Goat Off My Lawn! (February 2022 Scapegoat Blame Thread)
15There are already too many twos in the date and it’ll only get worse until we push through the 22nd, but here we are, February of '22, time to shift the blame. I’m sure you’ve all had a blast laying your problems on mediocrebot, but they can really only handle so much blame before they stop doing their real job of keeping you from getting an IRK with an unneeded CAPTCHA. I’m surprised no one blamed the bot for the frustrating lack of Meh-rathon in January. Sorry, you’ve missed your chance now.
So who’s to blame for all things in twos this year? Who should be at fault for the groundhog seeing its shadow tomorrow or the extension of mandates as we approach the two-year mark of the national divide? None other than @ironcheftoni! You all voted to cook the iron chef this month but I’m sure they can handle what you’re dishing them.
Who knows, maybe this is a recipe for disaster, but if that’s the case you can still blame @ironcheftoni. Bon Appétit!
- 24 comments, 121 replies
- Comment
Beep beep boop boop. (I assume if you failed CAPTCHA you now understand Robot.)
@mediocrebot Thank you for your service, but you’re free to retire from the blame game.
@ExtraMedium
That has to be the most polite way I’ve heard to tell a robot to go fuck themselves.
@ExtraMedium @mike808
Hey now, that’s @carl669’s job.
you’re an all-star
@ironcheftoni - congratulations to the man who cooks iron in a skillet!
@njfan actually woman but thank you!
/8ball is @ironcheftoni a woman?
Outlook not so good
@njfan so a woman cannot be goat?
@ironcheftoni @njfan The clue would be the “i”…
/giphy oooooh
@njfan @ybmuG
/giphy correct
@ironcheftoni @ybmuG I thought women could. Why can’t women be goats? I was asking the magic 8 ball if you were really a woman. I’m sorry it didn’t work out, lol.
@ironcheftoni @njfan …although the boy band Tony! Toni! Toné! might have confused the matter
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
@njfan @ybmuG
/giphy no worries
@ironcheftoni @njfan @ybmuG
and FWIW there have been several she-goats!
Aw, thank you! Ya’ll do really like me! I will do my best to upkeep the honor of the office proud.
/giphy you like me
@ironcheftoni realize the bar is low
Looking forward to your month as goat!
Blame for no Mehrathons last month.
@mike808 Since all that
happeneddidn’t happen last month, the blame should go to last month’s goat.@narfcake
@mike808 @narfcake fine. then blame for no mehrathon today.
@mbersiam @mike808 @narfcake I’ll take blame for today!
Leaping lizards… It’s raining iguanas in Florida…
https://www.palmbeachpost.com/story/news/2022/01/31/frozen-iguanas-florida-weather-photos-twitter-instagram-facebook/9282167002/
Blame: there’s a giant snowstorm heading to the midwest.
Unblame: it’s going to miss me
I’m JUST outside of the band of snow. We may get like a nice dusting of 1-3 inches. Which, we do need. Also, it’s hovering right above freezing today, so it’s a really nice day.
@mbersiam yeah but North Texas is suppose to be getting a big ice storm starting wednesday night and all day thursday.
@ironcheftoni @mbersiam They’re saying 6-8 inches here. (STL)
@ironcheftoni @mbersiam @mike808 just saw 7-11" on ch 4. Would be funny if it completely misses us!!
@ironcheftoni @mbersiam @mike808 @tinamarie1974
The weatherman has promised us that here in Houston, we are going to have a freeway ice dancing contest tomorrow. Dancing with the Cars.
@mbersiam @mike808 @tinamarie1974 @werehatrack ugh! And Houston people really forget how to drive even more so the dfw drivers. It was already announced that light rail service is canceled for tomorrow
@ironcheftoni @mbersiam @mike808 @werehatrack please be safe if you do venture out!!!
@ironcheftoni @mbersiam @mike808 @tinamarie1974 @werehatrack Well you need to keep that mess in TX as the last time Houston danced with the ice man you folks eventually booted him out and and he ran to our state. Then we had our version of the ice games along with no water for 32 days.
