Goat Day 4: Socks to be me
7Afternoon, kids. Happy hump day. And I'm not talking in an innuendo, sex toilet kind of way.
ODDS AND ENDS
I finally received my Mediocre Socks in the mail. They were everything I hoped they would be, in that they are perfectly thin and adequate. Striving to be mediocre is the way to go, to be honest.
Did you see the new Avengers trailer? it was released today. Here's a clip.
I am a huge superhero movie fan. However, there's a recent development that has made it less than fun. You may recall that Marvel and Sony announced that Spider-Man will be joining the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Hooray, right? Well, here's the thing. A few years ago, I made a bet with my best friend. I'll get into the terms in a second... She was CONVINCED that Spider-Man would become an Avenger in these films. I told her "That's impossible, the movie rights are owned by Sony!" I even got notable film reporter/critic Germain Lussier of Slashfilm on my side. He wanted action on that bet.
My friend kept on stating "You need to look at the marketing! Marvel WANTS Spider-Man in their world. It WILL happen..."
So a bet was made... If Spider-Man ends up or is even referenced in the next Avengers film (Age of Ultron), I need to pay $5,000. I figured my money was ridiculously safe.... And then I received this Tweet...
Yeah, that hurt. But hope WASN'T lost. You see, he needs to be referenced in Age of Ultron. There's no way they can shoehorn in a refernece now, right?
Do you remember the famous after credit shawarma scene?
That was shot TWO DAYS BEFORE THE MOVIE RELEASED....
Needless to say, with the amount of universe moving my friend seems to have done, I wholly expect a Spider-Man Stinger scene during the credits of the next Avengers film.
C'est la vie....
TODAY'S DEAL
Knives. Knives and I aren't friends. 10 years ago, I cut myself trying to cut a frozen pre-sliced bagel. Needed 6 stitches. Two months ago, I sliced my fingers trying to clear a sump pump line. Needed two super glue stitches. Yeah, I don't like knives...
THE FEED BAG
@dashcloud writes: "What do you think of Sprint's ads featuring you (or perhaps a relative of you)?"
They are a much better actor than me. I would've done this...
TODAY'S QUESTION
After sharing my stories of dumb injuries, what is the dumbest injury you've ever had?
Until tomorrow.... BLEAT!!!!
- 18 comments, 18 replies
- Comment
Urm… sex… toilet… kind of way?
Injury: When I was in elem. school, I fell getting dressed. Tripped over my clothes or something, I guess. Eyebrow, meet coffee table. That one took a lot o' stitches.
@brhfl
@BillLehecka Buddy of mine was telling me last night there was a toilety masterpiece in that show that I should investigate. Ahem… noted!
@BillLehecka So how can I find Saul without the cable? We do Netflix, Hulu, Prime and HBO, and have the AppleTV and Chromecast.
@joelmw I think your only 100% legit option is to buy the episodes or a season pass from iTunes (that's what I did). The episodes are also up on amctv.com but I think you need a cable login for all but the oldest episodes. You have 7 days to watch the first two episodes without a cable login here.
I'll bite with a "dumb injury" story:
When I was about 5, we were at my uncle's house for Thanksgiving dinner. While waiting for dinner to be ready, my older sister and I were playing by taking turns spinning the other in the office chair.
My aunt called us to the table, so my older sister went to wash up, and I wanted just one more spin in that chair. So my brilliant ass spun the chair, took a running start, and attempted to jump into the spinning chair. My brilliance was immediately awarded with being ricocheted off of the chair and onto the floor. Oh how I wish my tale of idiocy ended there.
On the floor was a large glass chandelier, waiting to be hung after the holiday. It was beautiful and delicate; shards of it were buried deeply into my shin. I'd managed to land in such a perfect squalling heap, that the glass cut into and almost severed my muscle from the bone.
My screams brought my mother running into the room - man she was fast! She had my leg wrapped in a blanket with pressure on it and brought me into the tiled dining room - to better see my injuries. She brought me straight to the dining table where my bloody leg ruined Thanksgiving. We spent the next several hours in the ER, where they picked a million little shards of glass out of my leg and gave me 37 stitches.
Oh, forgot to mention - my mom had accidentally left the camcorder on when she set it down - it caught the whole thing on tape. You could see feet and hear the whole thing. My uncle pulled out that tape and played it every Thanksgiving for the next 15 years.
