If you were a candle what scent would you be?

@Barney I was thinking Grape Nehi

@Barney lavender??? Grape???

And your candle is purple of course

@Barney This one makes me think of you:

@sammydog01 I’ll go with that one!

@mfladd I have a black licorice candle. I like it.

@mfladd Maybe you should try this:
/image Black Wit-o Wheat Ale

"A very different Dark Wheat Ale. This beer is brewed with a touch of Star Anise at the end of the boil giving it a clean smooth finish with a hint of licorice."

@sammydog01

@mfladd

If you don’t stop being so damned depressed, I’ll have to stop being lazy and go out-depress you.
I don’t want to do this to either of us. But if I do, you won’t stand a chance. (That’s a joke.)

So.
Life sux. Everything is horrible. Things hurt. Stupid pointless losses hit. We do bad things. People and institutions fail us and screw us and condemn us. We screw ourselves and everything we cherish.
Our own minds condemn us. We get stuck in darkness. For whatever reason, everything we try goes bad and we will be worthless forever.
There are no possibilities. We are all horrible and worthless failures.
There is only that darkness and we will stare at it forever, and that’s all we will ever see, and the darkness is even kind of compelling in its own right.

Your mind ever talk to you like that, perhaps?

Or maybe that’s not quite an accurate reading of the universe of possibilities perhaps perhaps perhaps?

Neurotransmitters. Tunnel vision. Rejection and failure. Bad times.
Failure, self-defined and self-accused.

Gotta love that mind-thing, and it’s little self-destructive thought-traps and mood-binges.

I hear these are normally temporary states of mind and states of being. (Which sound like the biggest BS ever when you are in that state.).

Stuff can be learned about acquiring alternatives.
Stuff can be unlearned about staying in darkness.

So
Maybe not this mood forever.
Capisce?

(I do not mean to make light of a genuine depressed state, ok? And it would be quite cool, if you are a bit in that states of mind, if you chose to tell us a little about being stuck there - either the events or the dark mood.)

(Also, if i’ve got it wrong, I apologize for over-reading. Just thought I might have seen a trend. Did not mean to impose an interpretation.)

(And if this is intrusive, I triple apologize. Please forgive.)

@compunaut oooh sounds delicious and like would be a nice scented candle. I like star anise

@f00l

@mfladd

Oops.

@mfladd

"Scary good- a hauntingly perfect potion of black licorice spiced with anise and cloves"

@mfladd
Presuming I got it all wrong, are you gonna forgive me?

@f00l Sometimes it is not easy to talk about real life.

@f00l

@Barney
@mfladd

I know it’s hard -or impossible - to talk about in public if something like that exists. Would be for me. I prob wouldn’t have been able to talk about stuff like that were I in that state, for most of my life.

But sometimes not mentioning it - if there’s a possibility someone is in a blacker space than they wish to let on about directly - can be bad too. Sometimes silence is not useful.

So I took a chance. Made an ass of myself. What else is new?

@mfladd, I don’t pretend to know where you are even a little. And neither I nor anyone else has any right to demand to know anything.

There had just been a vibe…
I thought, maybe, better to mention it head-on than not.

If I screwed up, well, I live in screwupville, so welcome home to self already.

Carpe fuckup.

@mfladd, ok? You cool? Am I cool?

@f00l @mfladd I shouldn’t have butted in. I’m sorry and I apologize to both of you.

@f00l

@Barney

@mfladd Yeah, I am.

@Barney
That’s right. You totally are totally purple cool.

@f00l I had a year of fml feelings. Deep. Would lay down and wonder how nice it would be to take a nap and just not wake up.

I figured this was messed up and not normal. My doc prescribed Lexapro. Yay! All better! A few months later, my legs started to hurt. And they hurt a little more each day. One afternoon I was on the floor in the kitchen getting the meatloaf pan and I couldn’t stand up. I had to pull myself up holding the counter. Yeah, okay, this isn’t right either.

Then the pharmacy didn’t get my refill prescription in time and I ran out. After two days (TWO DAYS!) of no Lexapro, the pain started to subside. I never took another one of those pills. And the fml feelings were gone as well.

It was a really weird time. Don’t want to go there again.

@f00l I’m glad you’re back.

@lisaviolet I never took any pills (none, zero, zip) until 4 years ago when my heart decided it didn’t want to beat right. (Going to the beat of a different drummer?) I hate pills and I’m not overly fond of my new pharmacy. Why do things have to be so complicated?

@mfladd

Evenyone’s experiences are unique. And sometimes uniquely horrible. And sometimes uniquely horrible for a while.

That said, you ain’t the only one who’s been there.

Lemme be clear. I did read various versions of the DSM and a few books, but that was for “culture”. I have absolutely zero zero zero zero zero professional anything.

