@davea510 Yeah - got that problem here too… Mine would like me to support her (and her 3 kids under the age of 4) in the manner in which she would like to become accustom (actually I’d like to support myself in that manner too) and is unhappy that I currently live in 2 rooms with cement floors and only one bed. LOL
My nest echos… lol… had my mom here while she was recovering from her first stroke- she passed after her third. my dad had cancer and i took care of him until he could get home- he passed shortly thereafter. my wife got sick, and i took care of her for a couple of years.
-She got better.
She’s now shacked up with a kid born 3 months after we first got together.
way to break a streak, there kid.
The good news is I’m not bad luck.
The bad news is I have really shitty luck.
My 2 youngest left for college last year and I was really enjoying the empty - it had been so long since I had the house to myself - I could watch a sappy movie on Lifetime and no one would know! Alas it didn’t last long …son #1 needed to make a clean break from his girlfriend and what better place to do that than at mom’s house. Oh well - one day it will be my turn to move in with one of them!
I made it into my 30s without having or wanting kids. I don’t consider my nest empty though because we have animals - currently 3 dogs and 4 cats - that keep us busy enough.
@amy01 I know of at least one kid who’s being raised by three people - two primary live-in parents, and a third who lives nearby and comes over at least once a week. (The third is dating one of the parents but not the other.) There’s certainly polyfidelic groups that raise children “it takes a village” style, too.
@f00l I was not familiar with that term! (I am not familiar with details of life in Israel, and have no interest in child raising, so.) Thank you, sincerely, for the education.
@PlacidPenguin
I think the family structure is far more “normal” compared to “normal family life” outside the kibbutz in terms of kid time with their families than was typically the case in the 1960-70’s. Currently, if I understand (based solely on reading), kids spend a lot of the majority of their time with their parents when the parents are not at work.
Back then the parents and kids would typically spend just a few hours a day together, if I remember What I heard and read.
Each way has advantages and disadvantages, I think. I once read an essay by someone who had grown up in a kibbitz back then, and had done some social anthropology or social psychology research on the kids who grew up in the “village” system. One of his comments was that he found, in his own research, and also in his personal life, that kids raised less in the “family” structure, and more in the “village” structure tended to be far less intense, and far more reasoned and relaxed, and less emotionally reactive, in their childhood and adult personal relationships. They also tended to be, as adults, very independent, emotionally and philosophically, but were low-key about it.
One of the things that’s good about kibbutz group childcare practices is that adults are always dropping in, and so the entire “village” supervised and participated to a great degree. Childcare there is not as isolated a setting as something similar would be in a more commercial or professional setting, or in a larger community. The size of the community makes an enormous difference, in that everyone knows everyone else rather well.
If you were going to literally raise kids in a “village”, a kibbutz might be a pretty good place to do it, as the adults are a self-selected group of very hard-working and practical, courageous, intelligent, idealistic people who have chosen a difficult life of considerable challenge. It’s not the average “village” of people who just happen to live in a community.
@Fuzzalini@sanspoint actually I am part of that movement too, however I took in someone else’s almost 10 year old spare in 1999 and now it doesn’t want to leave - or more accurately doesn’t want to stay but doesn’t want the responsibility that comes with leaving…so wants to live here as if she has actually left (eg “I’m grown I can do what I want” but wants me to support her without any obligations on her part). Fortunately for me no room for the 4 of them (her and 3 kids under the age of 4) where I currently live. LOL
@jqubed True - but there is brain damage involved and some other issues. Socially and emotionally she acts like about 14 or so. PITA. As I said, no room for them in my 2 room apt, not to mention she isn’t allowed to live there per the lease. She is busy mooching off of someone else right now… I think they are dumb to let her do that although I am keeping my mouth shut because it is the best thing that has happened for the little kids.
@Kidsandliz Well the brain damage changes things then. But she’s mentally like, 14, and has 4 kids? Oof! That’s a shame. I guess no one could really legally prevent her from getting pregnant, but that sure doesn’t sound like a good, stable situation.
