The green ones look like they just raided my medicine cabinet from a few years ago and dumped all the contents into a bar. You should be careful around some of those ingredients like the licorice root, they can have prescription interactions.
@cinoclav@Knightp Warning: “Consuming this product can expose you to chemicals including lead, which is known to the State of California” (AND EVERY FRIGGIN’ WHERE ELSE!) “to cause birth defects or other reproductive harm.”
Lead? Other chemicals? Really? I’m starting to think they DID sweep up the factory floor and produced bars from the collected detritus.
@mcanavino oh, that is one of the most well-written warnings I’ve seen for awhile - do heed the “DO NOT READ THIS WHILE EATING” notice …
While many may have sought the outdoor grandeur in hopes of avoiding the pandemic coronavirus, it seems they were instead met with a different germ that has been savagely hollowing out innards at a pace many orders of magnitude faster than the Colorado River gutted the southwestern section of the Colorado Plateau.
@mcanavino@stolicat When Beth lets loose with the puns, it’s glorious. Her serious articles are also incredibly well written and highly informative. She’s my favorite writer on Ars Technica by far, and they have plenty of great ones.
@fondaporn Fiber isn’t digestible, it doesn’t contribute to the RDV of carbohydrates. The amounted of fiber recommended in the diet is totally separate
@Telanis@Trinityscrew Thank you. That’s correct. I’m a label reader, and I don’t recall ever seeing one where “total carbohydrates” was less than the sum of the component carbohydrates. Does not make sense.
75 cents per bar sounds good in comparison to $3 per bar, but does not good in comparison to just what I’d be willing to pay for a single food-bar even if it wasn’t near expiry. No wonder they end up on meh after trying to charge $3 per bar.
The green ones look like they just raided my medicine cabinet from a few years ago and dumped all the contents into a bar. You should be careful around some of those ingredients like the licorice root, they can have prescription interactions.
@Knightp I know, looks like they cleared out the warehouse and the side drawers in everyone’s desk to assemble those ingredients.
@Knightp Right?! The other three have a nice small list of ingredients. The green ones are absolutely ridiculous. Clearly that one is adopted.
@cinoclav @Knightp Warning: “Consuming this product can expose you to chemicals including lead, which is known to the State of California” (AND EVERY FRIGGIN’ WHERE ELSE!) “to cause birth defects or other reproductive harm.”
Lead? Other chemicals? Really? I’m starting to think they DID sweep up the factory floor and produced bars from the collected detritus.
@cinoclav @Knightp @Trinityscrew California puts this shit on everything. I’m sure my tap water has fine print that says this too.
For a moment I thought this was lotion for those private moments.
@yakkoTDI
What, like hand cream?
So… not a good substitute to stock up on as an alternative before the Halloween Candy shortages.
@lonocat Depends on how much you hate your neighborhood kids…
Lot of fat and carbs in these flavors. Might be high in protein, but those other macros…yeesh.
@grammarsheriff On a plus note, they apparently make good private moment lotion…
Nope. But…“All Apologies” to meh.
If drinking water from the Grand Canyon is too much of a hassle, try these bars!
For those unaware: https://arstechnica.com/science/2022/06/the-grand-canyon-is-brimming-with-norovirus-sickening-over-150/
@mcanavino oh, that is one of the most well-written warnings I’ve seen for awhile - do heed the “DO NOT READ THIS WHILE EATING” notice …
Bravo, Beth Mole, whoever you are!
@mcanavino @stolicat That’s one helicopter ride I’d prefer NOT to take part in!
@mcanavino “Honey,did you pack the DEP/EPA approved barf bags”? “No…thought we could pick some up at one of the souvenir shops”.
@mcanavino @stolicat When Beth lets loose with the puns, it’s glorious. Her serious articles are also incredibly well written and highly informative. She’s my favorite writer on Ars Technica by far, and they have plenty of great ones.
So the last ones should be “Evil Soylent Green Torpidity”
@detailer, It is, but they call it Green Cannibal Treat. I will send a 9 pk to Sen Marjorie T Green!!
How is the “total carbohydrates” number smaller than the fiber + sugar number? I don’t understand their math.
@fondaporn I was just telling my spouse that they appear to be listing net carbs or something because that didn’t add up.
@fondaporn Fiber isn’t digestible, it doesn’t contribute to the RDV of carbohydrates. The amounted of fiber recommended in the diet is totally separate
@fondaporn @Telanis
Telanis - That’s not what they’re saying.
Almond & Vanilla
Total Carbs 13g
Dietery Fiber 7g
That leaves you with 6g net carbs. But then the total sugars are listed at 10g. That doesn’t add up.
@Telanis @Trinityscrew Thank you. That’s correct. I’m a label reader, and I don’t recall ever seeing one where “total carbohydrates” was less than the sum of the component carbohydrates. Does not make sense.
I saw the street plows gathering up people to use as ingredients for these bars!–C.H.
@Bumplepimp
NUZEST PROTEIN & VITALITY BARS ARE MADE OF STREET PLOW GATHERINGS! STREET PLOW GATHERINGS!!!
Hmm - bars no longer available on Amazon but reviews still visible aren’t as good as the Google (which are all Australia/NZ): https://www.amazon.com/New-Clean-Lean-Protein-Bar/product-reviews/B079VXCL2H
I will try some. I will try almost anything once.
This was probable a dumb purchase but maybe I can chew my way through them on upcoming camping trips.
/giphy taut-versed-sunflower
@jwoody27 Congratulations on achieving perhaps the least relevant giphy in recent memory…!
@jwoody27 @shahnm And when it comes to /giphy, that’s really saying something!
Oof. They might be chocked full of protein, but they’re also full of carbs and fat.
I’ll just have a snickers, thanks.
Calorie to protein ratio is not strong on these. Interesting, but…pass.
@giorgitd And I bet the more you eat of these, the more you’ll pass.
And to me 75 cents each is a little pricey for a discounted breakfast bar.
/giphy violet-compliant-gun
Stop trying to sell me expired food. Got any very niche tech, knives, or speaker docks?
75 cents per bar sounds good in comparison to $3 per bar, but does not good in comparison to just what I’d be willing to pay for a single food-bar even if it wasn’t near expiry. No wonder they end up on meh after trying to charge $3 per bar.
Specs
Product: Pick-Your-2-pack: Nuzest Protein & Vitality Bars (24 total)
Condition: New
Deliciously handy plant-based protein bars:
Good Green Vitality Multivitamin Bar
Available Flavors
====
Nutrition & Ingredients
Almond & Vanilla Clean Lean Protein Bar
Peanut Butter & Chocolate Clean Lean Protein Bar
Coconut & Lemon Clean Lean Protein Bar
Good Green Vitality Bar
What’s Included?
Price Comparison
$71.64 for 24 at Nuzest
Warranty
90 days
Estimated Delivery
Monday, Aug 15 - Thursday, Aug 18
I ate one of these
AND a Big Mac 
+ a Beer 
!! 
The Above Comment Is NOT What I Posted,…So I Cancelled My Order
Okay, it was changed, but I didn’t know they can change the contents of a comment just on a perverted whim!!
mistaken legal sidewinder
Mine were expired when I received them…
@SKostohryz So yours were at the early end of that “August 13th to sometime in September” window that the listing gave for the best-by dates.
The driest, worst tasting bars I’ve ever had the misfortune to purchase. WASTE of money!!!
Took 1 month to get delivered. And now that I finally got them it’s now expired.