Depends on the friend. Of my 4 best friends-Barring extenuating circumstances (like if they lost their home or similar): One I’d boot after a week, two after 2 weeks, the other I actually lived with for ~2 years while she was in grad school. Ironically, the one week one I’ve known the longest, and I utterly adore her. But we make REALLY bad roommates, as we discovered on multiple high school and college vacations.
Usually 3 days is good.
7 days is stretching it.
15 days, I hide the pillows and towels.
30+ days I charge rent.
Every 30 days after that, I double the rent.
After my ex and her demon spawn got the boot, I absolutely cherished my peace and solitude. Three short months later, Mom and step dad came to visit. They bought an RV and decided they wanted to winter in the warmer climes of Scottsdale (I tried telling them I don’t live in Scottsdale… but it didn’t help).
They parked the RV in my driveway on November 14th. On April 19th they decided it was getting a little too warm and they should head back home.
And once I began to recover my sanity, I was able to cherish my peace and solitude.
@f00l You are absolutely correct. They came out three years in a row to stay with me. The fourth year is when dad got really, really sick. He was desperate to come here. He loved his winters in the sunshine and would frequently call back home to taunt his friends and family while sitting in the shade under a tree, grilling steaks or ribs. But it was not meant to be. After nearly two years undergoing various treatments, we lost him in April.
Given the choice, I would have rather have had my space invaded. It has certainly has caused me to be more conscious of the amount of time I let pass between phone calls and visits to my mom and my natural father.
@ruouttaurmind Yep, that’s how it goes all to often. We don’t appreciate something until it is no longer available.
Much as there is craziness involved, I am grateful my parents live next door for the past 5 yrs and that they are still (relatively) healthy.
@f00l As long as they are your parents or family I say enjoy them while there here after there gone I would bet you would want them back for that short period of time. I think I have had my parents stay with me for awhile ny brothers and sisters too. I have lost 2 younger brothers and would give almost anything to have them back to spend just a few minutes with me again. So my advice is let them stay as long as needed because I would almost bet they would want to get away as much as you do . Friends are great to have around for a weekend every once in awhile and if they were down on their luck due to unforeseen circumstances I think I’d let them stay for as long as it takes to get back on their feet. One thing I have learned the years is how to figure out if it’s help that is needed or are they just being needy. Peace ✌ out
@f00l No foul for bringing this up. I appreciate your perspective. Though, as I’m sure you can imagine, it’s a perspective that’s crystal clear. Particularly right now when they would have been preparing for the trip out to stay with me.
Mom is doing surprisingly well. She was a total train wreck for only a few days, then quickly recovered. I’m glad I was able to be there for her during the process.
Now she’s slowly liquidating the “stuff” she’s accumulated over 25 years of owning this working farm. The livestock and much of the equipment was sold off while dad was still well enough to handle most of it. Once he really started to feel the effects of his treatments though, that all had to stop.
She’s back to liquidating though, and I’ve been making trips as much as I can manage, helping where I can, and getting safety and security measures in place so she feels safe there on her own. The plan is for her to sell the farm, then buy a smallish house here. Nothing rural this time though, and I’m sure that will come as a bit of culture shock for her. To have a grocery store, bank and Walmart available WITHOUT the requisite one hour drive should be a nice adjustment for her though.
I hope she finds her way into the local community without a lot of stress.
As long as she has good reliable a/c in AZ, I would imagine that she will like the desert and the community, once the down times from her loss slowly ease a bit.
@f00l one thing that will help her transition is her sister lives about 75 miles from me. If she lands somewhere between us she’ll have regular visits from me, and will be close enough to drive out to her sister’s place frequently.
Thank you for your continued compassion. It is valued.
There are about four people I allow into my house. Otherwise I just go to friend’s houses. Most of my friends are neat freaks, and have bigger homes with more furniture. Once I have more than one guest, it feels crowded.
During the “winter” it would be easier to have more since I have a patio set outside. It’s still too hot to enjoy that now though.
