So, what's your engagement story?
11And by engagement I mean engaged to be married. (Yeah, you know why I had to clarify, because meh smartasses.)
Boring? Exciting?
I started dating a guy on Memorial Day weekend in 1985.
On my birthday in October, I went to dinner with my family and friends. He had to work (the joys of self-employment). When I got home, he came over and we watched some television, went to bed. He reached under my pillow and pulled out a little jewelry box and handed it to me. I opened it. Rings. I said yes. (The funny thing was he never asked.)
I asked “when?” He said “don’t push it”. (Succinct.)
We got married that New Year’s Eve. We’re still together.
So, what’s your story?
- 19 comments, 49 replies
- Comment
Seems like I’ve told this before, but meh…
In a bar with lady I’d been shackin’ up with for a few years. We note the jewelry store across the street is having a sale, so we go there the next day. She likes one ring, but decides on another. I later find out she really liked the other ring, but thought it was too expensive. We go back and exchange the ring for the more desirable one. Some months later, I put the ring in a jewelry box she needed for xmas. She opens the gift, finds the ring, I ask if she’ll marry me and she answers in the affirmative. About a year later we get married in a courthouse and here we are like 11 years later.
@medz That’s a really nice engagement story.
You know, it seems like the folks who have smaller weddings have longer marriages.
We had a preacher we got from the want ads in the paper perform ours at my mom and dad’s house.
@lisaviolet I would tend to agree. People who go big for weddings may be putting emphasis in the wrong areas. (trying to show-off or please judgmental relatives) Or perhaps they’re just more popular and have a lot of friends and family that will bring amazing wedding gifts…
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
It was a really casual thing for us. We were practically already married, so it was really just about making it official.
I forgot to mention that I did call her dad first. Not to ask so much, but just to let him know.
@medz I’ve never been married, engaged or especially serious about anyone, so therefore I’m qualified to hold forth with my vast wisdom on the topic of expensive weddings.
Anyone who spends more than $1500 on a wedding is daffy in the noodle. Save that money, little ones! It will come in handy over the first few years of marriage, might prevent a few fights,and will help you make it to your 10 year anniversary.
IF you make it to the ten year mark – which, let’s be honest, most people won’t – you deserve to throw yourself a huge freakin’ blowout. Do it!
I will skip the rant about parents that allow their kids (ahem) to get swept away by bonkersly romantic notions of palatial weddings, shining knights, etc etc.
@UncleVinny @lisaviolet can i say we begged my parents to keep it small but they, and my groom’s parents, wanted their friends as well as extended family. So they threw the big wedding and we put up with it. We are together 26 years now. But if it had been our dime that would not have happened. The wedding is an event; the next day, and day after that , and… is what is important.
@mollama - Exactly, WE didn’t have any say in the wedding spending, ma-in-law made THOSE decisions (OK, I got to pick my tux.) I would’ve rather had the cash and my wife still (20 years later) fumes about the drummer and bagpiper (I thought it was hilarious) but the food was good and after all the embarrassing wedding speeches we were SO outta there (Hawaii!)
So, the proposal. Her favorite sushi place and since we were practically on the floor anyway there was little awkwardness in kneeling. I know we went for the ring LATER so I’m not sure what I proposed WITH - maki roll studded with ikura? Anyway she went for it and we’re still sharing shoyu.
Oh and no, it was not sushi at the reception!
@mollama @aetris I didn’t mean to come across as a big wedding snob. And it looks like your big weddings weren’t a couples’ choice.
I was never the girl who looked at bride’s magazines or imagined a wedding. Not at all. I got my dress, shoes and hat (on which a co-worker sewed a veil) for under $100, a couple of days before the wedding. We had the wedding at my mom and dad’s house (we asked them on Christmas eve, they’d been planning a new year’s party, but hadn’t mentioned it to us: they cancelled that for the wedding - short notice for their guests!). Preacher from the paper. 86 year old black woman. Fun times.
