It Was Fuku Night, Exactly One Year Ago .....

It was the night of November 13, 2014. The air was thick with the promise of little red bags filled with possibilities. I don’t remember how the buzz started, but it was clear this was THE night. Like everyone else on mehforum, I wanted the chance to buy some hidden treasure or refurbed crap. Would it be a roomba, speaker dock, or cast away dollar store toy ? Or maybe some random broken electronic crap or a much coveted hand drawn note filled w/more mystery ? I had been practicing “first mehs” for weeks. And I was good. How could I miss ?

That night also happened to be when my dear friend @cristynaeh was getting ready to go out of the country for business and I had promised to keep her company while she packed. She was flying out in the morning and still had a lot to do. It was expected to dip below freezing for the first time that fall, So when she picked me up, I grabbed my winter jacket and slipped on my LL Bean duckies. Her brain was filled w/ trip preparations and plans in place of Fuku dreams. But she appreciated mine and promised she would drop me back home in plenty of time to get online and hit the refresh button. It was 5 minutes away, so it wouldn’t be a big deal to get back in time.

We left her place to bring me back around 11pm. Plenty of time to get settled in and try for the much coveted Fuku. Continuing our conversation in the car, we chattered away. My mind focused on all the topics at hand, including the expected Fuku arrival.
She pulled into the drive, the way she had many times before, and I opened the door to hop out when she came to a stop. She said she would come ‘ round and help me carry some things.It was a new car for her — lower to the ground than her previous drive. I hadn’t been in it before tonight. I couldn’t wait. I wanted to get in out of the cold and to my computer. Plus the car had those weird automatic seat belts. It's sort of an automatic to move when they do. When they released me, I instinctively swung my legs up , around and out in one swift motion so I could pull myself up and out of the low seat. What I did not realize, as no one ever does, that a patch of black ice had formed exactly where she had stopped the car.

My smooth combination of movements to exit the car became part of some other worldly choreography. As my feet touched the asphalt, it was as if my dreams of executing the perfect Triple Lutz had finally come true. I went flying up into a dizzying array of heights with such grace ( or so I imagined) it would put Nancy Kerrigan to shame.
Oh crap. Wrong skater to conjure up. Here comes Tonya Harding and friends.

I didn’t two foot my landing, In fact I didn’t stick it at all. I was not wearing skates to glide through my return to earth, and the duckies, even with their thick gummy treads, would not hold me.

Something went terribly wrong. Terribly, terribly wrong.
Instead of my feet, my upper leg slammed onto the asphalt.
Something apparently broke. Completely and totally broke.

@cristyneah ran over and did what any good friend would do: she panicked. “Can I help you up ? “ “Do you want me to call 911”
No I probably just knocked the wind out of myself and need a minute to catch my breath. I’m fine. Really.
And then the pain bypassed my brain and came out like the howling of some primal beast deep within my being.

She ran inside and got a family member.

I laid on that ice patch, and cursed out the one person who should shoulder the blame for this : the goat. Curse you @cengland0 ! I cursed in a way that would of made @carl669 proud. It may be late now, but it was on your watch @cengland0. It’s your blame to shoulder. And it's never really too late for blame, is it. The Something Went Terribly Wrong song had many new verses, liberally sprinkled with “fuck”, added to that night. It ran through my brain in a desperate attempt to keep my mind off my leg.

I will spare you the agonizing details of waiting for, being put into and riding in the ambulance, the gory details of the ER and subsequent surgery ( I now have some shiny titanium in my femur ) .
After all that, a week in the hospital,a month at an in-patient ortho rehab ( learning how to walk is more involved than I ever possibly imagined ), various complications, and 4 months of in home care later, I’m down to a cane when I leave the house. I still much PT to go.

Thanks @Barney for asking why I had been missing all last winter. I felt well enough to come back to the forums in July…. just in time for the BD Fuku. Only for that bag, I didn’t do anything in a hurry to get online on time.

TL:DR In spite of my best efforts, I did not get a Fuku on November 14 at midnight. But I still got a lot of crap.