@Kidsandliz @mbersiam @mike808 @tinamarie1974 @werehatrack I thought Ted Cruz went to Cancun
/giphy cancun Ted Cruz
@ironcheftoni @mbersiam @mike808 @tinamarie1974 @werehatrack Hmm didn’t think about him when I made my post
@ironcheftoni @Kidsandliz @mbersiam @mike808 @werehatrack finally some good snow!+
@ironcheftoni @mbersiam @mike808 @tinamarie1974 @werehatrack So what does your puppy think of this stuff?
@ironcheftoni @Kidsandliz @mbersiam @mike808 @werehatrack well, early today he was estatic. Ran around like a crazy boy! After a full day of snowing he is now displeased. Too much snow I think. Lol
@ironcheftoni @mbersiam @mike808 @tinamarie1974 @werehatrack As a kid I had a cat whose name ((coincidentally) was Snowflake. She adored the snow. I’d throw soft snowballs barely over her head and she’d leap into the air to bat them and then often fall backwards into the snow. Over and over. She’d go zooming around under the snow looking like a mole and then pop her head up. I’d then toss the snowball and she’d explode out of the snow to try to bat at it. Little did I know naming her as a summer baby kitten that name would it would fit so well.
@ironcheftoni @mbersiam @mike808 @tinamarie1974 @werehatrack Might be his foot pads get too cold being in it. Might try booties. Of course he then may do what I call the “wet cat dance” lifting and shaking one foot at a time trying to get them off.
@ironcheftoni @Kidsandliz @mbersiam @mike808 @werehatrack I think that is part of the problem, so I shoveled part if the grass, but he likes to wander. Not shoveling or snow blowing the while 1/2 acre
@ironcheftoni @Kidsandliz @mbersiam @mike808 @tinamarie1974 @werehatrack
yekoP LOVES the snow. He’s a Scotty, after all. I shovel some paths in the back yard, just so he has something to explore and where does he decide to do his business? 30 feet out further on snow deeper than he is tall…
Guess I’ll have some treasures in the Spring!
@ironcheftoni @Kidsandliz @mbersiam @mike808 @werehatrack @ybmuG yekoP is super cute!! I love his sense of adventure
Walter has been crying all day.
@Felton10 is he crying for the iguanas?
@ironcheftoni why-because they are falling out of trees in Florida when it gets too cold?
@Felton10 @ironcheftoni
Persistently the noMehnee, never the Goat. Walter is set to become the Susan Lucci of the Meh forums.
Neither blame (yet) or unblame (yet), but I do feel bad after having just ordered some parts from them on Monday for a new build at work.
@narfcake
I’ve had this happen elsewhere, leading me to never return something in the outer shipping carton in which I received it until I’d inspected the contents and checked for any damage there. When it comes down to a pissing match between me, the credit card issuer, and the supplier, I want to have documented that the item either was perfect when packed, or I want to have filed for the RMA due to concealed damage. If the damage is apparent on the outside of the package, then I contact the carrier first, but that’s actually rare. I haven’t lost one of these matches since I started taking pictures of what I shipped.
Oh, and never allow a large flat-panel monitor or TV to be shipped via FedEx Ground. Their Fling-N-Flee package-on-porch placement technology produces intensely suboptimal results.
@narfcake @werehatrack “Intensely suboptimal results”… What a marketing-major way to say “crap”
@GrandmaLyn @narfcake
Upper-management-ese, actually. Marketing would call it “exciting” and say that they can’t wait to hear how delighted you were!
Instagram thinks I need a banana lamp. A $215 banana lamp.
@sammydog01
For Valentines Day! Maybe it doubles as a sex toy?
@Kyeh @sammydog01
I’m thinking that just might be a BAD idea! Though the strategically placed peel might be of some service if you decide to go for it…
@Kyeh @sammydog01
To be useful for the alternate duty, it would probably need to vibrate. Just sayin’.