Do know some shit about darkness “inhaling”, tho. From a user perspective.

So yeah. Ain’t it fun?

You just continue to be cool.

@lisaviolet
@Barney
@mfladd

For me the hopelessness was more like a way of life. I thought other people were just more competent, had better mood-control, were better actors, could figure things out when I couldn’t. When I was much younger - way back then - i never ever told how I felt, cause it freaks people out, and it’s just one more way to be a loser. And I never told professionals, cause they wanna mess around with people. Based on friends’ experiences who got too close to that profession. In the 1960’s sometimes it was brutal.

Then in the 90’s I tried ssri’s. Helped, but no fix-all. I had, I suppose, too much learned and habitual thought behavior for a med to just fix things. But the meds did help at the time. Or placebo effect. Whatever. I got the effect, I can manufacture a personal explanation-myth if I need one. I suppose an MMRI sequence could settle it, but I don’t care that much.

But … times passes … you learn stuff … the world looks different … you learn you can kickstart your own damned brain. In my case, very slow learner.

I am lately on ssri’s, light dose, sometimes, have a script, sometimes not. Doesn’t make a huge diff, prob helps a little.

And I learned to run the shrink types my way when I chose to see them. it’s been a fifteen years or more now since I saw one. Being extremely sceptical and stubborn and reading more than they read has its uses. When they work with me, they work for me. On my terms.

Besides, has anyone ever met or heard of a behaviorial health care professional who could explain what they do and how it works? Not marketing crap, actual explanations?
No?

Well, that’s because no such person exists. Tho they do know about meds and genetic stuff, and they know a lot about what’s practically useful.

I don’t mean they’re clueless. They’re not. They know a lot of stuff by feel, and by being in the trenches and being there every day. They mostly learn on the job. And they know a great deal about certain clearly biologically or genetically based conditions.

But I can read their goddam books and their goddam publications too. Apart from being supportive and teaching cognitive stuff and habit stuff, and recommending known helpful life adjustments and practices (for ex: thought stopping, which is a useful thing; or life modifications; or meds; or a place to talk), and providing a safe place, a dedicated place and med management, and paying attention and offering a place to go work thru it all, they don’t know how it - the person to person part of it - works. And they don’t know that much about how recovering from a severe depression works. Although they can damned help anyway. Practical knowledge. Assessment knowledge.

They have their big theories - a new one or new twist at least once a decade - and a bunch of new books and papers come out. And in another decade they’ll have another new theory or twist or two, and new books and new papers.

Not putting them down. That’s just where the science and knowledge are at the moment. I have big respect. Those people work hard, and it’s not even a slightly an easy job.

Even in the past year I have been a little shocked now at how far away most of that darkness seems now. Had no idea for decades that there was another way to live. And the change is not mostly pills. It’s a life-learning thing. Your brain can surprise you. Even if you’ve been around so long you rode dinosaurs to school in the old days.

So over time I learned to run the “mood” amd “optimism” portions of ye olde brain instead of having el sicko brain run me. This learning process only took way more than half a century in my case. I’m a tough nut I guess.
Or the brain is an astonishing piece of equipment, and it luvs self-delusion.

@lisaviolet
Ssri’s vary strongly in their side effects. Hugely. If you ever could use one again, don’t take lexapro and switch meds if you get anything that might be a bad side effect.
I can’t take lexapro. If I do, I stop sleeping. I can take Effexor and Prozac. No Paxil, I forget why.
You gotta find the fit. Sometimes getting the fit is a pain, but worth it. Do not be silent if you don’t like a med. make them change it.

@Barney
You once asked why I was quiet over in deals, and until recently, here. This is the part I hadn’t talked about. Plus a wee bit of engulfing total anxiety and there’s that slight tiny ongoing sanity problem.

@mfladd
Once I was a crazy miserable bitch.
Now I’m just a crazy bitch.
Hey, whatever works.

If you need to know how to be a major bitch, I can try to find some good books for you. Love books.

Ok the sanity thing is still a small issue for me. But fuck it.

@f00l You want a laugh? Since you didn’t/wouldn’t talk to me at Deals, I thought I had done something to make you not like me. I guess I was a little insecure. Woot and then Deals were the first websites that I hung out on. I was always worried that I would screw something up and I thought that I had done it with you. I guess that’s my little piece of insanity – my insecurity.

Edit: I really think we are all a step or two away from full blown insanity, but I won’t go into that now.

@Barney
You know, I still don’t know who you were over there at DW.
DW was also the first social thing on the net I was into in, I dunno. Ever, I think. Amd also quite socially insecure, because I always live that way.