I’m sure things vary family to family and couple to couple, but traditionally it’s the bride’s family who shells out for the nuptuals, so size is supposed to be kind of on them. At the same time it can be an attempt to corral the scattered family for an occasion - it certainly was in OUR case. Plus it was partly a professional thing with various work colleagues invited.
Without going into TOO much detail I think ma-in-law was happy to plan things for laid-back us - let’s just say there was a certain amount of family drama involved in past events! Not that MY side of the family is exactly drama-free.
@UncleVinny Yep! I tell people that the wedding day doesn’t matter. It’s the day after that. And the next day, and the next year…
@mfladd
/image debra downer animated gif
@medz
Late one Christmas Eve, we exchanged gifts, and his gifts to me were in 3 hat boxes. The smallest one had a ‘sweet story book’ life savers inside, that we both always got at Christmastime as kids. Then, the middle size hat box had a pretty glass tree ornament inside with the year (2004) on it. The last, biggest box had a helium balloon inside that went up when I opened the lid, the balloon string was tied to a ring with flower petals and a “will you marry me” note at the bottom. The gifts were- “Christmas past” (life saver box), Christmas present (ornament) and Christmas future (the ring and proposal, obviously
It was wonderful!
@moonhat That’s nice. With my luck, the box would have been opened outside and the string would become detached from the box sending the ring up and away never to be seen again.
@medz
/giphy naw…
The whole affair could have been a romcom. Her uncle was engaged with the advert industry in the Dorset seaside cities. My company was providing some design and publishing services for him.
She and I had been on a couple of dates, and none of us had any idea of the connection until I attended his offices for a meeting and she was there. What started as a couple of months in the UK for a client project turned into several years shuttling between the US and UK.
I begged her to marry me on the Eurostar shuttle, half way between coasts 250, feet below the sea. Not that I had planned it that way. We were traveling home after a weekend holiday in France. We had such a lovely time… I couldn’t fathom the idea of spending the rest of my life without this glorious joy being a permanent fixture.
@ruouttaurmind Being a romcom, what was the plot twist that caused strife between the two of you that was ultimately resolved by some grand gesture in the end of the movie?
@medz I guess that’s where the romcom became a romdram. She became ill, plans on hold, diagnosed with diabetes, lifestyle adjustment, dietary modification, injections, insulin pump, hospitalization, loss.
Maybe my part can be played by Hugh Grant in the film?
/youtube liveabetes
@medz I realised just how ignorant I was about the disease prior to her illness. I always assumed it was an affliction of the chronically unhealthy. People who were sedentary, overweight, poor diet, maybe indulged in too many sweets and fizzy drink.
She was none of that. She was trim, reasonably fit, fairly active, healthy diet with few sweets. She did yoga, walked daily, cycled on the weekends.
It was a massive learning experience for me. For both of us. And terrifying to see how someone as vibrant and seemingly healthy can be so swiftly overtaken.
Mine was disappointing, which summed up the marriage.
He called and said he was going to be late from work because he had to go to one of the other stores to pick some stuff up. I was chilling at home on the couch in pjs and he walked in wearing his work uniform. He walks forward and kneels down and just asked for me to marry him.
He told me afterwards that he had wanted to plan a nice date night… But he had just picked up the ring and couldn’t wait to ask.
Some people think that’s cute, I think it was just poor planning.
At least the next guy (if there ever is one) won’t have to do much to outdo the last one.
And I’ll add the picture in so you don’t have to do it.
/image animated Debbie downer
@RiotDemon I guess I hope I didn’t disappoint. I didn’t even HAVE a ring. I somehow just got swept into the moment and blurted it all out.
WTF? How DID that happen??
@ruouttaurmind I personally didn’t care much about the ring. In the moment is something I understand. It just wasn’t that kind of moment for me. Especially because I had to make him ask my dad for permission… When he knew that should of been done before.
I used to ask @ADQ to marry me on a daily basis, but after 10,000 no’s, I gave up
I wonder if Irk is seeing anyone.