I cracked a rib in January coughing. Apparently if you cough enough (in my case a month straight; I cracked my rib exactly one month to the day from when I first got sick) you can weaken a rib enough to crack it. My back had started hurting a few days before, but I just thought I was sleeping weird or something (the first day I woke up having somehow stuck both hands under my back and they were both asleep, so I wasn't surprised my back was hurting). Then one Tuesday I was sitting at my desk, coughed, felt something pop, and was suddenly in a lot of intense pain. I walked myself to a nearby drug store, got some Tylenol, and 2 hours later directed a flawless newscast. Then I went to an urgent care and x-rays revealed the bad news.
This also ended my lifetime streak of "no fractured bones".
Jumped off my granny's back porch. Landed on my wrist and it turned purple.
@Barney How did you feel about that purple?
@Thumperchick Well... It was a pretty purple.
@Barney Purple ouch?
@jqubed Yeah, purple ouch.
@billlehecka Thanks for answering my question! You're doing a fine job as goat so far.
thank you so much for pointing to that Avengers clip - that was fantastic & I'd never seen it.
Also - knives again? I mean... come on.
It may be even worse. The latest promo poster listed Danny Elfman as a late addition for music. Danny Elfman composed the music and musical cues for the Spiderman movies. Yeah.
I used to be a Home Depot cashier. Someone returned a rake, one of those heavy duty, steel head bow rakes. I leaned it against the register behind me. 5 minutes later, having forgotten it was there, I turned around and stepped on the metal head. The handle snapped forward and smashed me right between my eye and the bridge of my nose. Literally saw stars. After they stopped laughing, one of my coworkers took me to the hospital. 1 black eye and a fractured nose later, thankfully minor, I learned to put the rakes where they belong.
Another dumb injury story, this time it was my Mom who was the "victim". Mom was infamous for eating our chocolate Easter bunnies, so my brothers and I would stash them in the back of the refrigerator with the hopes of "out of sight, out of mind". Never worked, but we kept trying. One year Mom took one of our bunnies out of the fridge and had it in her lap, in it's cardboard box. Having been in the fridge, the chocolate was quite hard. Mom took a steak knife and stabbed into the bunny to break it up. The knife (hey, it's related to today's item!) went through the bunny, through the cardboard box bottom and into Mom's leg. Dad rushed her to the ER, where she was wheeled in with doctors yelling "We've got a stabbing victim here!" She was pissed because the ER doctors cut her best work dress slacks off her in their haste to get to the stab wound. I still give her grief about getting stabbed by the Easter bunny.
@bluedog That's a great story.
I once dropped a bench in such a manner that one leg hit my head and gave me a concussion. It was one of those light, decorative benches.
To cut a long story short short, rode mountain bike down the side of a mountain. Jumped off of a 40 ft boulder. Landed in the top of a pine tree. Branch broke underneath me. Was impaled by a tree branch along my tail bone. To get me in to the chopper, they had to saw part of it off. Had to ride in the chopper on my belly with a two ft branch in my ass. To expel all the splinters, the had to leave the wound open, and told me to use maxi pads to soak up puss and blood. My dad made me go into the store and buy them myself. Was caught at school with said maxi pads by security at school and was suspended for disturbing behavior. The end sorta
@Squid_07 That really sucks, but it does make for an excellent story now.
My dumbest Injury:
Fell into a Trash Can.
So, my height rivals those trash cans that most people have outside. I had one that was missing a wheel so it was awkward moving up and down the driveway on trash day.
One day I had to bring the emptied trash can up the driveway. I guess it was feeling a lil rebellious that day because it decided to swivel around and fall on its back. During the trash can's attempt at some acrobatics, it felt I should join it too. So as it falls onto its back, my hand still on the handle and as such I'm twisted into falling into the trash can.
Well, it didn't think that was enough. It decides to slide back down the driveway with my hand under its lid. Grinding my hand into the asphalt.
Once it finally stops, I get up and wash my decently bloodied hand. Later that day, at a local concert, an infection takes to my hand and causes my arm to swell twice its size and I pass out. I later come to with my arm bandaged and medicated in my friend's house. I was brought there instead of the hospital because his mom was a doctor and the closest ER was an hour away. (And none of us could afford a ride in an ambulance.)
Slipped on a bib while playing checkers. Stitches in my lip. :/
oh @BillLehecka I hope you didn't think you'd make an entry without me did you? No, no, I'll be here, I'll always be here.
Anyway, I found the bit about marvel interesting. And again, that would have made a great post by itself but you had to go do this daily goat thing. Blah. Still it was way better than all those other days where the rambling just wouldn't stop. I made it through about 70% of this one before I had to look away.
