OHSHIT REPORT: Who lost the CEO's pot joke?
69When something goes terribly wrong here at Mediocre Laboratories we draft up internal memos called "OHSHIT REPORTS". We use OHSHIT REPORTS to help share details across the company about what went wrong, coordinate work across teams for how we're going to fix it, and dive deep into root causes. Here's a copy of a recent internal OHSHIT REPORT we created.
tl;dr
The company's CEO, @snapster, requested that a pot joke be included among the options in the February 25 poll about baked goods. It wasn't.
Background
During the daily content review meeting on February 24, @snapster expressed disappointment and surprise that a poll about baked goods, which mentioned brownies right in the question, did not culminate with a pot-brownie joke in one of the choices. @dave conveyed this request to staff writer @JasonToon via email thusly: "Need to add pot joke to the poll" (Tue, Feb 24, 2015 at 9:58 AM Pacific Standard Time).
@JasonToon wrote the following joke for the poll: "I only bake things that get me baked in return, brah". He entered that joke as the next-to-last option in the Meh content management system, cutting and pasting the "Some other answer you'll bake up in the forum" into the seventh and final field. It was believed that this was adequate to satisfy @snapster's request to inject some reefer-oriented humor for the benefit of Meh's bong-ripping customers, who are so blazed on primo cheeba they'll laugh at the slightest reference to the almighty ganj.
Then @JasonToon forgot to hit "save". The poll launched on Wed, Feb 25, 2015 at 12:00 AM Eastern Standard Time without a pot joke.
Impact
Meh visitors who read the day's poll suffered a 100% loss of weed humor, although the loss is harder to quantify in absolute terms given the lost joke's uncertain humor value.
Future Mitigation Protocol
@JasonToon and any future successors will:
Hit the fucking save button when you want to save something, dumbshit.
Set an alarm for 5 PM Central time to make a final review of content for the following day.
Lay off the brownies when editing polls.
P.S.
If you followed along and understood all this, do us a solid and post the number of your connection in the thread below.
- 34 comments, 65 replies
- Comment
This is my second favorite OHSHIT report.
@hollboll it is my first favorite... wait... what's your first favorite? is it a public one?
@katylava Even though we just talked about it, @snapster had a pretty great one, and we can't forget the OHSHIRT report.
@katylava There are non-public OHSHIT reports? Are they good ones? SHARE
@Thumperchick most are pretty dull... usually data entry errors... like this one... but not written by a professional funny writer. although the OHSHIRT report was classic
@Thumperchick @katylava @hollboll
@JonT i can't help reading @hollboll's second sentence as "Not shirts really a problem, but it's too funny not to shirt".
@katylava Wait. You guys do stupid (read: lovely) pun jokes all day long and @JonT has the balls to bitch about us cluttering up the forums???
Congrats. Well done. Cheeba.
@Moose should do his promised dramatic OHSHIT report reading for this one
@katylava @moose I second this.
Pot joke? The pot joke's not here, man.
@Kento Dave? Is that you Dave?
@Kento I was just thinking about that bit earlier today... Dave's got a lot to answer for when he shows up again.
I guess this is the real reason why Woot relocated to Seattle....
Meh might just we waiting for Texas to draft their own recreational marijuana laws.
I'm hungry for more!
@aaronhurt I'm just hungry.
This was less techie technical so I was able to follow it 100%, which helps make it #1 on my list of OHSHIT reports. Plus I loved the Future Mitigation Protocols.
@tinkertime but I worked so hard on those other OHSHIT REPORTS :(
@shawn I appreciate your other ohshit reports... other than the one where I missed a fuku cause the damn page wouldn't load.
@shawn I know you worked hard on them, it's obvious with all the detail, charts, etc, it's just usually I don't understand a damn thing you are saying without googling it! Keep up the good work :)
I especially love that graph.
What about Pol Pot?
@Sunbun Naw, that guy was definately NOT funny.
@Teripie One of those cases of two words being good individually but never together.
@Sunbun Ummm with the stories I have heard from Cambodians (I have an NGO over there since 1999 and a kid from there who was born in a refugee camp that was shelled on a regular basis, her dad lost his leg to a landmine… and they were homeless…) I'd say this is not even close to funny… Pol Pot was Hitler on steroids.
555-TOON
That is all brah!
Connection: 69 dude!
Journalists recently obtained this never-before-seen footage of Meh's daily content review meeting:
@editorkid Far-out, man. :)
I like pot. (jokes)
I think someone's just paranoid.
Maybe this poll wouldn't have gone up in smoke if it had been a joint effort.
@Thumperchick - That's just how they roll.
@KDemo Somebody needs to weed out these bad puns.
@Thumperchick What I hear you saying is that they should have gotten together early to hash things out. These problems have to be nipped in the bud.
@joelmw @lisaviolet @Thumperchick you know what they say, the grass is always greener.
@JonT You'll always be my best bud.
@JonT Hookah-dathunk weed be so good at puns.
@lisaviolet I disagree, these puns are dope. High five @Thumperchick
@lichme Hey, that's just how I roll.
@Thumperchick too many puns gives me a chronic headache.
@lisaviolet Sorry for being blunt, but that is completely unaccepta-bowl.
@JonT @Thumperchick @lichme @KDemo Well, I'd love to stay and play, but I've got some cleaning to do. Just saw a roach on some papers in the kitchen...
@lisaviolet Ewww, they probably had the munchies. Make sure you get them all. Leave no stone unturned.
@lichme Yeah, it's pretty creepy. His running, man, zigzag here, zigzag there...
@lisaviolet Absolutely. Comedy this good should be on paper view.
