Goatfessions, Confessions of an October Scapegoat
20You all nominated me with words like: helpful, awesome, liked, and more. I'm here to confess something terrible (and still funny, to me) that I did in my youth. How is this relevant? It involves a goat.
In my late teens to early 20's, I hung out with a group of CBers and off road enthusiasts. As a result, there were a few rodeo cowboys in this group. One of which used to pride himself on being HILARIOUS. Well, one night after hanging out at a friends, and probably drinking too much to make good choices, we decided to play a prank on him.
So, we hopped into a friend's Geo Metro - the worst possible getaway car in the history of get away cars, and went out to a local farm that had goats... at 3am. My friend ??? (owner of the Metro) hopped out and grabbed a small goat, and hauled ass and goat back to the car. On our way back to Mr. Hilarious' house, the goat got hungry and started to munch on ???'s jacket, much to his annoyance and my joy. We quietly put the goat in the back seat of Mr.H's Blazer. Then we went home.
The next morning, Mr. Hilarious got in his truck to go to work, only to look in the rear view mirror and see a goat smiling back at him. The goat even greeted him with a bleat. As if to say, "Who the hell are you, where the hell am I, and wtf?" Mr. H lost his shit. Not at the goat, they called around and gave him to a farm. But he was livid. Tried for months to come up with something to get me back. (I didn't out my cohorts.)
If this was just funny, it wouldn't be a goatfession. It was also pretty terrible. Looking back now, I regret taking that poor lil goat from his home. I feel badly for the people who cared for it, only to have it disappear. I can only hope they are the ones who got him back.
bleat
- 23 comments, 43 replies
- Comment
Now I regret not voting for you.
@hallmike I guess it's my fault you didn't vote for me. Sorry about that.
@Thumperchick Technically I voted during the last goat's reign (I've forgotten it's name already) but kudos for stepping into your role so easily. The goat is dead! Long live the goat!
TL;SR--Too long, still read.
Worth it.
I blame you for all of it @thumperchick
@studerc Sorry
@Thumperchick: so, your goat karma is finally catching up with you? This month should clear your conscience!
@KDemo @thumperchick - it ought to give her karma credit too
@Thumperchick
@MEHcus $1 ?
That's good, @Thumperchick, let it all out. This is a safe place.
I had something that needed to go out in the mail today. I missed the mail man! CURSE YOU @THUMPERCHICK!
@capguncowboy Sorry about that.
I blame @thumperchick for this:
@DaveInSoCal I wasn't there for that one, but I'm sure it's my fault.
Reminds me of this video of people stealing a cow.
@cengland0 That is udderly ridiculous. (Really, poor cow!)
@Thumperchick Good pun there.
@cengland0 Ewe ain't seen nothin' yet.
@Thumperchick I appreciate your honesty. Thanks for sharing. IMO you are now okay with the goat gods but it's still your fault my Check Engine light showed up this morning on my drive into the office. And no you can not have access to my vehicle to help me determine the cause.
@jimmyd103 Did you put gas in your car in the last day? If so, tighten your gas cap and give it a day or 2. :D
@Thumperchick Thanks for the tip
@Thumperchick Why does this work? My check engine light has been on and off for the past week or two and I think one of the times was right after I got gas.
@JonT Oxygen sensor in the fuel tank throws an error... I think. I just know it's my standard first thing to check when I get a solid check engine light shortly after fueling up. It was also the most common reason for a check engine light at the dealerships I worked at.
@JonT Take it to Autozone or Advance Auto Parts. They'll scan the code for free and let you know what the problem might be.
@jimmyd103 If it's something that happens with any regularity, you can buy an Autel MaxiScan MS300 for $18. We had a car whose check engine light came on all the time for something that wasn't really an issue. That code reader paid for itself many times over.
@Thumperchick not to be a martinet about it, but the O2 sensor is in the exhaust system. There is a separate fuel tank pressure sensor that is part of the emissions control system on modern cars, it senses if the fuel cap isn't on tight & permits fuel vapor to escape the tank. FWIW, most CEL instances are emissions related.
@SSteve Can't begin to tell you how many times I've recommended these to friends. I have one that gets used constantly. If I charged what dealerships do for reading and resetting codes I'd be able to retire soon.
@pmulry Thank you! I could not remember, for the life of me, which sensor it was.
@Teripie Aww, this was completely my fault, though.
@Teripie I blame @Thumperchick that I was just reminded that Robin Williams is dead. Totally your fault, Thumper.
Poor goat. I hope it wasn't too hot that evening. Poor Mr. H...I'm sure there was all kinds of goat waste in his vehicle. Stinky.
@medz It wasn't hot out at all. He was in there for about 4 hours. The goat only pooped in one spot... the driver's seat!
@Thumperchick Well trained pranking goat. He probably volunteered for the job!
We always wondered what happened to poor little Mr Buttz. He was a good goat.
This needs to be recreated in Goat Simulator...
This goat decided to yell at me right as I took his picture.
It's @Thumperchick's fault.
@shells this is one of my favorite gifs of all time.
@Thumperchick Thanks Thumperchick...I've been lurking at comments so I wouldn't join and spend more money, but I joined so I could add this gif :-)
Having known some rodeo guys and self-described hilarious guys, I'm pretty sure Mr H. deserved it. I see your weasely ways @Thumperchick. You may have some of the sheep (ha, I humor me; which, btw, is not to say that I think I'm hilarious) fooled, but you can't kid (I swear, I'm not even trying) me.
@joelmw He did. When I say I regret it, I only mean the poor goat. Mr. H? He had it coming. :D
oh god, are you from west monroe?
@clonetek Nope.
Tl:Dr you fingered a goat.
@marklog NO. Not all of us solve problems by penetrating helpless mammals. :)
@Thumperchick we don't? :/
@Ignorant I guess some of you do?
TL:DR - Thumperchick put a Goat in a blazer
@Bingo It's the closest I could find when searching for 'Goat in a coat' that looked like a suit coat (blazer). Also, that's the first time I've ever actually searched for a goat in a coat.
@Bingo He looks dapper!
@Thumperchick all dressed up with no place to goat
@nadroj Well played!
@nadroj Oh no. Don't goat her on to more puns!
@Bingo I LLOLed. You guys are gonna blow my cover.
It truly would have made the story if he was driving a GTO (commonly nicknamed a Goat for those not in the know.)
@Cinoclav The one and only GTO (in my mind, anyway):
I would LOVE to own one someday. If only I had the money...
Don't feel too guilty, Goat. It was pretty funny.
Anyone else have any goatfessions? Pull off any other pranks with livestock? Tip any cows?
I've always lived in the suburbs/city so unfortunately I haven't had much of a chance to get into farm animal shenanigans.
@JonT If you know someone who tipped cows...smack them and tell them to sober up. Cows don't tip, and unless ninja football players are involved, not going to happen.
@JonT When I was 14 I won a bottle of rum in a goat riding contest on a beach in Barbados. (No drinking age limit there.) Strangely enough, I actually had prior experience riding goats.
@JonT This happened in southern California. In a city with roughly 40,000 people in it.
@JonT We need to get @humper in here. At one point, he had a cow sharing his bedroom. Ask him about his family coming back from livestock auctions in a minivan. It's a riot.
I was the one you found a new home for the goat with and HE WAS DELICIOUS!!! Naw, just messin' with ya. Seriously, who eats a goat?
@PocketBrain Goat is a pretty common protein in India, and Latin and South America, only a bit behind sheep in popularity worldwide. Goat curry is good noms.
@PocketBrain goat is super delicious! http://heavytable.com/the-goat-why-you-should-eat-it-and-a-recipe/