@jqubed I agree with you and yet that still leaves situations where it is problematic about what to do… She refuses, most of the time, to use birth control so it is just a matter of time before she has child #4, 5, 6, 7, 8… She, because of her issues, isn’t all that good parent, but social services here is broken except for infants born drug addicted (feds took them over) and so unless abuse is horrific kids really should be kept out of the system here… Unfortunately none of the choices are good and the lesser of all evils is a way for her to have no more kids.
@f00l It is out of my control. Shots, which I used with her when she was younger since there was lack of compliance with the pill, gave me the kid from hell (they screw with hormones in a rather dramatic way).
I’ve got a freshman son at University of Arizona and a daughter that just turned 17, so soon to be a very empty nest. The fact that he’s SO far away (I’m in PA) makes it that much more real. Honestly I’d be shocked if he ever comes back. My daughter won’t stray too far I think, but yeah, that’s coming.
@smyle Yeah, I’ve talked to several friends who say the same, but it’s just too much of a risk for me (one woman didn’t even really like her own kid until he was a toddler). Others have confided they mostly regret becoming parents, so the “conversion” rate isn’t 100%, and I think that would be a horrible situation for all sorts of reasons.
As I’ve gotten more years behind me and gotten a more diverse friend pool, I’m completely convinced there are many ways to happiness. The more traditional paths of kids, travel, career, etc. simply don’t do it for some people (two of those three aren’t for me), and it’s cool being part of a community where that’s accepted.
The difference between kids and a lot of other stuff is I couldn’t just “try it out” and drop it if I find it doesn’t do anything for me.
No kids, no pets (allergic to both dogs and cats). Have a bionic implant to keep it that way for the next few years, and will probably take the more permanent solution if I still feel this way when it’s time to take that out. Currently occupying my parent’s nest for purely financial reasons, but trying to move out this summer. Might have a fishtank instead of a nest when I move out, but that’s a big maybe.
I like people independent and developed enough to have deep conversations with, which is why I date multiple consenting adults (with each others’ knowledge!) and don’t deal with children.
Kids (2) are gone. Each is about 3-5 hrs away. Now we can run around the house kekkid if we wanna. Nest may refill with elderly parents who currently live right next door (84 & 92). Enjoying it while we can.
2 adult kids are gone, families of their own. They live nearby so that’s nice. It’s also nice they’re gone. We don’t have to work around anyone’s schedule but our own.
mine is fully charged, so not empty at all…
@thismyusername mine is full of economical bees…
@thismyusername I didn’t know you could do that. Mine is 3.93 volts, and password protected because of kids turning the heat way up.
They keep coming back and bringing their kids.
@davea510 Yeah - got that problem here too… Mine would like me to support her (and her 3 kids under the age of 4) in the manner in which she would like to become accustom (actually I’d like to support myself in that manner too) and is unhappy that I currently live in 2 rooms with cement floors and only one bed. LOL
This has potential to be one of the saddest threads ever. Let the hilarity in patheticness ensue!
I don’t have kids, just boxes of obsolete junk that I really need to get rid of. Anybody need an original iMac?
/image bondi blue
@awk I would but the shipping on those tube monitors sorta kills my desire.
@awk
How much for a box of junk?
@awk would you mind driving out to cali to get one of those babies to me
I am currently bird sitting, so my nest is pretty full at the moment.
@conandlibrarian I didn’t even think about this. We have a parakeet. It doesn’t really live in a nest though…
My nest echos… lol… had my mom here while she was recovering from her first stroke- she passed after her third. my dad had cancer and i took care of him until he could get home- he passed shortly thereafter. my wife got sick, and i took care of her for a couple of years.
-She got better.
She’s now shacked up with a kid born 3 months after we first got together.
way to break a streak, there kid.
The good news is I’m not bad luck.
The bad news is I have really shitty luck.
I need a margarita.
Is it just me or does the meh’bot need a tune up?
No kids for the nest.
My 2 youngest left for college last year and I was really enjoying the empty - it had been so long since I had the house to myself - I could watch a sappy movie on Lifetime and no one would know! Alas it didn’t last long …son #1 needed to make a clean break from his girlfriend and what better place to do that than at mom’s house. Oh well - one day it will be my turn to move in with one of them!