But I would dart in and say something or a few things and then get all convinced I’d been inappropriate or stupid or whatever. I can convince myself of the absolute worst about self. Sometimes I was scared to talk to someone I hadn’t already talked to previously, for fear of being even more stupid. As in, don’t commit more crimes of presuming worthiness or value. I can be quite irrational. And I can worry endlessly about stupid stuff before and after the fact. Still do it. So over there - don’t quite remember - I think I focused mostly of facts and theoretical statements? Cause those I thought I could get away with?

And I had family stuff and personal stuff at the time, was stressful. I don’t “read” stress well - I interpret it as personal failure. That messed with brain too, in terms of perspectives and energy. And there were my many ongoing personal delusions about my total incompetence.

My collection of misery and failure delusions is so large that I should give it to the Smithsonian.

Have learned a few tricks tho.
About turning that off and dealing with it. Get this - some notable ones in the last 2 years. I mean, slow learner.

It might all come back someday I guess I don’t feel that way now, but no telling. But I don’t think it would be the same.

I’m just too pissed off about darkness now to put up with it the same way.

And there is a specific family member whom I owe owe owe.

Ah well. One thing that helped was getting a clearer idea what the “job” is with life. This is rather recent. Getting more zen and more - I dunno - impatient about what useless shit I will put up with from my brain.

Mental illness is such a gas gas gas. (Thanks, Mick, thanks Keith.)
Live and learn, one hopes.

I was reading the forums over here pretty often from the start. I remember first seeing you - and then the first time you were challenged about being a bot

I saw your reply and thought “that’s a truly elegant wit”. Wilde should be so clever.

And then I watched your vocabulary grow with some fascination.

I think I was not reading when you were Goat, and so didn’t know about that - family stuff then. I didn’t read here much for about a year. Also stayed away from the Goat thing. Cause what if someone made me Goat? Was convinced I would be a outed as a total failure.

And then I started making noise here last spring/summer and for some reason can’t shut up. WTF. Put Duct Tape over mouth. Except I’m out of tape and too lazy to go buy it.

Anyway we are all part idiots and we are pretty nice idiots and so OK.

@f00l I like this you, but I also liked the other you, so all is good.

@f00l Thank you for sharing. It’s a relief to know you’re not alone.

@lisaviolet
Yeah, that’s why I responded to @mfladd and what felt like it might be a pretty dark mood.

I don’t pretend to know where anyone else is, unless they tell you directly. And even then … did they really tell you? And if they did really tell you, even then, do you really get it? Is that even possible?

And another person can’t fix it. Sometimes they can help.

I dunno where @mfladd’s head is. I just thought mebbe …

Hey @mfladd! Do you know where your head is? Do you even keep track of that thing? It gets loose all the time, you know. Ever heard of a leash?

/giphy "unleashed mind"

@moondrake C’mon; you’re not that… uninteresting

@moondrake moonflower?? You are kinda artistic and creative I dont know if you like jasmine and lemon verbena but that is what comes to mind for you

@CaptAmehrican Maybe lavender and vanilla?

@compunaut Just feeling hollowed out and absent of purpose. It’s been a bad year.

@moondrake But that’s how you feel. I bet you smell terrific!

@CaptAmehrican @sammydog01 Not too far off but I’m not much for artificial flower scents. Probably the scented soap I’ve liked best was bergamot and anise. When I buy scented candles it’s usually the clean linen or ocean scented ones. Real flower scents are awesome. Someone in my neighborhood has night blooming Jasmine and on summer evenings the scent is so strong it’s like being in a perfume store. Some people don’t like it but I do.

@moondrake
Remember when roses had scent? Some of the antique varieties still do.

Not the ones from the florist anymore tho. They’re grown in S America, along with carnations and almost everything else.
Ecuador, a lot of them, at altitude, cause the climate is perfect for year round crops and … low production costs. The commercial varieties are developed for several qualities: Intense color and color varieties. Very large blooms. Ability to withstand storage and shipping (that’s huge). Scent is far far down the list.

Don’t you love being around honeysuckle?

@f00l this is why I grow roses outside my front door. Commercial flowers are so disappointing. Not to mention, my cat eats them. I hated when my ex would bring flowers. It was always when he did something wrong, and I couldn’t put them anywhere unless I wanted cat puke all over the place. He knew the cat would eat them, so why even buy them?

@RiotDemon
I don’t hate commercial flowers. It’s just that those varieties are developed for this purposes. If they didn’t grow roses in Mexico and Ecuador, and they could withstand shipping, handling,and some degree of storage, they would cost 5x as much, at. least. And large blooms are the biggest competitive sales factor other than price.

20 years ago the commercial lavender colored roses still had a lovely scent. But now even those have gotten larger, and the scent has gone.

I love being around a garden of the vintage varieties.