@lisaviolet Just stay calm. Inhale.... exhale..... inhale..... exhale. Good, now go catch him. I think he ran under the pots
@lichme The world looks so red...eye can't understand it....
I love purple.
~1 year later . . .
I miss the high times, when puns used to be such a big hit. People just don't pipe up anymore.
Classic Toon
If it is a part of your CMS, why not add a pre-navigation alert: "You're navigating away from this without saving. Do you want to be memorialized in an OHSHIT Report?"
I'm waiting with bated breath for the "this is good shit" report.
I don't get it. You can make brownies without pot? Aren't you required to preface pleasure delivery systems missing 50% of the pleasure with the word 'Virgin'? You know, like a 'Virgin Daiquiri' or a 'Virgin Mary'.
@rossballard may be thinking of brownies without chocolate.
@AlohaSnackbar Those are called Blondies.
@rossballard I made a brownie in my pants just now - ohshit! :)
@Thumperchick I don't think Blondie is a virgin for a long time. IIRC she and Dagwood have two teenagers.
@BigBalzac and a heart of glass.
Bah, if youse wouldna finked he'da never noticed. Prolly off burning through the VC powdering his nose and playing with fast cars and faster women. Who's got cares about some dumb lame poll
Your "Oh Shirt" report for this time:
Wondering how much of a percentage that missing #6 would have had...
This was a great read. Unexpected, and funny. Thanks Meh!
Now I'm tempted to request a poll with 100 pot jokes.
@dave It was because of the graph, wasn't it?
This recent pendulum swing to pro-pot has really made me feel weird. It's just not my bag, so to speak.
@JerseyFrank Which is to say, I don't do the drugs.
@JerseyFrank I'm not into it, either - but it I'm pro-pot
@Thumperchick Do you live in a densely populated area? Do you live/work in a city? I'm not anti-legalization, but I'm not looking forward to it.
err... I ask because the smell is pervasive when walking the streets of San Fran.
If it didn't smell so strongly, I wouldn't care at all.
@JerseyFrank That's what I'm not looking forward to when it comes here. I'm fine with legalization, but as a nonsmoker, I just like not having to smell smoke, whatever it may be. (Wood-burning fireplaces and campfires excepted.)
@editorkid And all the pot jokes that come out of the woodwork. I live outside DC which went legalish last night and all the news casts leading up to that spend about 20 minutes making pot puns and horrible jokes.
@JerseyFrank I grew up in a neighborhood where pot smell was the least of our concern. It's not an issue for me, really.
@JerseyFrank @Thumperchick We have a cluster of good friends in Denver. A couple of years ago on a visit we did some caramels. It was good for several laughs, but nothing that I feel any need to do again. But I'm pro-legalization and from what I see in Colorado, it's been a good thing.
@joelmw @Thumperchick @JerseyFrank I traveled to Boulder last month, it was the cleanest and nicest city I've visited in a long time, absolutely beautiful. I think your concerns may be a bit unfounded.
@JonT @Thumperchick @JerseyFrank I'd argue that both tobacco and alcohol are worse--in terms of their impact on both the individual and society. And I'm mostly pro-alcohol too.
@joelmw I agree.
@JonT I don't live in Boulder. I live in Philadelphia. The pot smoking here wont be quite so considerate.
@JonT oh and totally not looking forward to explaining to people that I don't use marijuana the way teetotalers constantly are forced to explain their sobriety.
And I'm still not against legalizing it. If I weren't terrified that it would kill me, I'd inhale nitrous all the time. And don't prescribe me percoset. The kidney stones were almost worth that absolute euphoria.
@JerseyFrank you're telling me that whole Brotherly Love thing is a lie!?
"@JasonToon and any future successors will:"
Oh boy. That's not the happiest of tones to start off the memo with. Best see if the mailroom guy has a spare box from the copy paper.
That is just flat out funny (snapsters joke not half bad either).
@phatmass too soon?
If OHSHIT isn't already an acronym, can we make it one?
@Chops There were some good acronym guesses in an earlier OHSHIT report.
I couldn't be slowed down to read this. As a resident of the colony of the District of Columbia, I may not have voting representation for the taxes I pay each year to the U.S., thank you, but as of 12:01 a.m. on February 25, 2015, I may lawfully possess up to two ounces of marijuana for my own use. Of course, nobody can sell me any of the stuff legally here, but if I happened to own up to five mj plants here in my apartment, both I and my cat would have reasons for our silly grins. The Congress of the United States says that the colony of the District of Columbia can't spend a penny to implement the new marijuana laws that 69.9 percent of DC colonists voted for last November. Aren't you proud of your representative? I'll bet your representative can vote, even. Power. It must be nice.
@gertiestn This is one of the most ridiculous situations in the republic--and something that, IMO, should embarrass us all. And you can count on the current leadership in Congress to not give a shit. But, yaknow how folks are, as long as their rights aren't being infringed on, most folks just don't care. My apologies and condolences.
@joelmw ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ yup.
@gertiestn I really don't understand the pushback on this one… something that's really pretty minor, that the nation seems to be moving in the direction of anyway, and at a time when there already seems to be a strengthening movement for statehood… really think Congress should be saving the anger of the people for something a bit more serious.
@joelmw @gertiestn Everything that's not Federal property should go back to Maryland, like the part South of the river went back to Virginia. Reorganizing DC to include only Federally-owned land is the right thing to do. That way the Nation's Capital stays separate from State jurisdictional issues and conflicts of interest.
@gertiestn If you give them representation, then you also need to redo everyone's license plates, and that's just a hassle.
This is why I love this website. Goddamn I <3 you stoners.
Having just read the top bit I snorted, then spit, then peed myself, aw crap!