My house is tiny, only one bedroom. So guests have to sleep on the sofa, which takes away the communal area I use for entertaining guests. Obviously that’s a problem. That said, if a close friend had something serious happen to them such as losing their home in some way, I would find a way to make do. When my mom needed to move here from the Austin area and establish residency before she could be moved into a local non-profit program’s Alzheimers assisted care housing, I took apart my dining room table and chairs and stored them in the garage. I bought a daybed and a small dresser and set her up in the dining room for three months. It was uncomfortable, as my house is a shotgun house, and the dining room is an open space between the living room and the bed room. No doors, no privacy, and the only path of travel through the house. We were both happy when she got her own apartment.
Long weekend about does it, even with a guest bedroom. It would be one thing if I could just leave them at my place during work hours, but I work from home, so there’s this weird “Can I talk to him? He’s working,” thing.
My parents visit about once a year, and last year, what I thought was going to be a five-day trip ended up being eight. I love them and enjoy spending time with them, but as a person accustomed to living alone, having anyone around for that long is taxing.
Friends close enough to be hosted fall under pretty much the same time frame.
I’ve lived in a smallish closet (not under the stairs) in a many person communal spaces for extended periods. Years. School. Done this more than one.
I was young. It was tight. it was a different time, and every single person had a fascinating brain. It was fine. Actually kinda had a fair blast much of the time.
And other miniscule spaces, later on, more solo. Again, it was surprisingly rewarding some ways.
In Manhattan I shared a tiny 2-bedroom with a roommate and often with a parade of long stay guests, a few and then another. little privacy. When the guests needed that, they waited until we left, or borrowed another place for a while.
But that was also pretty wonderful. It was the era to do that, both in the twentieth century, and in our lives. everyone was there for educational or artistic reasons, or they were just plain damned "cooll.
And you would look out the window and there Is Manhattan waiting, Manhattan calling. I was leas than 3 blocks from CBGB’s, one of many reasons to not come home much. The greatest city of cities in those days, the world came to Manhattan.
Well depends if the friend is of the opposite sex and attractive and with benefits, then in Texas 3 months is way too long. Friend becomes spouse at 3 months last I checked.
@OscarDeLaSoul There is no time associated with common law marriage. “To enter into a common-law marriage, a couple generally has to satisfy these requirements: be eligible to be married and cohabitate in one of the places that recognize common-law marriage, intend to be married and hold themselves out in public as a married couple. In other words, a couple who lives together for a day, a week, a year — states don’t have a time requirement — agrees to be married and tells family and friends they are.”
My sister invited my cousin over its been like 8 or 9 days now also know that my cousin never spends the night at our house maybe like once every 8 months only for like a night but this is dam annoying SHE SNORES SO LOUD and we have a small apartment so it makes it worse there already 7 ppl in hear we don’t need another it’s just fucking annoying I’m ready for her to go home
Anything more than a weekend visit is asking to much at my age. Unless our kids are friends… then they can stay longer.
Depends on the friend. Of my 4 best friends-Barring extenuating circumstances (like if they lost their home or similar): One I’d boot after a week, two after 2 weeks, the other I actually lived with for ~2 years while she was in grad school. Ironically, the one week one I’ve known the longest, and I utterly adore her. But we make REALLY bad roommates, as we discovered on multiple high school and college vacations.
@Jamileigh17 We think alike
Depends on the friend
I suppose good friends and family can visit very very briefly. Tho they are too smart to do this. There’s always a better offer.
Perhaps. Have to think about it.
Otherwise only truly extreme introverts and misanthropes are allowed. Perhaps.
Maybe not.
Better not.
/giphy alone
Usually 3 days is good.
7 days is stretching it.
15 days, I hide the pillows and towels.
30+ days I charge rent.
Every 30 days after that, I double the rent.
/giphy fortress of solitude
Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.
Benjamin Franklin
@chienfou of course, that being said, it totally depends on the friend and the reason for the stay.
And the fish. Smoked herring will keep for more than 5 days if kept covered in brine. Probably true of guests too.
@aetris unhhh, there might be a law about that…
Two ancillary questions:
Depends. How cute is the friend?
Depends on how they are paying for their stay…
/giphy if you catch my drift
After my ex and her demon spawn got the boot, I absolutely cherished my peace and solitude. Three short months later, Mom and step dad came to visit. They bought an RV and decided they wanted to winter in the warmer climes of Scottsdale (I tried telling them I don’t live in Scottsdale… but it didn’t help).