@ConAndLibrarian I’m p sure I said yes a couple times but no jewelry was produced!
@ConAndLibrarian what about Glen? @Matthew might come attached though.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
@adq
My daughters, not mine, i never really got married.
They met on Craig’s list. Two people looking for someone to hang around with.
Started out friends, became friends with priv’s. Eventually he moved in.
Several years later I got a text one day that he’d leveled up to fiance, with a pic of a black diamond ring. (we gamed all her life)
Several years later they made it official.
We were both a bit older so after dating about 6 months she asked if I was serious, or if not to stop wasting her time. I said I was, and 6 months later joiner her at a business conference in Buffalo NY. We had planned to spend the weekend in Niagara Falls. I knew that she wanted to reset the stone from her mom’s ring so I wrote a silly poem and proposed to her with a ring pop near Bridal Veil Falls. That was 26 years ago, and although it has been far from easy we are celebrating our 25th anniversary next month.
We got engaged.
We got married.
That’s about it.
We’ve stayed married 30+ years because I don’t want to go through all that again…
Question: how was the ring chosen? Before or after the proposal?
@jqubed Before. Which is odd because she obviously knew I was going to propose to her. It felt like making her wait for no reason after the ring was bought. I tried to hide it long enough for it to be a surprise.
After in our case.
@jqubed How? I spent many quarters, and I studied each toy ring carefully before making my choice, so, before.
I think how I met my wife is far more interesting.
However this is a how you proposed thread.
We had been dating for 5 years. 2 years college, 2 years long distance, 1 year back together. I figure she knew what was up because I planned things we really never do. Started with a drive, “found” a winery, and ended up at a botanical garden early December. It happens to be Christmas season all decked out with lights and what not. I had been here before and remembers in their green house they had a room devoted to hundreds of rose varieties. I chickened out and didn’t propose in this room as planned. We walked around until about a hour before closing, and while she was in the gift shop I called her father to ask for his blessing. He was elated and screamed of course you have my permission. Which I promptly replied " now we both know your daughter, and we both know you can not give anyone permission to marry her. Only she can make that choice, I just want the families blessing." He could not stop laughing as he knew I understood his daughter better than he did.
We got wed 6 months later, dropping 10g’s in a not so elaborate wedding, but a 200+ guest list. I have a large family and you can not forget to invite anyone less you offend them.
Here we are just celebrating 10 year this past summer.
/image $10,000 animated gif
@jml326 So let’s hear the “how you met” story.
10 years ago, we’d been dating a couple of years and for her birthday I planned a weekend trip a couple of hours away at Hampton Beach in New Hampshire. To give you an idea of the setting, it’s not the place you visit to have a ‘fancy’ or romantic getaway. It’s kinda tacky, kinda noisy, with an old boardwalk and chintzy crap for sale. In another word: awesome! We went there for the novelty, and Joan Jett playing down the street completed the scene.
One evening, after spending the entire day walking around and driving up and down the coast, I suddenly knew that now was the time to ask her the big Q. We were both tired and ready to go back to the hotel, but first I needed a ring! The ring would be a temporary placeholder, so my first idea was to get a Ring Pop, which I did, but then I decided I’d hit the grocery store candy machines for a toy ring. Unfortunately, in that area there is a large buffer of marsh land between the beach area and ‘regular civilization,’ so we had to drive a bit to find a grocery store. The excitement gave me a second wind, but she was less enthusiastic as I drove from store to store to store and ran in while she sat in the car, wondering WTH I was doing (we almost got into an argument).
Right away, the first 2 stores didn’t have candy machines. The next 4 had toy jewelry, but no rings. Finally, I hit a Walmart entrance where one machine held only rings.
Do you know how many different kinds of toy rings come out of gumball machines? Answer: too many.
