephant again and it doesn’t come up that way. Too weird as your link clearly is a google too.

@Kidsandliz For me, most of the animals come up with a speaker icon, and it just makes a noise when clicked. Only Cat and Dog have the special paw sauce.

@Kidsandliz @tinamarie1974
I’m thinking some of us might have too much time on our hands.
Giggling…

@Lynnerizer My excuse (too much time on our hands comment) a cat woke me and I couldn’t get back to sleep so got on the computer at 12:48am for my last comment. hehehehehe And @tinamarie1974 was likely on a break from work. Right? Or maybe @charliedog signed in under her name to disguise the fact that he was on the computer.

@charliedog @Kidsandliz @tinamarie1974
Lol I don’t have an excuse, I REALLY DO just have too much time on my hands! Lol

@charliedog @Kidsandliz @Lynnerizer me? My comments were either in the evening or on the weekend. I work enough, K&L dont give my boss any ideas

@charliedog @Lynnerizer @tinamarie1974 Your boss, that would be charliedog. Right?

@charliedog @Kidsandliz @Lynnerizer that’s what he likes to think

@Kyeh @macromeh @phendrick @tinamarie1974 Some of the goat sounds are rather disturbing

@werehatrack
Good luck? That’s a lot of emotional load to go through at once. It’s fall and it’s finally getting cool here. Pulling out a blanket/comforter for the couch might make sense if you can’t keep the full thing. or. Idk. Hope you have someone to talk to if needed. We had to go through Dad’s stuff/the whole house this year… it’s… a load. But also some good memories.

@werehatrack
Yes that’s definitely a lot to do but it sounds like you’ve got a good plan. The holidays must be tough for you, I hope you find comfort in going through everything and enjoy the memories of your time together.
I didn’t realize that you still have a T-shirt business, where do you sell them?

@Lynnerizer I have four wholesale customers who sell them at conventions and such, and a website that gets about two orders per month. Actually having a real shopping cart may help to change that. If it doesn’t help enough, I’ll ditch the more expensive bells-and-whistles hosting and go back to what I have now.

@werehatrack
Have you ever posted your website here, I’d love to check it out!

@Lynnerizer instant attitudes dot com is as close to a link as my standards permit me to post on a different commercial site.

@Felton10

Still pissed though

Celebrated a little too much over the return of your paper? You must have really missed it!

@Felton10
I had the same problem on and off for months with my local paper.
I finally gave up and switched to a digital edition. Now I have a dedicated tablet that I use for reading the paper. Thankfully they have an e-edition that looks like the newspaper as far as layout pages, ads etc. A lot less clickbait reading it that way. Do miss having actual sheets of paper and ink on my fingers!

@Felton10 Look who shares your name:

@Kyeh Well that is something at least. Thought my only previous claim to fame was “Felton Roosters”. Thanks for sending that to me. I’m sure my daughter couldn’t stop laughing when I sent it to her.

@Kyeh Oh god-my son just asked me if I wanted that for my birthday which is coming up in Oct.

@Felton10 At least it’s a charming cat. Some of them are very strange, like these:

They even have food-related ones - there’s a sushi and cupcake and a boba tea.

@lisaviolet Wow, I’ve never heard of that before! Poor pup, I hope his eye gets better soon.

@lisaviolet
Just 10 minutes ago we were talking about our pets having all sorts of the same illnesses and/or diseases that us humans and how expensive the treatment can be! Contact lenses for dogs is a new one to add to the list!
Poor pup, hope he’s not in pain and everything goes well! Hugs, belly & butt rubs!

@Lynnerizer He’s a Shih Tzu and I’m worried that he’ll somehow rub his eye and remove the lens.

The drug he’s on is gentamicin sulfate.

Poor little guy’s eye has been runny for a while, I thought it was just his fur in his eye and I kept trimming it back. Then a few weekends ago, the eye was swollen shut. I saw the conjunctiva was swollen and started him on Terramycin. A few days later, when it had gotten smaller, I saw the styes.

I knew we had to get him into the vet and that’s when he was diagnosed with an ulcerated cornea.