Also, I don't get hurt.
Fell down while ice skating.
Not the typical lost-balance slide to the ice, but a full-on cartoon-style feet-up-in-the-air fall down on my back, hard enough that my glasses flew off and skidded across the ice. Fortunately, I wasn't hurt bad, got up, finished skating, went home and went to bed.
Or so I thought.
Three days later, at a Papa Roach concert, amid all the smoke, I sneezed. That was all it took to start the muscle spasm in my bruised back. I doubled over in pain and everybody around me jumped back in a big circle, because they were all drunk too, and figured I was fixing to puke all over them.
Made it through the encore, then laid in the car for the trip to the ER, where they decided Demerol was the answer. Not only did it not work, but now I did get to spend the rest of the night alternating between puking and spasming.
All-in-all, a most memorable weekend.
@2many2no maybe you're just severely allergic to Papa Roach.
@JonT Not at all, but I did learn to avoid effing Demerol!
I don't know if it's the stupidest injury I've ever inflicted on myself, but it's pretty stupid and relates to knives and to yours. Part of how I put myself through college was doing custodial work on-campus, mostly second and third shift. One night after all of the work study were gone, I started cutting up used chemical containers so that we could store miscellaneous utensils in them. I swear to God, I know how to use a knife, but, well, I was slicing toward myself and cut into the side of my wrist. It was the weirdest cut--very little blood, but I could see everything in there: vessels and tendons and stuff. Made me a little faintheaded, I'm not ashamed to say. It just so happened that a security guard was walking past. He had a first aid kit on his little scooter that he brought in. We just patched it up with butterfly bandaids. I still have the scar, about a half of an inch long.
Okay here is my dumb injury story. Hurrying thru the kitchen with empty dog food bowls in the dark I kicked a large BBQ tool set in its black plastic box. Felt a snap in my right foot and hollered at my husband that I thought I had just broken my foot even though I had never previously broken a bone. Confirmed later that day by our MD who scheduled an appointment with an orthopedic surgeon for 2 days later. Next day I was trying to manuever on crutches in the tiled hallway, right crutch slipped and I fell to the floor twisting to land on my left side and not reinjure my right foot. Landed on my left foot and hollered at my husband that I think I broke that one now. He refused to take me to our MD since I already had an appt. with the ortho MD for the next day. Found a cheap old wheelchair that day at an estate sale which is how I arrived at the ortho MD's office. He was anticipating only one broken foot but x-rays confirmed I had broken the 5th metatarsal bone (leads to the little toe) in the exact same spot on both feet. Now have matching screws in each one.
@carwinew Impressive!
I'll jump in...
About 10 years back I was stuck at home one dog-day in August with my two (then) small children with nothing to do. Too bored inside, too hot outside. In a moment of clarity, I decided to set up the sprinkler outside for them to jump into, taking the heat off them, and me as well, but in an entirely different way.
While looking for the requisite parts, I found, much to my surprise, an unused, still-in-box, Slip-N-Slide. I was delighted and set it up immediately.
Everything was going swimmingly (ha, ha). Kids were slipping and sliding as promised by the marketing on the box. During our new-found recreation, my son says, "Dad. You should do this with us." Hmmm, I thought. I'd be dumb NOT to do this. "Sure", I replied... "Clear out, Daddy's coming in for a landing!"
What I did was take a 20-foot running head-start, and launched myself, Superman style, in the air. I hit the ground directly on my chest and instantly knocked the wind out of myself. I had so much velocity that I blew past the "catch" -- that small, inflated area at the end of the slide that's designed to mark the refreshing end of your journey -- and continued on down a hill, covering myself with dry grass and shame.
Eventually I got up, struggling for breath and vision since there was grass in my eyes (and everywhere else). I looked over at my kids. They were like frozen statues, mouths agape at what they had just witnessed. After a moment, they lifted their arms in the air and, in unison, yelled, "That was AWESOME! Do it AGAIN!" "Er, cough, Um, Daddy's gonna, wheeze, take a little, cough, break".
In the end, I broke two ribs and suffered high embarrassment at the ER. Apparently, "Sports related injury" and "contact sports" is not a detailed enough description for the medical staff. I became THE joke of the day for the on-call.
How awesomely dumb is that?
@ACraigL You'll "jump in" to the discussion, eh?
@jqubed Ha. Not sure anyone was going to notice that.
@ACraigL it could have been worse...
@JonT Agree. Nothing was worse than Ghost Shark. Or better.