I wasn’t finding the ‘right’ one, until finally, with 10 or 15 of those plastic bubbles that the rings come in strewn on the floor in front of me, THE ONE popped out. Etched gold band with a yellowy-orange (amber) gem on top! There was a Walmart employee, a stout woman with a perpetually less-than-happy-expression on her face, who’d been watching me examine each ring as it popped out. I think she might have thought I’d lost my mind because she was frowning a bit. I approached her on my way out, held out some (I couldn’t hold them all) of the rejected bubbles and said “do you know any kids who might like these?” She looked down at the rings, paused, looked up at me, paused… “Okay.”
Leaving that scene, I might have actually skipped and hopped on my way to the car where Grumpy Birthday Girl waited. By this time, she wasn’t even interested in why I was so gleeful, so as I drove back to the hotel as quickly as I could, I got her into a better mood by talking about the day and telling inside jokes that only we knew. Our hotel was small, roughly 10 units, and our room was on the beach. Back in the room we crashed on the bed (I think we could see the full moon over the ocean through the balcony door, or maybe my imagination added that for effect), and I secretly pulled the ring out of my pocket, bubble and all. I made some unplanned speech about how glad I was that I decided I was ready to start dating again when she asked me to go out with her a few years earlier (I at first said “no,” but 30 seconds later said “yes.”), and I sat up, handed the bubble to her, and said: “Will you marry me?” Now she got her second wind, her eyes popped open, and she said: “IS THIS WHAT YOU WERE DRIVING AROUND FOR?! YES!” We laughed, we cried. Good times. We were married in our back yard with 10 friends/family attending. Had our 10th anniversary last month, still happy but we work at it. (Favorite Footnote: After the ceremony, still in our wedding clothes, we jumped on the trampoline together, laughing hysterically, until she said “OH!” and had to stop because she had peed a little on her wedding gown.)
@gregormehndel
Dammit, woman! Can’t you see I’m trying to do something spontaneous romantic!
@medz Exactly! Had to bit my tongue, but it was all worth it.
@gregormehndel I love it that you had to get THE candy ring!
@blaineg She likes jewelry, so taste counts.
I think I had the worst proposals of anyone(foreshadowing of things to come)
He came in one day and said his dad asked if he was going to marry that girl or what.
I asked what he told him, he said, I’m going to marry her. No ring to this day. That is okay, I have my mother’s, she bought for herself.
I do not wear a wedding ring, well 25 years of turmoil will do that. Some happy times with our son, only reason I married him, I was pg. I was 37 and my parents pitched a fit! I knew what I was doing, I wanted a child. By that time I did not want to get married but to save family face, bs.
I did not want my child to grow up without a dad, might as well have. Two weeks of wedded bliss and he ended it when he came home one day. Son does not respect his dad or have a relationship with him, I am his parent.
I’m done! I told him to go live in another town, at my parent’s house.
He comes in fixes his plate, goes into den, says hi to the back of my chair, some days he does not even see me or his son, ass.
We have not been anywhere together in almost a year.
He won’t go, shit! I told him a year ago I did not like him. Like is more important than love. Love died cold about 12 years ago. He forgot our 25th and I let him.
I WILL be free. I am retired, have my own nest egg, do not want anything from him, not one thin dime. I love my home but I’m planning to move from here. My son and I and ALL of our pets!
I WILL SURVIVE!
@Calabama Wow. I have to say I’m glad that people are less worried about babies now out of wedlock than they were back then. There are no illegitimate children.
BTW, my mom and dad had a shotgun wedding. She was two months along when they got married. And I’m glad you’re better with your son than my mom was with me. She blamed my existence for her life. She would have thrown herself under a bus for me, but she didn’t like me. If that makes any sense.
I’m sorry your life has sucked so badly. Leaving would be a good thing. I wish you the happiness you seek.
@Calabama Sometimes life just sucks, but it will get better.
@Barney
I know I unloaded, cannot unload on son. I do not talk about it to anyone. Boy do l know that life can suck, I could write a book. But none of it changes who I am, I am not some bitter old woman. I am still happy, he can’t steal my joy!