One of the ladies I’m friends with on FB just went through this with one of her cats. He had a lens for two and a half weeks. I guess it worked. I’m hoping Jingles doesn’t need surgery.

In other news, when I was talking to him yesterday, calling him by his name, Google started singing Jingle Bells.

WTF?

@lisaviolet

In other news, when I was talking to him yesterday, calling him by his name, Google started singing Jingle Bells.

bb watches.

we just thought it would be a different bb.

@lisaviolet @werehatrack
How’s Jingles doing, how’s his eye?
About Google playing jingle bells…
That kind of thing happens all the time and every single time it freaks us out! Sometimes we’ll mention a vacation resort or some other random thing just to see how long it takes for some sort of advertisement to come up on one of our phones. Lol It’s really too much! At least my Echo show me device comes with a cover for the camera lens. We SHOULD be able to shut off the listening feature on cell phones too!

@Lynnerizer @werehatrack

Thanks for asking. He’s doing amazing!

We started the drops Tuesday afternoon (he only got one on Tuesday) and every day after that Brian had to hold him so I could get the drop (just one!) into the eye. The surrounding conjunctiva (?) was so swollen that this was difficult to get the eye open enough to get the drop in, (remember, Shih Tzu, big eyes), but we did it. Three times a day.

Finally, yesterday, the eye is actually opened all the way, no squinting! Still cloudy (and he does have cataracts), but the meds are working. So, we’re five days into a fourteen day schedule.

The previous vet told me once that it usually takes at least three days on meds before seeing any improvement, so we’re close to that. And Jingles isn’t rubbing his eye. Of course, now we can see how bad the things are on his eyelid.

The devices…how many times have we told Alexa to shut up? We were watching tv in the family room yesterday and heard Alexa rambling in the office (other side of the house). No idea why.

I know some people don’t like being “spied” on, but it doesn’t bother us. We’re pretty boring for the most part.

@lisaviolet @Lynnerizer As long as Alexa doesn’t start comparing notes wit Siri, there’s probably not a lot to worry about. But we don’t leave them together in a room unsupervised.

Glad the meds are working. I hope the eyelid issues are dealt with as painlessly as possible.

@lisaviolet @Lynnerizer My ex and I had a dog that was part Husky. She developed cataracts when she was about 3 years old. We took her to the veterinary ophthalmologist, who told us they could do a lens replacement for $3500. This was in the mid-90s when there was no such thing as pet insurance. My ex said if he was going to spend $3500 on someone’s eye surgery, it was going to be his (his vision was really bad). The vet told us they’d done cataract surgery on Huskies younger than a year old!

@phendrick
“Purple, the New Zealand ruru (aka morepork), takes a bath and dries off”

https://www.nytimes.com/2023/06/14/books/review/what-an-owl-knows-jennifer-ackerman.html

@phendrick It’s hard to believe that is the same bird before and after a bath! And here I thought I looked funny with a wet head!

@Lynnerizer Probably better than me. I almost look bald with what’s left of the hair stuck down.

@Lynnerizer @werehatrack
Fluff is good!
I guess that’s why so many conditioners advertise that they “add body”.

@werehatrack

Macromeh met or exceeded all expectations

Pro tip: be sure to initially set expectations to the lowest level possible for a languid goat tenure

@macromeh @werehatrack “I promise nothing” is the assumed expectation level for all goats.

@narfcake @werehatrack Right - that’s why it’s necessary to go the extra mile in lowering the bar.

@Kidsandliz SCORE! If you still have any significant amount of it when you next come to Houston, and should you want some stackable plastic tubs to store it in where claws can’t easily open it, I have some that you are welcome to haul away. A photo of a typical one can be provided if you are interested.

@werehatrack I’m in Houston next starting Sunday evening Dec 10th, crap Monday and Tuesday then coming back home Wednesday, Dec 13 th.

@Kidsandliz Okay, when we get closer, we can coordinate. I’ll save you the gas and bring them to you. I’m up at the corner of the 610 Loop where 290 comes in; I doubt that you want to detour that far for this.