They parked the RV in my driveway on November 14th. On April 19th they decided it was getting a little too warm and they should head back home.
And once I began to recover my sanity, I was able to cherish my peace and solitude.
@ruouttaurmind? Or are you better now?
@sligett Slightly unhinged, heading for relatively normal with a chance of hysteria.
@ruouttaurmind
They drove you nuts and destroyed your ownership of your own space and free times. But you had them with you.
The balance on those two balancing interests can move around over the years. Sometimes it’s just way best to be driven nuts.
@f00l You are absolutely correct. They came out three years in a row to stay with me. The fourth year is when dad got really, really sick. He was desperate to come here. He loved his winters in the sunshine and would frequently call back home to taunt his friends and family while sitting in the shade under a tree, grilling steaks or ribs. But it was not meant to be. After nearly two years undergoing various treatments, we lost him in April.
Given the choice, I would have rather have had my space invaded. It has certainly has caused me to be more conscious of the amount of time I let pass between phone calls and visits to my mom and my natural father.
@ruouttaurmind Yep, that’s how it goes all to often. We don’t appreciate something until it is no longer available.
Much as there is craziness involved, I am grateful my parents live next door for the past 5 yrs and that they are still (relatively) healthy.
@ruouttaurmind
I remembered your talking about it. That’s why I wanted to mention it.
I know that if you had the choice today, you would have them be in your driveway for another winter right now.
@f00l
@f00l As long as they are your parents or family I say enjoy them while there here after there gone I would bet you would want them back for that short period of time. I think I have had my parents stay with me for awhile ny brothers and sisters too. I have lost 2 younger brothers and would give almost anything to have them back to spend just a few minutes with me again. So my advice is let them stay as long as needed because I would almost bet they would want to get away as much as you do
. Friends are great to have around for a weekend every once in awhile and if they were down on their luck due to unforeseen circumstances I think I’d let them stay for as long as it takes to get back on their feet. One thing I have learned the years is how to figure out if it’s help that is needed or are they just being needy. Peace ✌ out
@ruouttaurmind
Hope my mentioning this didn’t bring you to re-live the loss in a bad way.
My intention was just share that we know this was a recent and sad change for you.
How are your mom and family doing?
@f00l No foul for bringing this up. I appreciate your perspective. Though, as I’m sure you can imagine, it’s a perspective that’s crystal clear. Particularly right now when they would have been preparing for the trip out to stay with me.
Mom is doing surprisingly well. She was a total train wreck for only a few days, then quickly recovered. I’m glad I was able to be there for her during the process.
Now she’s slowly liquidating the “stuff” she’s accumulated over 25 years of owning this working farm. The livestock and much of the equipment was sold off while dad was still well enough to handle most of it. Once he really started to feel the effects of his treatments though, that all had to stop.
She’s back to liquidating though, and I’ve been making trips as much as I can manage, helping where I can, and getting safety and security measures in place so she feels safe there on her own. The plan is for her to sell the farm, then buy a smallish house here. Nothing rural this time though, and I’m sure that will come as a bit of culture shock for her. To have a grocery store, bank and Walmart available WITHOUT the requisite one hour drive should be a nice adjustment for her though.
@ruouttaurmind
I’m glad she will be close.
I hope she finds her way into the local community without a lot of stress.
As long as she has good reliable a/c in AZ, I would imagine that she will like the desert and the community, once the down times from her loss slowly ease a bit.
@f00l one thing that will help her transition is her sister lives about 75 miles from me. If she lands somewhere between us she’ll have regular visits from me, and will be close enough to drive out to her sister’s place frequently.
Thank you for your continued compassion. It is valued.
My apartment’s configuration is such that nobody would stay here willingly (small, dim, not great ventilation, unaesthetic, dearth of furniture).
And I would not want anyone here, either. Hell is other people at breakfast, like. Unless you mean “friend”, maybe.
absolutely no planned visits. however, if you’re too drunk and i like you, you can stay over. but just be gone by the time we wake up.
There are about four people I allow into my house. Otherwise I just go to friend’s houses. Most of my friends are neat freaks, and have bigger homes with more furniture. Once I have more than one guest, it feels crowded.
During the “winter” it would be easier to have more since I have a patio set outside. It’s still too hot to enjoy that now though.