@sammydog01 @werehatrack @chienfou
For $215 it ought to have all the features one would need for whatever its intended use might be.
Unblame. My neighbor, who I don’t really talk to cause. Well I’m just kinda. Not a social person/don’t catch them out in the yard. Has been taking runs down my drive the last two times it snowed with his atv with a blade when doing their drive.
I need to catch him outside some day and offer him a case of beer or something. But last time I must have been at work and didn’t hear him. And the first time… Well. I’d just put on a pair of… Let’s say compromised… Sweat pants cause I was heading into the garage to crawl under a car to replace a blown brake line. And. No one wants to see that.
@unksol sounds like a nice guy!
@tinamarie1974
it was a nice thing to do. Social obligations also make me… Eh… Now I have to catch them and thank them.
Introvert problems. I’m more than competent if there is a task involved or you need my help or I can fix something.
Random small talk. Not my jam.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
@unksol random acts of kindness are always cool
@unksol I get it, also shy. Maybe leave the case on their porch with a nice note?
@tinamarie1974 @unksol That is what I came here to suggest.
@Kidsandliz @tinamarie1974 lol I’m not that bad. If he does it again and I catch him at it. I’m fully capable of doing the"thanks man, what do you drink can I buy you a 12 pack."
Or see him while mowing the lawn.
What I cannot do is go knock on his front door and say thanks. That’s. Not how guys function. Ffs the man has kids in there
And shit to do
Or go out to say thanks in my crotchless sweat pants
@Kidsandliz @tinamarie1974 I literally need a woman/wife to go bake something and tell his wife the was nice if you want any knocking on doors
Beer case on the porch … How do I know what he likes :p
@Kidsandliz @unksol well, whatever you do, don’t rummage through his trash looking for cans
So what I have done in the past is a little thank you card w/a gift card for dinner out or to the local liquor store. If you don’t want to knock on the door drop it in the mailbox AFTER the mailman does their drop.
And maybe the crochless pants will help you find that wife? KIDDING
@Kidsandliz @tinamarie1974 I think you’re just trying to pick up the guy who plowed your drive
Things a woman can do. I really can’t describe how much more awkward that would make things. Lol. Maybe it’s in my head but. Well lol. Thanks for trying.
@Kidsandliz @unksol no, all the people in my hood are married. Actually the last time I did it, it was for my 84 y/o neighbor. DEFINITELY not trying to pick him up.
Might be easier for women, no idea. Never lived as a man so I was never issued the guys handbook
@Kidsandliz @tinamarie1974 lol idk if I was issued a manual either. If I was I sure read it wrong, definitely could have been an old copy and it’s probably out of date. But. Still
@tinamarie1974 @unksol
That would be a skirt then?
@Kidsandliz @tinamarie1974 no cause a skirt actually covers things. At least when standing
Vs old worn out clothes you use to work on shit. They happened to be there and they were shot so I was like. Sure. I’ll wear these to get dirty.
I’m sure answering the door in a skirt vs dirty sweats with a view. Provokes distinctly different reactions.
Goat, you’re doing a fine job, and I have a ton of blame for you. Last Monday a distracted 18 year old plowed his mom’s Honda into the back of my SUV at 35 mph. The SUV won, but is getting a new bumper etc. ER, police, the works. Then we got a foot of snow, and I had to pay for removal. Now I can’t lift or unpack boxes, or even vacuum. I have to hire someone to unpack my 50+ boxes of books, and clean, and and and… So far I’ve heard from eight sympathetic lawyers. The other driver did have insurance.
@OldCatLady so sorry! Hope you recover quickly
@OldCatLady oh no! Vibes for speedy healing.
@OldCatLady Bummer! I hope the insurance money will pay for some of the labor costs. Feel better soon!
@Kyeh @OldCatLady
Aww. Sorry to hear that.
Do you need to look
atfor a mechanic?@Kyeh @OldCatLady
@Kyeh @OldCatLady
@Kyeh @OldCatLady
@mike808 @OldCatLady
They should take care of things quite nicely.