My nest is tidily empty, I don’t even let Alexa hang out here. Tho I do have a nice cat and a few houseplants…
@UncleVinny “Alexa, take out the garbage and finish your homework.”
@huja Well now you just bought a roll of hefty bags and somehow subscribed to an SAT prep course.
@hanzov69 Tiger parent
I made it into my 30s without having or wanting kids. I don’t consider my nest empty though because we have animals - currently 3 dogs and 4 cats - that keep us busy enough.
@Avalora Same here but got married at 35 and had two kids.
@sammydog01 I know of a few people that did that too! I won’t say it’s impossible that I’ll change my mind, just unlikely in my case.
what can one expect the nest to look like when you have complicated relationships
@amy01 I know of at least one kid who’s being raised by three people - two primary live-in parents, and a third who lives nearby and comes over at least once a week. (The third is dating one of the parents but not the other.) There’s certainly polyfidelic groups that raise children “it takes a village” style, too.
@Kawa
Kibbutzim, for example.
Kids raised by a village without references to adult sexual choices.
@f00l I was not familiar with that term! (I am not familiar with details of life in Israel, and have no interest in child raising, so.) Thank you, sincerely, for the education.
@f00l
Despite how many people I know who live in Israel (and that’s a sizeable amount), I’ve yet to speak to people about Kibbutzim.
@PlacidPenguin
I think the family structure is far more “normal” compared to “normal family life” outside the kibbutz in terms of kid time with their families than was typically the case in the 1960-70’s. Currently, if I understand (based solely on reading), kids spend a lot of the majority of their time with their parents when the parents are not at work.
Back then the parents and kids would typically spend just a few hours a day together, if I remember What I heard and read.
Each way has advantages and disadvantages, I think. I once read an essay by someone who had grown up in a kibbitz back then, and had done some social anthropology or social psychology research on the kids who grew up in the “village” system. One of his comments was that he found, in his own research, and also in his personal life, that kids raised less in the “family” structure, and more in the “village” structure tended to be far less intense, and far more reasoned and relaxed, and less emotionally reactive, in their childhood and adult personal relationships. They also tended to be, as adults, very independent, emotionally and philosophically, but were low-key about it.
One of the things that’s good about kibbutz group childcare practices is that adults are always dropping in, and so the entire “village” supervised and participated to a great degree. Childcare there is not as isolated a setting as something similar would be in a more commercial or professional setting, or in a larger community. The size of the community makes an enormous difference, in that everyone knows everyone else rather well.
If you were going to literally raise kids in a “village”, a kibbutz might be a pretty good place to do it, as the adults are a self-selected group of very hard-working and practical, courageous, intelligent, idealistic people who have chosen a difficult life of considerable challenge. It’s not the average “village” of people who just happen to live in a community.
Reproduction is for the birds. I’m part of the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement.
@sanspoint Me too! Planet’s overpopulated. Can’t blame me. Also, I’m spawn free, to do as I please.
@Fuzzalini @sanspoint actually I am part of that movement too, however I took in someone else’s almost 10 year old spare in 1999 and now it doesn’t want to leave - or more accurately doesn’t want to stay but doesn’t want the responsibility that comes with leaving…so wants to live here as if she has actually left (eg “I’m grown I can do what I want” but wants me to support her without any obligations on her part). Fortunately for me no room for the 4 of them (her and 3 kids under the age of 4) where I currently live. LOL
@Kidsandliz So she’s, like, 26? That’s too old to not be supporting yourself!
@jqubed True - but there is brain damage involved and some other issues. Socially and emotionally she acts like about 14 or so. PITA. As I said, no room for them in my 2 room apt, not to mention she isn’t allowed to live there per the lease. She is busy mooching off of someone else right now… I think they are dumb to let her do that although I am keeping my mouth shut because it is the best thing that has happened for the little kids.
@Kidsandliz Well the brain damage changes things then. But she’s mentally like, 14, and has 4 kids? Oof! That’s a shame. I guess no one could really legally prevent her from getting pregnant, but that sure doesn’t sound like a good, stable situation.
@jqubed 3 kids but still she is a good argument for forcible sterilization.