Carnations are far less fragile, they last longer, and they still smell lovely. I have a thing for carnations.
And for heather.
And for the really beautiful cool stuff that comes from Hawaii.

@awk

@no1 did you ever notice that valerian root smells like ass crack? Just sayin’.

@lisaviolet I am not sure I want to know why you know what ass crack smells like… (grin)

@Kidsandliz Yeah, I kinda didn’t think that one through…

@lisaviolet I’ve heard that there are certain positions you can get stuck when the sheets get tangled…

@no1

@everyone:
If you ever get some of this, I’m told, Do Not Open It Or Spray It Indoors

I have no personal experience.
http://www.liquidass.com/

@f00l I watched a video of someone that bought that. I thought they were going to throw up from one little sniff.

I don’t think I’d even want that around me for a prank.

@compunaut No, that wasn’t it.

@jbartus @f00l autocorrect strikes again. IDK where it came up with that K.

@jbartus

@mfladd I am, and proud of it!

You Can Buy Patriots Vanilla Scented Candles on Amazon.

@jbartus

I sent autocorrect over to visit you.

Enjoy.

@f00l I did.

@ACraigL
Fiddy scent?

@f00l 'zactly

@ilovehollboll does riding mower have hints of exhaust fumes mixed with the heady smell of fresh cut grass?

Also a lumber scented candle would be amazing!

What’s a First Down candle smell like?

@jbartus 2x4 smelled exactly like plywood, if you like that kind of thing.

@ninjaemilee I’d be more interested in fresh cut saw dust!

@Cerridwyn at the Renaissance Festival here, there is a merchant that has all these dragon items, including dragon’s blood incense. It smells amazing. I’ve never found anything else dragon’s blood scented that smells quite like it. They are all terribly disappointing.

Her incense cones are so smoky, they hurt my eyes when burning inside though. That’s why I’ve been trying to find someone with a similar scent.

@Cerridwyn Dragon’s Blood is one of the flavors the shave ice truck sells here. It’s pretty good.

@sammydog01 That is absolutely the best and always sells out first at school events when the truck is there. But here they call it Tiger’s Blood.

@mfladd Crap, it is tiger’s blood. It has been so long since the shave ice truck was here.

@sammydog01 you were starting to worry me, since dragon’s blood is a resin type incense, from a certain tree that’s actually becoming endangered.

@Cerridwyn Well that would taste just awful.

@mfladd iirc Tigers blood is cherry and coconut together. So, so good. Used to be my favorite. Source: when i was a teenager my dad got us into the snow cone business, it was my first job. This was sometime around the time Cocktail came out, so imagine the messes I made trying to throw those bottles around like an awkward young Tom Cruise.

Also, snow cone syrup has 5 lbs of sugar per gallon!

@djslack Thanks- I just remember it as fruity. And I remember that fact about sugar from when they sold the snow cone machines. I have been making syrup from sugar and Kool-Aid. We used that machine every day until maybe October.

@sammydog01 ayep

@djslack I really love the dragon’s blood we have at my house. I’ll have to see if I can find tiger’s blood because that scent sounds amazing.

@ilovehollboll what does red smell like? Red hot candies? Apple? Cherry??

@CaptAmehrican

Just red. Not sure why red has to smell like a candy or fruit.

@mfladd

Like happy flavored.

More pure happiness!

(I guess this has launched.)
What Does UT Smell Like? Longhorns Launching Fragrance Line
(From KUT, an NPR/PBS affiliate.)

http://kut.org/post/what-does-ut-smell-longhorns-launching-fragrance-line

Some other happy scents

@Barney my Google result was different… I loaded this tab a while ago, came back to it on my phone and ilovehollboll’s pic wasn’t there from that time. And I spent too long reading to edit it now.

And you ninja deleted, but I’m leaving my reply to explain why I basically copied the pic above.

@djslack And now I’ve got you talking to yourself. Sorry.

@djslack

@Barney Damn you, edit ninja. You left my gif hanfing in space too!

@mfladd Huh – I thought that was you being your usual weird self.

@mfladd oh, my bad! I saw you already posted, so I didn’t want to double post.

@heartny They come in purple too. Unfortunately they smell like cake and not Peeps- I was disappointed.

@sammydog01 Oh bummer, I missed out on the purple one.

@shruggie Eau de ursine snot?

@CaptAmehrican I checked Amazon to see if this was affordable. Not even close. But there was a whole page of octopi candle holders- so cool.

@sligett If that one doesn’t, this one does:

@OldCatLady That sounds lovely and unique

@OldCatLady Wow, thanks for the link… their fragrances sound fascinating.

@OldCatLady

It all sounds weird, but that’s me.

You too cool.

/giphy cool