Also… I never really thought about how weird the garter tradition is. At my exes’ sisters wedding, he caught the garter and I caught the bouquet. So luckily I was dating the person putting the garter on me. I didn’t think much of it at the time but why are we passing a garter between women?
@Fuzzalini@RiotDemon@tinamarie1974 you can get your officiant to say whatever you want. What you do in the ceremony is entirely up to you and whoever you marry. I didn’t say it in the marriage I officiated.
They did standard vows too… But left out the “honor and obey” line.
You could always have them say something like “who supports this woman entering into this union” or something like that. And you can have both parents walk you. I had my brother. We didn’t do the who gives her question.
Sometimes you have a say and sometimes you don’t – it all depends on your officiant. You should definitely have a meeting and come to a clear agreement on what will and will not be said by all parties (assuming you trust them not to go ahead and say whatever they want anyway). I had an officiant back out the week of my wedding because I refused to have “love, honor, and obey” as part of my vows. Especially because my spouse wasn’t making the same promise. Even though I had made it clear from the beginning, I guess he didn’t think I was serious. And he said he couldn’t in good conscience officiate the wedding if I would not promise to obey. So among everything else I was doing the week of the wedding – including tracking down a backup dress after the shop refused shipment on mine and it was sent back to the manufacturer – I ended up scrambling for another officiant. I did find one I liked, along with a replacement dress, and the ceremony went off fine. Mosquitoes, rain, and all!
Oh yeah, there would be no obey statements either! lol I don’t think it will ever be an issue though. I really stopped dating about 10 years ago. So unless Prince Charming comes and forcibly gets me to date him…
@yeld I consider my wife my equal and we had a mostly traditional “white wedding” (outdoors because I didn’t want one in a church). I don’t think she would say she is treated as subservient.
There are certainly sexist and out dated elements to wedding ceremonies but I don’t think that need impact the marriage to be unequal.
Certainly though, if any women are planning on getting married and they’re worried about it, talk to your officiant and ask him/her to leave out any parts you consider demeaning or sexist. If you want a laugh, and he’s up for it, change the vows so he says he will honor and obey you… The only thing legally needed from the wedding is the paper work (and that doesn’t even have to be done at the same time as the ceremony).
@OnionSoup@yeld My dad did thousands of weddings over his career. So many of them had custom sections. He was always afraid he’d drop the piece of paper he had written down what they wanted him to say/do that was outside of the “traditional” and mess up their wedding for them.
@Kidsandliz@yeld I’ve only officiated one marriage, it was for the nephew of a family friend. It went really smooth until right at the end.
I have always known the family as the “X’s” and didn’t know that the nephew’s last name was actually “Y” different to the rest of the family. I customized the ceremony to what they wanted, interviewed them, asked a lot of questions and then I wrote up a ceremony and got their approval. (They didn’t have a wedding planner so I had to take on some of that role too).
When I showed them my ceremony plan they corrected me, that I was referring to him with the wrong last name throughout… I said oops and corrected it.
Then when I was in the actual wedding I used the right name until right at the end when I introduced the couple as Mr and Mrs… “X, I mean Y”.
Fortunately everyone found it funny. My only goof in the ceremony but it was a big one, and right at the end where everyone would remember it.
… Lol no one has asked me to officiate a wedding since then.