I don’t have a dog but I have watched my cats catch, disembowl, and eat a squirrel. The only thing left was the tail. They also catch birds, mice, moles, voles, and snakes. I’m sure there are others as well. If we can save the critter we do. Sometimes it’s just too late.
@kjady I guess that might be upsetting to watch. But. If they are actually eating it… They are tiny lions. And obligate carnivores. I wouldn’t say it’s a gross thing for them to eat. Dogs just straight eat shit. Which… I would argue is grosser
@kjady@unksol A neighbor’s cat somehow brought down a young hawk, broke it’s neck and left it on the porch. Said cat had a large wound on it’s shoulder as the hawk had been fighting back. That was really sad.
My cats play with until they die roaches but won’t eat them (well each tried once, threw them up and learned their lesson), eat the heads off of crickets and grasshoppers, all but the back legs of lizards, and some frogs. And these are indoor only cats.
@Kidsandliz@kjady if it was a flight worthy hawk… They don’t really loiter in cat range. I would not be shocked if there were hawks who dived on cats and regretted the decision if they didn’t get an instant kill
They have been known to grab small dogs rarely. Cats can fight back
@kjady That is why I am waiting for our “catio” to be delivered on Monday. Rescued a cat in below temps last November. She looks lustily out at all my beautiful birds and pesky but loved squirrels as well as bun bun, our bunny who lives in the wood pile that comes for sunflower seed when called. Nina is NOT going to get to eat them this spring. Instead she will have fresh air and only get to watch them from her cage. A large cage at that
@Dakini@kjady that does look pretty good. I used to have a beer out on the deck… thing… with them…but I’m sure they canjust jump from the wall to the walk way. KitKat did. So I have to be ready to intercept
In general when it’s warm enough the windows are open but it’s nice to be out with them
A live bird. Dog came inside from the backyard with a live bird completely concealed in her mouth. Dog went straight to her crate. Wonderful. But she kept giving me shifty eyes. Questionable. I didn’t realize the dog had the bird until she let it out of her mouth so that she could take care of it in whatever her preferred way was, and I heard the bird start to thrash against the crate in its effort to get the hell out of the situation
Successfully ate a tube sock. Gross because it needed some assistance getting it back out the other end and there was some significant, uh, pressure built up by the time the sock made it through.
@unksol@xobzoo just the other day I remembered one friend getting another with this years ago. The target was my friend’s girlfriend, who spoke with a stereotypical valley girl affectation, many years after that was a thing. This other girl just kept dropping updog in conversation with her for several minutes, until the girlfriend could not stand it any more and broke in an incredibly satisfying manner:
“Like, ohmagod, what the fuck is updog???”
“Nothin much, just chillin’, how bout you?”
It was so perfect I still laugh out loud thinking about it.
@unksol it is the best way for it to make it to the next generation. If you do not updog your kids, who will? That’s not the kind of thing you want to rely on them to pick up on the street.
Timing is critical, though… You got to get em just right… Old enough to be sarcastic and either young enough or later old enough to not automatically shut down anything you say. Too young, it won’t be used properly. But for many there’s a window in the teens that it might not take.
@djslack@unksol I was also trying to slide a “Who’s on first?” routine in there, but it didn’t fit nearly as neatly.
I’m glad that at least the updog was recognized.
An Opossum. Dragged guts out and played with them. It was 3 AM. Smelled really really bad. A week later she did it again.
We no longer have an opossum problem.
@milstarr Too bad. Opossums are beneficial critters (nature’s little garbage men, as it were). I’d welcome opossums to my back yard, but it wouldn’t be good for their health.
My dog doesn’t like cats, but she completely detests possums – has killed at least 4 of them that I’m aware of, plus a couple other possibles).
But possums are good for the environment; cats, I’m not so sure about. And a possum is just as likely to kill a rat as a lazy (and overfed) cat is. And possums will go a long way to taking care of a tick problem, something cats probably wouldn’t have a clue about.
@phendrick They also don’t carry rabies. Normally not bad to have around. But my dog goes crazy “protecting” her yard. She thinks it’s a duty to eat anything smaller than her that she can catch. And she’s caught and maimed or outright killed way too many things. She’s 12 now and she still catches snakes and squirrels. At this point it’s probably easier to list what she hasn’t killed in the yard. The bear and three cubs went unscathed, thankfully. That’s about it for trespassers though.
She’s just a Cairn Terrier, 13 pounds soaking wet. A warrior at heart.
@milstarr Sounds like I need a couple like your Terrier, except maybe a few times bigger, for my personal protection detail!
