G'days of Our Lives: I'm Moving to Australia
50Not a joke. Not a hoax. Not an imaginary story. I got offered a job in Melbourne and I’m taking it. Holy crap!
I’ve never even been there. But everything I hear says it’s a great place to live and raise kids, so we’re giving it a shot. It’s been in the works for a few months, and it looks like we’ll be leaving this month.
I’m dumbstruck at my ridiculous good fortune in getting to write for you guys every day. The world doesn’t owe anybody an audience, so it’s just amazing to me that I’ve found such an incredibly smart, interesting group of people to talk to. I know I haven’t always been much of a presence in the community - I’m much better at essays than conversation - but I’ve always felt honored to be included.
This won’t quite be goodbye. I hope to keep doing the Sunday playlists, at least. But after a combined 12-plus years of daily writing at Meh and Woot, it feels like time to do something a little different. (Stay tuned for more about that.)
My replacement is someone some of you will know, and if you know him, you know how great he is. If not, well, you’ve already been reading some of his stuff here on Meh as I phase out. I’ll leave it to him to introduce himself.
If anybody has any tips about Melbourne, please share! I’m moving about as far away as it’s possible to go without leaving the planet. I need all the help I can get.
Finally, if you’re one of the people I let down in that Eucopia mess, I’m sorry. Please email me at jason.toon@gmail.com so we can start to work something out.
Thanks again for your time, your eyeballs, the kind words, and the occasional harsh truth. I wasn’t sure if Meh could recreate something as special as the old community at Woot - but then I never thought Woot would succeed in the first place, either. Both times I’ve been proven wrong in the best possible way.
Stay amazing. I’ll be in touch.
- 48 comments, 44 replies
- Comment
Congrats and good luck! That said,
/giphy sad
@Bingo /giphy likewise
It’s been both an honor and a privilege to enjoy your work both here and on Woot. Your ability to be blunt (which is what @snapster encouraged of you) only made the listings more enjoyable.
You will be missed and all that. I dunno. I’m horrible with these things.
@PlacidPenguin aw jeez, thanks!
Good luck and godspeed, Jason!
(Now rewrite this in your normal tone!
)
Congrats! I can’t imagine all the planning it takes to move to another country.
/giphy the Simpsons Australia
@conandlibrarian
@conandlibrarian Pretty much every joke from that episode crosses my mind twice a day!
@JasonToon
@JasonToon
I’m envious. Sounds like quite an adventure.
We want you to start doing a “letter from Australia” post at least once a month.
And Australia has lots of Goats. No reason why you can’t be one, after you’ve settled in.
And we will miss you.
@f00l Thanks, you too! I was thinking the same thing about a regular letter from Australia…
@JasonToon
KInda possibly model it on Alistair Cooke’s Letters From America?
Just about whatever you encounter and want to explore and report on.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Letter_from_America
Normally these were on political, cultural, and mundane topics that were not necessarily newsworthy to the moment. There are a bunch on Youtube.
(yours can be text, unless you wish to record yourself and others)
Here is one reporting on John Lennon’s assassination.
Good luck JT. It’s on my bucket list to visit, so I’ll just wave when I arrive. You’ll probably see me. The one waving.
Congrats on the gig. Is it true you have to watch all three Crocodile Dundee movies before you’re allowed in? If so, they must not get many visitors.
@ACraigL lol, this reminds me of a guy I spoke with when I was living in Bulgaria - he got excited hearing I was from the States and he said he had a friend named Ivan (every other dude in Bulgaria was named Ivan…) that lived in New York City. He asked (seriously) if I knew him. I only live 2200 miles away from NYC, so maybe there’s a chance?
Whee! You have a great, adventurous, lucrative future right in front of you. They’ll love you. WE love you. Oh damn, we’re gonna miss you. Congratulations and champagne and all that. And you get to escape the Cheeto Regime. I’m sure you will be asked ‘WTF were your voters thinking?’, and if you find a good answer, please share.
@OldCatLady I’ve been told to brace myself for a lot of ribbing over You-Know-Who…
@JasonToon
Perhaps you can explain that hanging up on people is the new American craze that will sweep the universe.
Our ship visited Western Australia (the big state) while returning from WestPac in 1993. It was pretty cool! I just wish we had more time there, because I know there is a lot of awesome in Australia.
Best of luck, down under!
(just watch out for kangaroos - they’re sneaky buggers)
@mfladd Forget kangaroos; watch out for drop bears!
/image drop bears
@narfcake @mfladd @JasonToon
/youtube gummy bear
@mfladd I never turn my back on a marsupial.
@JasonToon That’s a lot easier done in Washington than Australia.
@SSteve
There seems to be a good opossum population in Washington DC at least
In his own words, Larry Summers seeking the American Dream at an economic summit
@matthew Now that song just makes me think of abused animals.
@matthew I was going to post this.
Wow, the end of an amazing era. Thank you for bringing your unique vision into our lives each day, will continue to look forward to Sundays.
Hoping your Australian adventure is all you wish, and more.
Bon Voyage
@JasonToon - I had to look up the cute animal gif you posted, and I learned that Wombats Poop Cubes!
If there’s anything else you still need to know about Australia, just ask.
@KDemo Whoa! And if the GIF @PlacidPenguin posted is to be believed, penguins cry cubes. The Southern Hemisphere really is Bizarro World.
