Invent a story about how the house is actually a fake facade created for a long-forgotten movie and there’s actually no usable interior. Set up a picnic table on the front lawn and meet your visitors there. Be sure to come up with plausible explanations of how you sleep, cook food, etc.
Quickly spread covers over all the furniture, so visitors cannot see the layers of dust.
Spray several canisters of Febreze Air Freshener.
Serve LOTS of alcohol and edibles. Then that’s all they’ll remember and relate their wonderful experience of your home to their friends. Downside: They might like your place too much and want to return soon.
Pretend the couch isn’t my bed. One time a friend’s girlfriend was over and sitting on the couch wearing leggings on the hottest day of the year. She left a sweat print of her vagina, which was not a good thing. Fucking gross. At least I could flip the cushion after it dried before I went to sleep that night.
We just bought a house on 4 acres…any visitors here, know they are getting put to work outside setting up chicken run…working in the garden, clearing woods (not clear stripping, selective culling)…you know, just like everyone else.
If they are unwelcome visitors tell them the cannibale family is coming for dinner too, meanwhile would they like to use the hot tub white they waited?
@olperfesser When I was a kid, at my best friend’s house there was a plaque on the wall that said:
Come in, sit down, relax, converse.
Our house doesn’t always look like this - sometimes it’s worse!
Keep the lights low in the trunk.
Invent a story about how the house is actually a fake facade created for a long-forgotten movie and there’s actually no usable interior. Set up a picnic table on the front lawn and meet your visitors there. Be sure to come up with plausible explanations of how you sleep, cook food, etc.
@awk Better: It’s really just a shell around a hidden power substation, and there’s just one tiny room behind the front door. (These actually exist.)
Leave before they get there
Tell them “I’m not home!”.
I’ll use my Jedi mind tricks. Unless it’s Jabba…then he better bring beer encased in carbonite.
Pay them. They’re probably repair men.
Let them in, tell them what a nice house they have, and ask to use the restroom.
They know. If they are visiting me, they already know.
I’m not sure. No one visits me except for solicitors, and I never let them in.
My kids already know what to expect when they come over.
@TheCO2
Pretend the couch isn’t my bed. One time a friend’s girlfriend was over and sitting on the couch wearing leggings on the hottest day of the year. She left a sweat print of her vagina, which was not a good thing. Fucking gross. At least I could flip the cushion after it dried before I went to sleep that night.
Oh yeah, also had some Zorbx odor neutralizer I sprayed on there as well. That stuff is amazing, and a female owned company I am told.
@edguyver14
I wouldn’t want a vagina imprint on my couch and I don’t sleep on it and I’m a girl.
@edguyver14 Leggings are not pants.
Put on clothes
We just bought a house on 4 acres…any visitors here, know they are getting put to work outside setting up chicken run…working in the garden, clearing woods (not clear stripping, selective culling)…you know, just like everyone else.
If they are unwelcome visitors tell them the cannibale family is coming for dinner too, meanwhile would they like to use the hot tub white they waited?
Cookies…it must always smell like fresh baked cookies.
Clean.
Meet them somewhere else.
I put crime scene tape across the front door and add a biohazard sign.
Apologize for the “mess” and pretend the house doesn’t always look like this.
@olperfesser When I was a kid, at my best friend’s house there was a plaque on the wall that said:
Come in, sit down, relax, converse.
Our house doesn’t always look like this - sometimes it’s worse!
@katbyter
My house is clean enough to be healthy
Messy enough to be happy.
My approach is “Neat, tidy piles”
@macromeh This is the way!
Throw all the shit in a bedroom and close the door, works everytime.
@Star2236 and the dirty pans/dishes in the oven
Change the numbers on the mailbox
Until we fix the second toilet, no one is allowed in.
Put out a sign that says “Unless you’re selling Girl Scout cookies, GO AWAY.”