And it will get better, thanks!
@lisaviolet
My life does not totally suck because this fact in my life does not consume me. I myself am happy.
I believe every child should feel that love. I never had a doubt if mine loved me.
She would say, she should have never had kids. I would tell her, gee, thanks mama.
I do understand how it is with your mother, my mother had my sis and big bro in previous marriage, she kind of blamed them. They were tough kids. It did not help.
I’m fine, thanks for your support.
@Calabama Unloading helps.
/image take a load off animated gif
@medz Someone needs to rescind your giphy privileges.
Currently engaged, here.
We were together five years, with three years of long distance delaying things. It happened half a year after we once again lived in the same place. I opted for a wildlife reservation half an hour away, which was good because I’d be able to pull the trigger whenever the time was right. She had never been, but I went the previous fall and found a nice rocky area with stone stairs and tunnels, that looked like something out of Lord of the Rings.
We were loitering around a Marshall’s that morning, because she had not yet reached her monthly quota of unnecessary purchases. Somehow it was still morning when she was ready to leave, and I suggested we head to the park. There was an inch of snow on the ground, and the pond next to my spot was frozen, so it all looked great. Additionally, the park attendants were warning people away from the path to my spot due to it allegedly being slippery, so we had it all to ourselves.
When we reached the top of the rockery, I pulled out half of a hinged Lego ring box I had designed, constructed, and stashed in my coat. The idea was that it would slowly dawn on her what was going on as I put the two halves together and placed the ring inside, but this aspect fizzled, as she knew immediately. I got down on one knee, asked her to marry me and told her I wasn’t going to do some big contrived speech, since at this point she really ought to know why I was proposing. Not least because we had already discussed it. However, this was not good enough for some people, and so I was forced to enumerate the reasons.
We continued walking through the park, and I proposed a couple more times - with a couple more rings - for the lulz. She said yes and yes. Oh yeah, she also said yes the first time.
Dated on and off in high school. Put a continent between us for a couple of years. Dated on and off last two years of college. I got accepted to grad school in Boston. She got a job at a hospital in Boston. When we realized one night that we were headed to the same city she asked if the college had married student housing. You proposing? Sure. So I told her father she had proposed and he said great. We asked my grandfather (father passed away when I was young) if he was okay and he said great. A year later we got married but never moved to Boston (a story for another day.) Just hit 36 years. Funny thing my father always claimed my mother proposed. Guess it runs in the family.
Just wanted to say that after almost 72 hours, the word “livestream” hasn’t appeared in this discussion yet. Meh people are the best.
@curtw4
@curtw4 Or “Jumbotron.”
@curtw4 livestreaming proposals…
/giphy no that can’t be that’s impossible
@darksaber99999 @curtw4 I’ve heard of people involved in certain video game streaming marathons proposing on site because it was a thing important to both of them, but I’ve never been watching the stream when it happens. I don’t see it as that different from the elementary school classmate I saw whose now-fiance proposed right outside Citi Field, because they both are Mets season ticket holders.
/youtube games done quick marriage proposal
It was college graduation, on my way back to my seat as I walked off stage. We’d been talking about it all through senior year - we’d dated all through college and we had parental approval, but I trusted him with the ring and the timing. At the moment I thought the ring was still on its way from his uncle in California, who was a jeweler, so I wasn’t expecting it while he knew what the answer would be. It is the only time “shaking and crying” has been literal, but they were happy tears.
I said yes, though neither of us had any idea what the future would be like. That’s a different, longer, more tragic story. We never did marry officially, but it took a long time to get to the point where we could admit it was never going to happen.
The ring was stunning, though white gold instead of the yellow I usually favor. I lost it about halfway through the engagement. It’s been years since the engagement ended and he literally lives in another country now, but I do wonder if I should save up to give him his ring back.
@Kawa Is it just me, or does your engagement story read like a Meh shopping experience?
The ring: Please, let it go, along with any regret. It was a learning experience, and life is short.