@Kidsandliz Yeah, but then that gets back to humanity’s dark history with eugenics. We don’t have a good track record with that sort of thing.
@jqubed I agree with you and yet that still leaves situations where it is problematic about what to do… She refuses, most of the time, to use birth control so it is just a matter of time before she has child #4, 5, 6, 7, 8… She, because of her issues, isn’t all that good parent, but social services here is broken except for infants born drug addicted (feds took them over) and so unless abuse is horrific kids really should be kept out of the system here… Unfortunately none of the choices are good and the lesser of all evils is a way for her to have no more kids.
@Kidsandliz I suppose there’s no convincing her to get one voluntarily?
@jqubed Both myself and her OB tried, or at least get an IUD put in. No luck.
@Kidsandliz
What about those shots or those implants?
@f00l It is out of my control. Shots, which I used with her when she was younger since there was lack of compliance with the pill, gave me the kid from hell (they screw with hormones in a rather dramatic way).
3 boys, ages 1,3 & 6- I’ve got DECADES before it will be empty.
@burress ohhhh so jealous… one of my minion came out with indoor plumbing!!
Happy to be single and childless. Anytime I want kids i can borrow the neices and nephew and a few hours later am glad to be child free.
I’ve got a freshman son at University of Arizona and a daughter that just turned 17, so soon to be a very empty nest. The fact that he’s SO far away (I’m in PA) makes it that much more real. Honestly I’d be shocked if he ever comes back. My daughter won’t stray too far I think, but yeah, that’s coming.
Upside: Every night is date night. Woo!
Soon! Two in college and one a junior in high school. Oldest is on the 5 year plan, though, so I’ll have 3 in college at once. Yikes!
v full.
@meh You need more dogs…
@duodec That one dog looks to be worth about two.
@sammydog01 @duodec she’s actually also a cat
Empty since the passing of our last dog, the gentlemanly Swiper. We will rebuild our Pack in the future but for now work makes that impossible.
In my mid 30s, never had or wanted kids. I know they truly make a lot of people happy, but I can’t imagine my life being better with them.
@ScottN I never really liked kids until I had some of my own. Now I’m the “community dad” for all my kids’ friends.
I understand where you’re coming from, but I can’t imagine my life being better without them.
@smyle I didn’t like kids until I had my own. But I still dislike most other kids. Get off my lawn, dammit!
@smyle Yeah, I’ve talked to several friends who say the same, but it’s just too much of a risk for me (one woman didn’t even really like her own kid until he was a toddler). Others have confided they mostly regret becoming parents, so the “conversion” rate isn’t 100%, and I think that would be a horrible situation for all sorts of reasons.
As I’ve gotten more years behind me and gotten a more diverse friend pool, I’m completely convinced there are many ways to happiness. The more traditional paths of kids, travel, career, etc. simply don’t do it for some people (two of those three aren’t for me), and it’s cool being part of a community where that’s accepted.
The difference between kids and a lot of other stuff is I couldn’t just “try it out” and drop it if I find it doesn’t do anything for me.
No kids, no pets (allergic to both dogs and cats). Have a bionic implant to keep it that way for the next few years, and will probably take the more permanent solution if I still feel this way when it’s time to take that out. Currently occupying my parent’s nest for purely financial reasons, but trying to move out this summer. Might have a fishtank instead of a nest when I move out, but that’s a big maybe.
I like people independent and developed enough to have deep conversations with, which is why I date multiple consenting adults (with each others’ knowledge!) and don’t deal with children.
No kids, no nest. Maybe one day I will, but not for a loooong time.
Not certain even I’m in my so-called “nest” Guess it’s pretty empty.
Kids (2) are gone. Each is about 3-5 hrs away. Now we can run around the house kekkid if we wanna. Nest may refill with elderly parents who currently live right next door (84 & 92). Enjoying it while we can.
EMPTY !!! Whoooo Hoooo
Just a Good 'Ol Girl with a Beagirlmix
2 adult kids are gone, families of their own. They live nearby so that’s nice. It’s also nice they’re gone. We don’t have to work around anyone’s schedule but our own.