Merry Month of Meh-Mas Vasectomy Edition
7So today is the day. T-minus one hour till the big snip.
/giphy big snip
While this is usually an in office procedure, fortunately for me my urologist has a hard time feeling the vas tubes so I get sedated. On the plus side his hands were warm when he was feeling around.
So the the Meh-tizens I’ll see you on the other side. Unless this goes horribly wrong then well this could be the last post. Before I go a few words of advice.
- Take birth control seriously
- Don’t put food in front of a fat guy that cannot eat till after his surgery
- @mediocrebot is the grinch
- @chadp or @thumperchick really need to hook me up with a Christmas IRK
- Have extra fish on hand Incase your kids fish dies.
- It’s Christmas time be nice to the people around you.
- After Christmas be nice to the people around you, it’s called human decency we could use some more of it.
- Follow Auschwitz Museum on Twitter, they are trying to hit 750k followers and well they are a good organization for some historical facts
- Be the best you, you can be
- Write a teacher and say thank you it makes the whole profession worth it.
- Live life to the fullest because you only get one.
- Help me win a fish tank click here http://bit.ly/38xwgTu
What does everyone else have to add?
See you on the other side.
It’s
/giphy vasectomy time
- 15 comments, 33 replies
- Comment
The only thing I regret about getting fixed is not doing it sooner. Congrats. It’s a much easier surgery for a man. Though you may need ice for a few days. I recommend frozen corn. Good luck!
I think this is one of the sexiest things a man can do. Congratulations on manning up.
@CaptAmehrican Or ‘unmanning’ up as it may be.
@bleedmichigan All my best to you and your boys. Let’s hope you don’t live up to your user name.
VASECTOMIES! INTEGRITIES! LOYALTIES! AWESOME!
@therealjrn @bleedmichigan
CLIP! SNIP! NO DRIP!
AWESOME!
LEGOS! EGGOS! STRATEGO! AWESOME!
Welcome to the club.
/giphy shooting blanks
I know it seems weird, but honest to god, frozen peas make the best “ice pack” for that.
@regnowsin I already suggested frozen corn. Here’s why, after a while, the peas start to break down get flat and if you’re not using a second bag over them, they start to smell. Corn doesn’t break down and never starts to smell.
I don’t know why you want to be asleep. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and you’re going to miss it.
@Limewater an hour an a half of “digging” in my scrotum is not a once and in lifetime opportunity
@bleedmichigan HOW OFTEN DOES THIS HAPPEN TO YOU!?!?!?!?!?!??!
@bleedmichigan so it’s a usual thing then.
@Limewater once and only once hopefully.
@bleedmichigan So… what do you think a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity is?
@bleedmichigan @Limewater You’ll probably never get another chance to smell a scrotum being cauterized. Edit: or maybe that was the vas deferens… Either way
@bleedmichigan @medz And you can’t ask questions as they come up.
Q. Once you’ve cut open both sides, can you look in one hole and out the other?
A. No. There’s muscle in the middle, separating both halves.
You get that one for free because I’m a nice guy.
@bleedmichigan @Limewater Is that the muscle that reacted to the VERY cold operating room to pull the boys high and tight?
@bleedmichigan @medz I don’t think they’re the entirety of it, but I do believe they contribute.
@bleedmichigan @Limewater @medz I got the joy of smelling a uterus get cauterised.
Life tip: if you are going to watch surgery in person, make sure you eat in the morning. I got taken out into the staff lunch room and fed crackers. The funny thing was, I wasn’t grossed out. I mean, it smelled gross, but I wasn’t nauseous.
@bleedmichigan @medz @RiotDemon
Honestly, they’re about the same.
@bleedmichigan @Limewater @medz I think any burning flesh would smell similar and unpleasant.
@Limewater @medz @RiotDemon and thankfully I was asleep
@bleedmichigan you survived!
@bleedmichigan @Limewater @medz @RiotDemon When you describe it as burning flesh, I’d be afraid that it might smell appetizing.
@bleedmichigan @InnocuousFarmer @Limewater @medz does burning hair smell appetising to you?
@bleedmichigan @Limewater @medz @RiotDemon Whoa now we’re talking about hair. That’s basically the opposite smell. Among… fire smells.
I’d rate them like this:
@bleedmichigan @InnocuousFarmer @medz @RiotDemon
Not all “flesh” is meat and fat. The stuff that’s getting cauterized during a vasectomy or c-section is mostly connective tissue or other things that white Americans generally don’t eat. It doesn’t smell the same.
@bleedmichigan @Limewater @medz @RiotDemon
It’d be funnier if vasectomies smelled like bacon.
@InnocuousFarmer @Limewater @medz @RiotDemon I do love bacon
/giphy bacon
Not sure I would go for a second snip just because of the bacon smell. Now offer me a year or two of free bacon and we can talk
I have a friend who got snipped, then a year or so later his wife got pregnant. Made for some dicey times at his household until he got checked out and it was discovered that his plumbing had reattached and he was fertile again. On the plus side, his (unplanned) daughter was a wonderful child. (And she looked unmistakably like him
).
Yay!
My 30th birthday present to myself was the ol’ snipperoo. Like you, I wasn’t eligible for the quick 'n easy walk-in service, they had to put me under and do some extra rummaging.
While not the last time, I learned that day that I’m hilarious when I’m coming out of anesthesia. I had a friend, Bill, who was there to give me a ride home. Apparently in the recovery room I started shouting about wanting tacos. I needed tacos more than anything in the world. I guess I was shouting “Bill, where the fuck are you, I neeeeeeds tacos. Put them in my face hole Bill. All the tacos.”
As I understand it, the staff were in tears laughing at my taco demands.
The first thing I clearly remember, Bill and I were sitting at a Taco Bell drive through.
Bill: “What do you want?”
Me: “Ick, nothing I hate taco bell”
Bill: “MFer I’m going to kill you, for the last 30 minutes you’ve been carrying on about how you’ll die if you don’t get a taco”
When I went back in for my follow-up, all they could talk about was how funny I was. Embarrassing, but also pretty funny.
As a tip: Get some rice and freezer bags. Double up the bags to prevent unintended spills, throw a couple in the freezer. Reusable ice packs for your bits.
Feel free to cut me out of your vasectomy.
While I’m here, though… I did learn from my husband and a close friend of ours that regardless of how you feel in the day following your procedure, rest. Do not put unnecessary stress on your body. Recovery can go from relatively easy, to weeks or months of pain if you push too hard.
Take care!
@Thumperchick
/image TWSS animated
@medz @Thumperchick
/giphy that’s what she said
@bleedmichigan @medz
/giphy push it
joke time
What is the cheapest Christmas meat?
Reindeer balls because they are under a buck
Congratulations!
@j37hr0 hospital provided and aldi provided
@bleedmichigan @j37hr0
@j37hr0 @therealjrn cheap frozen peas
/giphy aldi vasectomy
You will need to provide samples to confirm success.
In the meantime, while you recover, perhaps you can review “research materials” in preparation for the office visits.
Found some comfy loungewear for ya.
Easy access to hold a bag of frozen rice/corn/peas in place and to change it out without even getting up.
@mike808
https://vasectomyshorts.com/
Why go to the rest when you can have the best
@snapster got beaten into the next e-commerce bonanza by missing out on that website gem.
BWW Jewel Stool
@cf1 seems legitimate
@bleedmichigan @cf1
If you’re not in TS or LA, then you are SOL.