@gregormehndel I don’t regret ending the relationship, but I know with that ring alone he’s out a really significant chunk of change (probably the most he’d spent at once before leaving the US) and I feel personally responsible for that, at minimum. But you’re right.
Oh man this was a good one. The date: April 15, 1986. The place: Libya. This hot shot in a MiG-23 had been hassling our bombers all day and…
Oh wait… you meant that kind of engagement story.
@jbartus
@lisaviolet I saw. I just had to go for it anyhow.
@jbartus Dork.
@jbartus I’d let it pass, if it were actually true.
@lisaviolet guilty as charged
Short version: I proposed on the phone, she said yes.
Really, it’s better than that sounds. “Let me explain… No, there is too much. Let me sum up.”
We met in England in 1980 and almost immediately struck up a great friendship. In a lot of ways it felt like reconnecting with a very old friend, not just a new friendship. At the time it was simply friendship, not romantic. I came back to the USA at the end of 1981, but we kept in touch on and off over the years. (Some years more off than on.)
Somewhere around '86 she was in Florida visiting her brother, and wrote me to see if we could connect. But she put the wrong zip code on the letter, and it only got to me the day before she flew back to England. So we just talked on the phone.
Toward the end of 1993 we reconnected. Both of us were getting kicked around some by life, and we seemed to have a lot to talk about. Trans-Atlantic phone calls were bloody expensive at the time (a buck a minute when we started!), so we tried to keep calls brief, and use letters and mailed cassettes for most communication. Within a couple of months we both started feeling it might be more than just friendship this time. She already had plans to see her brother in Florida in March, so she altered her plans to spend time in Utah as well.
By Christmas things were seeming pretty serious, but we were both saying “maybe we’re in love, but let’s wait until we meet in March”. So of course I proposed to her over the phone in January! I like to claim that she didn’t answer me until the next day, but that’s only true because of seven time zones. She did say “Yes!” instantly.
Now if all that sounds a little insane, let me be clear. We haven’t seen each other in 13 years. We’ve never even kissed. Yep, completely nuts!
So she came to Utah in March. The first night I took her to a spot with a romantic view, and proposed again with a toy ring, she said yes again. A few days later we went ring shopping, and once we had the real rings, I proposed again. She still said yes. We picked August 3rd for the big day. Saying goodbye when she went back to England was terrible!
From there, things got complicated with questions like: does she move here or do I move there. One of us is going to have to move and give up their job, etc. Bit by bit, things fell into place. She found out the job she’d loved for years was being eliminated, so it made more sense for her to move here. She put her house up for sale in a lousy seller’s market, and it sold that afternoon. For her asking price. AND he was willing to wait until September to take possession of the house. Oh, did I mention that her daughter’s wedding was set for September way before “we” happened? And “Mum’s” home was planned as the base of operations for the wedding?
A BUSY summer! Lots of work and expense with stuff like her fiancee visa, and conditional permanent alien status. (My wife, the alien!) As we’re going through endless applications & interviews, one immigration officer looks at our phone bills and exclaims: “It’s going to be cheaper for you two to get married!” I think AT&T wept on our wedding day.
As I mentioned, she was here in March, I was over there in May/June, and she came over at the end of July, and we did get married on August 3rd. The wedding & reception were on the simple side, which we both wanted. And I’ll love her forever for letting my wear my own shoes with the tuxedo! (Actually a morning suit that we’d rented in England.)
Oh, another fun bit. She brought our wedding cake with her on the plane! But that’s not quite as impressive as it sounds. Traditional English wedding cake is fruitcake encased in marzipan and royal icing. They are very nearly bulletproof!
Then back to England for her daughter’s wedding in September! And a wedding reception for us, for her English friends & family. And also to pack up and ship her stuff, and clear out the house. Then back to the USA and settle into happily ever after.
Of course there have been bumps and detours along the way, but this month marks 23 years of being married to my best friend.
(Believe it or not, that is the “sum up” version of a very long story.)