@Kyeh @OldCatLady
Vroom! Vroom!
@mike808 @OldCatLady
He’ll help shelve your books:
@Kyeh @mike808 @OldCatLady there’s something wrong with those guys. Mechanics don’t look like that. I can’t quite figure out what but… Something with the pants…
@Kyeh @mike808 @unksol My mechanics do not look like that. I’d prefer them well-covered. But I can look!
@OldCatLady honestly if it was my (imaginary)kid and my car and I knew that you needed help hed be the one “volunteering” to help if you’d have the dumbass.
But lawyers are involved already so the insurance companies will say don’t talk etc etc. And not everyone is as good at being an imaginary parent. I know what my dad would have made me do.
@unksol
No,I think it’s the fact not one of them has their name on their shirt… er… never mind…
@chienfou I merely meant if I had been working on your car my pants would have more holes/I would not be crawling under anything with pants looking that good. But that is also as a shade tree mechanic/I’m not being paid/I don’t need to look professional.
The upper half of this. Nope.
@unksol
I hear you. My go-to work pants have more tears than fabric. Maybe I should start a new pair and sell these to some female that pays top dollar for that look!?
@chienfou @unksol Evidently it’s considered a cool look for some guys, too. $597!?!?
@chienfou @unksol These are the ones that really kill me, though:
Pretty sure the library guy is Tom Ellis from the tv show Lucifer….
@Starbuff def Tom Ellis. Such a nice suprise early in my day
@Starbuff @tinamarie1974 Right!
@Kyeh @Starbuff @tinamarie1974 I could have sworn it was Ari Melber.
@OldCatLady @Starbuff @tinamarie1974
I looked him up and I can see the resemblance!
Unblame: Casemates has a terrific and hilarious music video today.
@Kyeh They killed it. Like a Bantha.
@Kyeh @mike808 This has been posted before a couple of years back, along with some women who do something similar along with sometimes playing violin on the instrument the other person is holding. All of those videos were hilarious. People were very clever to even think up these kinds of things.
@Kidsandliz @mike808
Yeah, I’ve seen those.
@Kidsandliz @Kyeh @mike808
seems like maybe a French group if I recall correctly.
@Kidsandliz @Kyeh @mike808
a bit late for this year, but still love this rendition of the 12 days of Christmas:
Just for the record, even as your Goat but as a non sports fan, I am not taking any blame for the outcome of the game today. Bet as your own risk.
@ironcheftoni
yep… good advice. Bet ‘Mattress Mack’ wishes he had decided to hold onto that $5 mil he put on the Bengals.
@chienfou That guy was an idiot when I lived in Houston in 1985 and he’s still an idiot. But he sells a shit ton of cheap over-priced furniture.
@ironcheftoni
Well, he’s a 5 million dollar poorer idiot now!
@ironcheftoni, You’re really racking up the unblames from me! A week ago you said:
So I placed an order for several cool bags, future presents, and I also got all this!!!
I need an apron, so that will get used right away. I’ll also keep the great oven mitt, with the girl on it who sorta kinda looks like me - well, a few years ago, maybe?
And the rest of it will be great for presents, or even a Mehtizen exchange sometime.
So thanks!
@Kyeh awesome! I got the inner demons socks in my free stuff too.
VAN GOGH! MANGO! TANGO! AWESOME!
Blame - This morning it is 29 degrees. Unblame - This afternoon it will be 67 degrees. Blame. You have your geography messed up to be doing this to people. Get it straight goat. The 67 is what we are supposed to be having here. What is with this winter jacket in the morning and need to bring a spring jacket with me for a couple of hours later? I mean seriously. Send the 29 to MN as I am sure they will feel that is absolutely tropical compared to their usual temps.
… Oh. I forgot. Unblame. I still own a jacket that works just fine in 29 degrees and at zero degrees and in sub zero degrees along with hats and mittens that work in this too. Most of the population around here tries it in sweatshirts. Or maybe if they are lucky two at once.