My dog, though a terror to most other animal types, thinks any stranger coming up to the house is coming specifically to pet her, and just starts wagging her tail. Even my mail carrier loves her.
@2many2no And not just in my yard. I walk her mainly at night, giving her a chance to grab whatever road kill (or even harder for me to spot and preempt, anything up on the yard a few feet from the walkway) that we pass.
But her favorites seem to be pizza crusts and old french fries. (We have a lot of college students living nearby, and I assume these things are flotsam and jetsam from passing cars.) She mostly ignores beer cans, including the not empty ones.
I worry that she might get to something bad for her before I can intercede, but so far she has stayed healthy (and happy) from our walks, which she prizes enough to wake me, if I don’t provide before I crash for the night.
@tinamarie1974 id assume it just passed before you noticed if he even ate it. It should but I guess what’s the toy plan now. He needs something to play with. You took them all away
A frog that was on the path he was walking on ( it was a decent size one) then he came inside and threw up everywhere. Two weeks later, he did it again.
I live in the country and can walk Captain off leash. So, every spring he find all sorts of things that have been lying dead under the snowbanks for a long time. Currently there is a deer carcass for him to grab a snack on every walk.
@rancho that seems pretty normal. Dog eat meat. I’d go around cause. Parasites etc. That is one of the things that make indoor cats easier… No disease/parasites to pick up/spread
OK, here’s my entry for “Most disgusting dog snack story”
Way back in my college days, I had a part time job at an auto body shop. The owner also had a tow truck service.
One day, the driver brought in a wrecked pickup that had just been in a nasty fatal head-on crash. Boss told me to start taking off salvageable parts, so I grabbed some tools and started removing the rear bumper. While I was working on it, I heard a strange slurping noise and when I peeked around the side, there was the shop dog happily licking brain matter (from the deceased driver) from the side of the truck. Urp…
Oh geez, reading about the brain matter made me remember another of Ruby’s fun times. She is an escape artist. She got out the front door. I put on my shoes and go chasing after her. She runs straight across the cul-de-sac to my neighbors house. They had just brought home a gator. They were skinning it and there was gator blood everywhere! Ruby was lapping it up as fast as she could. Yuck.
They’ve moved now but when she escapes that’s the first place she goes still!
@chienfou@omally I mean the why was who cooked it, and who gave it to the dog. I’m assuming it was @omally. In which case his statement seems… A little unfair to the dog.
Nothing once I put him in boiling water right before putting him on a bun.
@yakkoTDI So your dog is named Oscar?
@werehatrack I just call him “OM NOM NOM NOM!!”
/giphy OM NOM NOM NOM
I don’t have a dog but I have watched my cats catch, disembowl, and eat a squirrel. The only thing left was the tail. They also catch birds, mice, moles, voles, and snakes. I’m sure there are others as well. If we can save the critter we do. Sometimes it’s just too late.
@kjady I guess that might be upsetting to watch. But. If they are actually eating it… They are tiny lions. And obligate carnivores. I wouldn’t say it’s a gross thing for them to eat. Dogs just straight eat shit. Which… I would argue is grosser
@unksol I can agree with that. I will say the sight wasn’t to jarring. Finding the tail the next day was.
@kjady it’s… Arguably worse if they don’t eat it
https://theoatmeal.com/comics/cats_actually_kill
/image oatmeal cats kill
@kjady @unksol A neighbor’s cat somehow brought down a young hawk, broke it’s neck and left it on the porch. Said cat had a large wound on it’s shoulder as the hawk had been fighting back. That was really sad.
My cats play with until they die roaches but won’t eat them (well each tried once, threw them up and learned their lesson), eat the heads off of crickets and grasshoppers, all but the back legs of lizards, and some frogs. And these are indoor only cats.
