Ruff Ruff Motherf**kers
28https://www.cnn.com/2018/02/13/politics/kansas-governor-race-dog/
FTFA: “A dog cannot run for governor,” Samantha Poetter, a spokeswoman for the secretary of state’s office, told CNN in an email statement. “Kansas statute and the Kansas Constitution make repeated references to a person being Governor. Nor can a dog carry out the statutory and constitutional duties required of a Governor.”
I just emailed the Kansas Secretary of State and informed his office of my intention to register an existing Kansas Corporation as a candidate for governor. Ruff, ruff motherfuckers.
I hope my attorney appreciates that this might actually get him to the Supreme Court (finally) as I challenge the LIVING FUCK out of the legal definition of corporate person-hood. (THIS [some stupid, wonderful, beautiful, gross misuse of our legal system bullshit exactly like this] is what will finally undo Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission, 558 U.S. 310, 2010).
Ya’ll can thank me later if this actually works.
@carl669 - yeah, I know . . . I know. The fuck count is suffering. But I will totally do the breakfast octopus on CNN. Maybe.
- 24 comments, 26 replies
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@Pavlov - your asterisks are forgiven.
Pavlov vs Kobach, Kansas, et. al.
Should be interesting, if it works!
If this works, I will totally show my tits on CNN.
If they let me.
@MrsPavlov I will totally watch.
As you go to jail.
@MrsPavlov Meh totally allows that.
@ELUNO @MrsPavlov
Everything is permitted in a meh whisper.
/giphy just saying
@MrsPavlov
@MrsPavlov @PlacidPenguin Nice tits.
Your plans are heroic! Great idea!
/giphy hooray
This would be funny if it wasn’t true.
Holy shit! Best of luck to you! I hope your corporation takes a seat in Congress!
Seriously though, well played. I hope it draws the necessary attention to this absurd ruling that “corporations are people”
@capguncowboy This senate seat brought to you by Brawndo! Brawndo: it’s got what voters crave.
/image electrolytes
It’s funny that teenagers who can’t even vote are allowed to run for government.
@RiotDemon they are pure and non-corrupt!
@ELUNO hahahahahahaha.
@ELUNO I’m sorry. Do you remember being a teen?
@ELUNO @RiotDemon
Isn’t every politician pure and non-corrupt when they get elected though?
They’re not non-corrupt; they’re corrupted with their parent’s agenda (and their own desire to escape living under said agenda).
@PlacidPenguin uh, I don’t think so.
@RiotDemon I’m a saint!
@RiotDemon
@ELUNO suuuuuuure.
/giphy uh huh
@RiotDemon I should run for office. I’m innocent and pure like a dog.
Update soon, waiting on Kobach’s office to make the next move.
We’re hung up on the word “residence” (in the forms) and a few other technicalities (go figure - that’s all the leg we have to stand on, technicalities), but we may have enough to at least ask (beg) for judicial review. Working now on how to best (inexpensively) to proceed and get the thing kicked immediately to federal court, if it will ever even see the inside of a courtroom.
The Capital Journal in Topeka phoned my attorney with questions about an hour ago. He had no comment.
Oh, and we’re creating a page / twitter handle for the kerfuffle, most likely it will be up over the weekend if this gets traction.
Game on, motherfuckers.
That’s a snoot that should be booped early and often, which is more than I can say about most elected officials.
Holy fuck that’s amazing.
Great idea! Hope you win.
/giphy corporate governor
My hero! I got excited because that’s a Great Dane in the header, but the actual dog is a vizla. Still given that I like dogs much better than humans, I’d be happy to vote for him.
Buttons? Banners? Tee-shirts? Bumper stickers? Slogans? Stickers? Donations? PACs? I have questions. There’s so little time. I hope than when I retire I am able to find as worthy an outlet for my time and energy as you have with this.
If you(r corporation) win(s) the election, I ask that you do me this favor.
Do this routine during inauguration.
Motherfuckers, LLC. for Guv!
Fuck yeah!!!
Brilliant!
Can I say I know Your Corporateness? I’ll be cheering for you all the way.
I know you didn’t ask for help, but These guys may provide support.
Also, how about the CAH guys? Seems like their kind of caper.
Keep us posted.
Update: Great minds apparently think alike . . .
I am not the only one.
More details tomorrow afternoon, after the next meeting with the shysters.
@kdemo But the lobbyist say you are wrong, and you are doing it wrong. You need to have your own personal lobbyist, for example uncle Wal-Mart spent 6.8 million on lobbyist last year. If you can’t afford to spend 6.8 million to have people lobby your representatives on your behaf next year you need to pull yourself up by your bootstraps and get on that.
Seriously the argument should be people can not be owned and we fixed that issue.
Now that would be hysterical if you managed to undo all the legal fiction around corporation personhood. Would put a ton of laws into chaos.
@Kidsandliz
Some chaos is necessary and positive for we “real person” beings.
This chaos would be loverly.
@Kidsandliz What if he won and gave corporations the right to run for office?
Does one have the right to sue, if one intends to lose the suit? How does one prove that they have a valid grievance in that situation?
I imagine that the statements of intent here would be pretty useful by the other side if this case makes it to court.
@fibrs86 Oh I realize why we have the legal fiction of corporate personhood and how undoing that would put so much into chaos… I sent the link to this thread to a friend of mine who is an attorney and PhD in business. She found it entertaining.
I live in Kansas. I’ll gladly vote for what you are doing. It’s got to be better than teens, right?! I live with teens, I can’t leave them in charge of a haircut, let alone let that kid run a state.
This. Is. Awesome.
That is all.
The shyster just called, apparently this caused a few people to actually lose sleep in their zeal to cut my idea off at the neck.
Here’s the short and sweet kiss of death: This has been tried in Kansas before, and failed upon the applicant’s failure to convince a court that a corporation is ‘natural born’.
The general consensus is that this dog won’t hunt.
I’ll let you know if I find a way!
@Pavlov
@Pavlov
I’d complain about a lousy judicial system, but isn’t that what we want?
@djslack
What causes babycorp to appear though? I mean, what would cause a stork to come?
@PlacidPenguin From what I understand, corporate birds and corporate bees have something to do with it.
@djslack
I thought it was the corporate bears and the corporate bees.
@Pavlov I wonder if that means people conceived/born in “unnatural” ways (in vitro fertilization, cesarean, etc…) are ineligible for office… I mean, very few people are born in 100% natural ways these days.
I’m afraid I can’t agree with Ms. Poetter. Dogs were probably politicians before we were. “If you can’t eat it and you can’t f*ck it, then piss on it.” - The First Dog
(N.B. Applies equally well to most corporations)