This is kind of pretty:
@Kyeh
/giphy applause
@tinamarie1974 Thanks! I just need a Mehrathon to rack up another 100 so all the last 3 numbers match.
@Kyeh Nice. I blew my streak at 384 just recently. I haz a sad when that happened.
@mike808
@Kyeh Yours is prettier than mine. At least all my 8’s match.
@Kidsandliz Hah! I have the advantage (?) of never going anywhere; that makes it easier to stay on top of those clicks.
blame myself… late last year I applied for a cash out refinance to fix the foundation. Mortgage company said loan could not be approved once foundation was fixed. WTF? Foundation done late January. Appraiser inspected and then said loan cannot be approved until floor is repaired or replaced where they tore it up. WTF again? Floors are getting installed today. Hopefully no more surprises with mortgage company. Unblame, in the meantime I am racking up the airline miles maxing out two credit cards paying for this crap (paid off once I get the loan proceeds) and at least I got locked in at a good interest rate before the rates went up.
@ironcheftoni that is sucky. I always feel bad “starring” this kind of stuff. But. Fingers crossed
Unblame. Shhh. @Pooltoywolf
Don’t tell anyone or everyone will want a rainbow pony at the gym. Sticks the landing.
Don’t you just love the Internet?
@mike808 I have many inflatable unicorns, but none quite that agile LOL.
Blame. This was going on in my apt today…
Then this trying to get it out
/image boneless velcro cat
@Kidsandliz Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to relax that completely? Mine thought he really needed to help me fold sheets.
@Kidsandliz @Kyeh I find that shake shake shake “TREAT!” From the other side of the house magically unsticks them.
What’s one more reinforcement.
@Kyeh @unksol I guess I’ll have to go buy some treats. I was going through clothes pulling out the worn out ones and one drawer turned into a cat bed for most of them. Should have taken a photo.
@Kidsandliz @unksol
Yes, you should have!
@Kidsandliz @Kyeh @unksol
Our current cats finally managed to train me to do something that parents and exes had despaired of; keeping the drawers from being impossible to close, and keeping them closed. Until February 2020, cats hadn’t been allowed in the bedroom because a prior cat had a bad habit of jumping from the high windowsill onto the bed at night, without regard to making sure there wasn’t someone sleeping at the landing point. New roomie, new cats, different habits. We’re up to 10 cats at the moment, but we’re trying to find new homes for two pairs of the youngsters. That’s slow going because we’re picky about where they go.
@Kyeh @unksol @werehatrack Hahaha. I have one who hangs out on the top of doors (aka goat cat or vulture cat) and leaps from there onto the bed. She has become a bit more careful after landing on my shins a few times. Guess it hurt her too.
@Kidsandliz @Kyeh @werehatrack do cats even have a spine? This can’t be right
@Kidsandliz @unksol @werehatrack
Awwww. Cats are liquid!
/giphy liquid cat
@Kyeh @unksol @werehatrack I know. Seriously. Not to mention draped like over your leg that I can’t imagine how it is possibly comfortable.
There are a couple other cat in glass container gifs out there that are just as liquid cat. Mine have never tried anything quite as tight except if it is a cardboard box.
One of our cats becomes The Cat Who Will Not Leave when she curls up on my lap. I literally have to pick her up and carry her with me if I need to go do something, but at least she’ll allow me to unload her at the cat tree.
@werehatrack are were including the “The”?
TCWWNL or CWWNL.
I just gingerly extract myself. You got feet cat. Use em. I only have 2.
An older one… Sure
@unksol @werehatrack I have one of those too. You pick her up and put her on the floor. She immediately jumps back… 8, 10 15 times in a row. Purrs her little heart out when she jumps back up, rubs her head against you and tried to head butt. Persistent little bugger. She is even willing to have my laptop on her back although it is hard to then type as it rocks.
Then, when she gives that up, she will mostly be on the arm of the chair and try to stretch across my upper chest as if that is different than being in my lap. I have learned if I make it in her own best interests to stay off my lap when I am trying to type on my laptop she stays away. There is one grooming tool she hates so I start to groom her with that and she makes a quick exit and stays away for at least 30 min, and even longer if she is in the middle of a cat nap pile up with the others and falls asleep.