@Kidsandliz @kjady if it was a flight worthy hawk… They don’t really loiter in cat range. I would not be shocked if there were hawks who dived on cats and regretted the decision if they didn’t get an instant kill
They have been known to grab small dogs rarely. Cats can fight back
@kjady That is why I am waiting for our “catio” to be delivered on Monday. Rescued a cat in below temps last November. She looks lustily out at all my beautiful birds and pesky but loved squirrels as well as bun bun, our bunny who lives in the wood pile that comes for sunflower seed when called. Nina is NOT going to get to eat them this spring. Instead she will have fresh air and only get to watch them from her cage. A large cage at that
@Dakini @kjady that does look pretty good. I used to have a beer out on the deck… thing… with them…but I’m sure they canjust jump from the wall to the walk way. KitKat did. So I have to be ready to intercept
In general when it’s warm enough the windows are open but it’s nice to be out with them
Dog shit, cat shit, rabbit shit, squirrel shit… all of the shit
A live bird. Dog came inside from the backyard with a live bird completely concealed in her mouth. Dog went straight to her crate. Wonderful. But she kept giving me shifty eyes. Questionable. I didn’t realize the dog had the bird until she let it out of her mouth so that she could take care of it in whatever her preferred way was, and I heard the bird start to thrash against the crate in its effort to get the hell out of the situation
@togle I notice that the dog knew enough to lock the bird in the cage so it couldn’t escape. Quite impressive.
Successfully ate a tube sock. Gross because it needed some assistance getting it back out the other end and there was some significant, uh, pressure built up by the time the sock made it through.
What dog?
@werehatrack No, What is cat, Up is dog.
@werehatrack @xobzoo
What’s up dog?
Yeah 1990s joke
@unksol @xobzoo just the other day I remembered one friend getting another with this years ago. The target was my friend’s girlfriend, who spoke with a stereotypical valley girl affectation, many years after that was a thing. This other girl just kept dropping updog in conversation with her for several minutes, until the girlfriend could not stand it any more and broke in an incredibly satisfying manner:
“Like, ohmagod, what the fuck is updog???”
“Nothin much, just chillin’, how bout you?”
It was so perfect I still laugh out loud thinking about it.
@djslack @xobzoo I wonder how it feels to make dumb jokes from your teens to your kids… This makes them dad jokes?
I would enjoy this. I mean puns are also sufficiently horrifying. But I wonder how many kids have been updogged
@unksol it is the best way for it to make it to the next generation. If you do not updog your kids, who will? That’s not the kind of thing you want to rely on them to pick up on the street.
Timing is critical, though… You got to get em just right… Old enough to be sarcastic and either young enough or later old enough to not automatically shut down anything you say. Too young, it won’t be used properly. But for many there’s a window in the teens that it might not take.
@djslack @unksol I was also trying to slide a “Who’s on first?” routine in there, but it didn’t fit nearly as neatly.
I’m glad that at least the updog was recognized.
@djslack @xobzoo I think you have to start with who for that one to register lol. My bad
An Opossum. Dragged guts out and played with them. It was 3 AM. Smelled really really bad. A week later she did it again.
We no longer have an opossum problem.
@milstarr Too bad. Opossums are beneficial critters (nature’s little garbage men, as it were). I’d welcome opossums to my back yard, but it wouldn’t be good for their health.
My dog doesn’t like cats, but she completely detests possums – has killed at least 4 of them that I’m aware of, plus a couple other possibles).
But possums are good for the environment; cats, I’m not so sure about. And a possum is just as likely to kill a rat as a lazy (and overfed) cat is. And possums will go a long way to taking care of a tick problem, something cats probably wouldn’t have a clue about.
@phendrick They also don’t carry rabies. Normally not bad to have around. But my dog goes crazy “protecting” her yard. She thinks it’s a duty to eat anything smaller than her that she can catch. And she’s caught and maimed or outright killed way too many things. She’s 12 now and she still catches snakes and squirrels. At this point it’s probably easier to list what she hasn’t killed in the yard. The bear and three cubs went unscathed, thankfully. That’s about it for trespassers though.
She’s just a Cairn Terrier, 13 pounds soaking wet. A warrior at heart.
@milstarr @phendrick opossums are North America’s only native Marsupials!
@milstarr Sounds like I need a couple like your Terrier, except maybe a few times bigger, for my personal protection detail!
My dog, though a terror to most other animal types, thinks any stranger coming up to the house is coming specifically to pet her, and just starts wagging her tail. Even my mail carrier loves her.
@00 @milstarr They also have distinctive reproductive organs!
There are probably some possum sex tapes somewhere on the internet.
@00 @milstarr @phendrick Excuse me, I need to go check something.
@00 @lisagd @milstarr @phendrick Don’t get too hot doing so… (snicker).
Mummified rat.
His vomit
@hchavers Same. Immediately after or days after if we miss it in the yard.
@hchavers Raven did that too. It saved me having to clean it up.
We needed a choice for not having a dog. One of our late parakeets used to chip away at the wooden door frames.
Whatever she finds in the yard.
WHAT. EVER…
@2many2no And not just in my yard. I walk her mainly at night, giving her a chance to grab whatever road kill (or even harder for me to spot and preempt, anything up on the yard a few feet from the walkway) that we pass.