@RiotDemon Five with me right?!?
@ELUNO sure, come on over!
@RiotDemon HOORAY!
@RiotDemon
@ELUNO
Leave space for me.
@f00l my dog is willing to share her bed for some scratches.
@ELUNO except no bringing spiders
@CaptAmehrican What would be the fun in that?!?
@f00l
All Dogs are Good Dogs.
My house is tiny, only one bedroom. So guests have to sleep on the sofa, which takes away the communal area I use for entertaining guests. Obviously that’s a problem. That said, if a close friend had something serious happen to them such as losing their home in some way, I would find a way to make do. When my mom needed to move here from the Austin area and establish residency before she could be moved into a local non-profit program’s Alzheimers assisted care housing, I took apart my dining room table and chairs and stored them in the garage. I bought a daybed and a small dresser and set her up in the dining room for three months. It was uncomfortable, as my house is a shotgun house, and the dining room is an open space between the living room and the bed room. No doors, no privacy, and the only path of travel through the house. We were both happy when she got her own apartment.
@moondrake At least she didn’t have to go far for dinner!
Sorry - there’s no space in the
bedroomcloset.Long weekend about does it, even with a guest bedroom. It would be one thing if I could just leave them at my place during work hours, but I work from home, so there’s this weird “Can I talk to him? He’s working,” thing.
My parents visit about once a year, and last year, what I thought was going to be a five-day trip ended up being eight. I love them and enjoy spending time with them, but as a person accustomed to living alone, having anyone around for that long is taxing.
Friends close enough to be hosted fall under pretty much the same time frame.
I’ve lived in a smallish closet (not under the stairs) in a many person communal spaces for extended periods. Years. School. Done this more than one.
I was young. It was tight. it was a different time, and every single person had a fascinating brain. It was fine. Actually kinda had a fair blast much of the time.
And other miniscule spaces, later on, more solo. Again, it was surprisingly rewarding some ways.
In Manhattan I shared a tiny 2-bedroom with a roommate and often with a parade of long stay guests, a few and then another. little privacy. When the guests needed that, they waited until we left, or borrowed another place for a while.
But that was also pretty wonderful. It was the era to do that, both in the twentieth century, and in our lives. everyone was there for educational or artistic reasons, or they were just plain damned "cooll.
And you would look out the window and there Is Manhattan waiting, Manhattan calling. I was leas than 3 blocks from CBGB’s, one of many reasons to not come home much. The greatest city of cities in those days, the world came to Manhattan.
It doesn’t have to be Manhattan.
They can stay at my place. I’ll get a hotel.
@MrMark even better…Are they willing to book thru Air BnB? You can use the $$ for your room
@chienfou Nah, the stipulation is they must watch my kids. So no charge for the house.
What’s a “friend”?
@mfladd they are the voices that talk to you at night.
@mfladd Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
@mfladd
I hope someday you find out.
/giphy bff
@RiotDemon @moondrake The voices told me to invest in a dolly.
@f00l This is my bff.
@mfladd
/image approved
@mfladd this kind of dolly?
/youtube guy dates real doll
@RiotDemon Ha! Check back with me when they invent one that can struggle against the restraints.
Well depends if the friend is of the opposite sex and attractive and with benefits, then in Texas 3 months is way too long. Friend becomes spouse at 3 months last I checked.
@OscarDeLaSoul There is no time associated with common law marriage. “To enter into a common-law marriage, a couple generally has to satisfy these requirements: be eligible to be married and cohabitate in one of the places that recognize common-law marriage, intend to be married and hold themselves out in public as a married couple. In other words, a couple who lives together for a day, a week, a year — states don’t have a time requirement — agrees to be married and tells family and friends they are.”
Hahaha, I’m a hoarder. You can stay a week you’re some kind of superhero.
I love having friends stay. Provided they respect my need to go into my room now and then and shut the door for some solo time.
465
My sister invited my cousin over its been like 8 or 9 days now also know that my cousin never spends the night at our house maybe like once every 8 months only for like a night but this is dam annoying SHE SNORES SO LOUD and we have a small apartment so it makes it worse there already 7 ppl in hear we don’t need another it’s just fucking annoying I’m ready for her to go home
@funkingweirdo yikes.