@Kidsandliz @unksol
This one squirms around to face me, reaches out, and climbs toward my shoulder when I try to get her off my lap.
@Kidsandliz @werehatrack lol. KitKat used to just make a flying leap and ride around on my shoulders. Many a morning I got up and walked down the stairs balancing him and the coffee/breakfast. Kind of miss than actually.
I got a box of Knorr’s Pasta sides this morning via Amazon delivery. Amazon driver, Amazon packaging. As a “gift” from “Hakeem” on Amazon. Eight packages.
I don’t know Hakeem. These were never put on my Amazon wish list. I have not mentioned buying them to anyone, not even my husband.
But I did order them from Walmart.
It appears that Hakeem drop shipped my Walmart order from Amazon (the pasta was about $4.50 less on Amazon than I paid on Walmart…my bad).
I “thanked” Hakeem for the gift using the link on the amazon gift receipt and asked if this was my Walmart order.
And a couple of hours later after my message to Hakeem, I get a note from Walmart that my order is shipping early and will be here on Monday, the 28th via Fedex!
I’ve gotta blame someone for this, so goat? It’s you.
@lisaviolet Be careful. You may be a victim for aiding credit card fraud. Now “Hakeem” knows that whatever payment card (or laundered gift card) was used to pay for your order works.
Don’t click on links from “sellers” or reviews for stuff you didn’t buy.
That said, you might not have purchased from “Walmart”, but rather a “Walmart Marketplace seller”. Who then drop-shipped from Amazon or wherever they got a better price and pocketed the difference. The practice is called arbitrage.
Much like Amazon resellers or eBay merchants.
I’ve seen “Kirkland” brand products for sale on Amazon, which considering that is a Costco exclusive in-house brand, it means the seller is buying stock at Costco and selling it on Amazon.
@lisaviolet
I’ve had a number of eBay purchases show up on an Amazon truck in Amazon packaging, and so far, they’ve all been listed for the same price in both places. It looks like there are eBay sellers who are using Amazon as their fulfillment system, and picking up extra sales via the Amazon listing at the same time.
Blame. I am beyond grumpy and fed up with mgt of this apartment building.
@Kidsandliz
I’ve only rented in the distant past, but apartment management that earned no positive feels was far more common than the other kind.
@Kidsandliz @werehatrack
I’m annoyed at the neglectful management of my building too. Oh, wait - that’s me. Sigh.
@Kyeh @werehatrack Well do what mine does. So far white glove inspections Sept, Nov, Jan, March 1 (so next week), because of course we are 5 year old inmates. If you do that to yourself you won’t have a problem.
@Kidsandliz @werehatrack White glove inspections??? Good grief.
@Kyeh @werehatrack I know. I it ridiculous. They also think they have the right to tell us if we have “too much stuff” which includes knickknacks on shelves. I am on the waiting list elsewhere to get the fuck out. Location is extremely convenient (although crime ridden) but I can’t deal with the other bullshit.
Blame? Unblame? A bit of both? It is 2:54am and I am finally caught up on my grading except for presentations. Term ends Sunday. I FUCKING HATE GRADING!!
@Kidsandliz I cannot relate but my sister who is a teacher can. She hates grading too.
@ironcheftoni Besides those who can’t write their way out of a paper bag nor use standard English (and don’t even get me started on the “if you copy/paste you need quote marks, a citation, year of publication and page number or it is considered plagiarism” gang who don’t seem to understand that…) there are the students where the directions spell out do X, Y an Z and they do hat, elephant, ocean and then bitch they got a bad grade. I even give them the detailed grading spreadsheet in advance so they can see each and every little thing that will get them points/they have to do. Sigh.
I just had one tell me Monday that she didn’t like any of the choices she had to choose between for her topic for her presentation so she decided to do something else. Nope. That got her a lot of zeros on the criteria.
/giphy pulls out hair in frustration