But her favorites seem to be pizza crusts and old french fries. (We have a lot of college students living nearby, and I assume these things are flotsam and jetsam from passing cars.) She mostly ignores beer cans, including the not empty ones.
I worry that she might get to something bad for her before I can intercede, but so far she has stayed healthy (and happy) from our walks, which she prizes enough to wake me, if I don’t provide before I crash for the night.
Papa Johns pizza
@Superllama7
Coprophagia
@rustyh3 Such a fancy term, considering.
@phendrick @rustyh3
… et mori!
@chienfou @rustyh3 Needs tweaking:
Stercore comedunt et moriuntur!
@phendrick
/giphy hats off
Hum, depends on the dog. Use to have a dog who LOVED cigarette butts and beer.
@charliedoggo seems to love paper napkins and apparently the fabric from fluffy toys.
@tinamarie1974 I assume he’s still fine? At least it wasn’t an actual sock like above
@unksol he is, thank you!! I think we are through the woods but Ive no idea what happened to the fabric
@tinamarie1974 id assume it just passed before you noticed if he even ate it. It should but I guess what’s the toy plan now. He needs something to play with. You took them all away
@unksol so toy wise he is back to bones and solid chew toys. Nothing soft and fluffy.
A frog that was on the path he was walking on ( it was a decent size one) then he came inside and threw up everywhere. Two weeks later, he did it again.
@deermee64 They never learn, do they?
@lisagd Lol….nope, they’re just like kids
@deermee64 @lisagd Mine did.
@brainmist @deermee64 What did it take?
@deermee64 @lisagd The little one watched to big one immediately spit it out and drool for 4 hours.
I live in the country and can walk Captain off leash. So, every spring he find all sorts of things that have been lying dead under the snowbanks for a long time. Currently there is a deer carcass for him to grab a snack on every walk.
@rancho I bet he looks forward to those walks. (See my reply to 2many2no above.)
@rancho that seems pretty normal. Dog eat meat. I’d go around cause. Parasites etc. That is one of the things that make indoor cats easier… No disease/parasites to pick up/spread
No “All Of The Above” ?
OK, here’s my entry for “Most disgusting dog snack story”
Way back in my college days, I had a part time job at an auto body shop. The owner also had a tow truck service.
One day, the driver brought in a wrecked pickup that had just been in a nasty fatal head-on crash. Boss told me to start taking off salvageable parts, so I grabbed some tools and started removing the rear bumper. While I was working on it, I heard a strange slurping noise and when I peeked around the side, there was the shop dog happily licking brain matter (from the deceased driver) from the side of the truck. Urp…
@macromeh I expect your “entry” will be the winner.
@macromeh queues up “Circle of Life”
Goose shit. They all think goose shit is the greatest tasting stuff!
Oh geez, reading about the brain matter made me remember another of Ruby’s fun times. She is an escape artist. She got out the front door. I put on my shoes and go chasing after her. She runs straight across the cul-de-sac to my neighbors house. They had just brought home a gator. They were skinning it and there was gator blood everywhere! Ruby was lapping it up as fast as she could. Yuck.
They’ve moved now but when she escapes that’s the first place she goes still!
I saw my roommates dog poop out a tied-off used condom a while back… still makes me smile…
@jonnycaliente
You sure she wasn’t a “mule”
There have been many, many gross things, but the funniest was the toad.
@brainmist
yep, never knew a dog could make THAT much slobber!
@chienfou Heh. The slime may not be toxic, but it’s not pleasant!
Toadscapades
my dog ate a well-done steak once. i nearly puked seeing him do it.
@omally but… Who cooked the steak. And why was it given to the dog. Hmmm…
@omally @unksol
I think the clue was “well done”…
@chienfou @omally I mean the why was who cooked it, and who gave it to the dog. I’m assuming it was @omally. In which case his statement seems… A little unfair to the dog.
You’ve all listed some excellent reasons not to have a dog!
@robson
Nah… But it certainly makes you wonder about those people that let their dogs lick them in the face!
@chienfou @robson “Let”.
Welp, today the horrible puppy sneaked bathroom trash and, when I took it away, immediately went back for seconds.
Found Food is not just a chance snack for some dogs…
https://web.mit.edu/munch/Public/humor/elk
@werehatrack Oh, this is classic! (I miss Usenet. I know it’s still around, but it’s just not the same as in the old days.)
@macromeh @werehatrack OMG that is really funny whether or not it is real. Great story.