Best introduction to Australia for (and by) an American writer: In a Sunburned Country, by Bill Bryson. Very easy reading, humor, wonder and a fair amount of flabbergasted.
@OldCatLady - Bill Bryson is great! I’ve only read A Walk in the Woods, but now have a library hold on your suggestion.
@OldCatLady Oh, yeah, that’s a great one. I’ve both read it and listened to the audiobook (read by Bryson himself, bonus)!
Great food scene in Melbourne. Lots of venomous animals in Australia. You take the good, you take the bad, you take 'em both and there you have the . . . facts of life . . . the facts of life . . . the facts of life. Good luck in this new chapter of your life. Wife and I have done a couple of ex-pat stints and they were great experiences.
@huja And sometimes people eat the venomous animals! Ciiircle of liii-iiife… oh, wait, wrong continent.
You are my friend and brother for life. I look forward to reading all your outback noir really soon. You’ve found your thunderdome at last. TEACH THOSE UPSIDE-DOWN BASTARDS HOW IT’S DONE
@slydon tell me you are the guy replacing @jasontoon
/giphy please???
@conandlibrarian @slydon is still employed at Woot, so I’m guessing not.
Maybe @skemmis or @llandar?
@conandlibrarian NOBODY CAN REPLACE JASON TOON but I know the person who does content over here now is gonna be real good at the job.
@narfcake Not it!
@slydon You’re referring to me when you say “upside down bastards”, aren’t you slyds? Jason - I am from that place. Slydon can put me in touch with you if you need tips or help with anything.
So, once you are completely settled in, are you willing to do your Mediocre duty and serve at Goat, assuming you are duly elected to the position?
As you can see, there is some precedent.
Meet Gary the Goat:
@f00l Former employees don’t seem to stick around here in the forums after they leave. (Looking at you @JonT) I assume it’s even less likely to happen if they can’t even order things. I’m thinking goatdom is unlikely.
@PurplePawprints
I’m thinking that if @JasonToon wants to keep doing songlists and letters from Australia, he’s up for being voted Goat and being expected to carry on.
Don’t donate all your warm clothes unless you packing light and going all local. I was surprised when I really looked at how far south Australia goes. I thought of warm beaches and it was chilly that far south in the spring. One of the tourist stops had a map of down under that showed how close Antarctica is to southern Australia. Just a bit jealous, here.
Don’t forget pictures in your letters.
Congratulations and good luck! I’d love for my family to be able to make a move like that (although I’d choose a place where the environs are less deadly). I hope everything goes well for you and yours.
Congratulations Jason, enjoy Australia! I had a great time when I was there, never made it down to Melbourne but it’s supposed to be a great music town so seems right for you.
Don’t get eaten by a saltwater croc.
/google koalas have chlamydia
Koala chlamydia: The STD threatening an Australian icon - BBC News
http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-22207442
Once you are settled, make sure you go down to your local milk bar and get a meat pie and some big m.
Safe travels!
Ha! now you’ve got to learn to spell all over again!
Holy crap. We’ve never met, we’ll never meet, I’m still mad about Eucopia, but damn, you’ve been a daily part of my life for over 9 years. It will be weird without you. (It was weird WITH you!)
All the best, all the good luck for you. Congratulations and bon voyage!
As for Eucopia, I have this crazy dream you make it up to me with lots of empty red boxes and gray paper shred. (Such nice boxes and paper shred!)
@KDemo that beginners piece even has too much on it!
@KDemo
/giphy team marmite.
@connorbush
Welcome to the metric system.
And watch it when you first are driving and crossing the street. I lived/worked in the UK and can tell you first hand it takes a while to adjust. Left turns (for some reason I found right turns easier to adjust to, your mileage may vary) and roundabouts (eg traffic circles) in particular take some readjustment of your automatic reflexes and you can end up on the wrong side of the road. It is no easier on bikes. Also when crossing the street, backing out of a driveway, etc. you will consciously have to look in the opposite direction than you are used to first as the traffic on your side of the street will be on the other side of the road.
I had a dream once, coming back to the USA after working in UK for a year, that I couldn’t remember which side of the street to drive on and there was no traffic coming by to tell me. In my dream I sorted it out by checking to see which side of the car had the steering wheel. LOL
I’ve spent plenty of time in Sydney (my wife is an Aussie) and I can say with the utmost confidence that you’re moving to a truly great country. Great people. Great natural beauty. Great food. Great beaches. Great quality of life. And… incredibly expensive everything.
You’ll be disappointed when you learn the toilets don’t actually go backward (they flush differently than US toilets – no swirling!) but you’ll make up for it the first time you wake up to find a redback in your loo. You’ll have to get used to ordering flat whites instead of lattes and long blacks (aka americanos) instead of brewed coffees, but you’ll gain an appreciation of true blue Aussie culture in no time. Enjoy!!!
All the best Jason. I hope whatever it is you’re doing, we’ll still be able to read something you’re writing. Let us know where to find it!
Please go and visit Alice Springs if you get a chance.
@Shrdlu
@JasonToon
I’ve heard that the railroad trips through Alice Springs and to the north coast are astonishing.
Please visit some opal mines.
You are allowed to go to Darwin to document Darwin Awards, not to win one.
If you are a reader, consider the books of Arthur Upfield - in particular, the long series of mysteries with protagonist Napoleon “Bony” Bonaparte, a half-caste aboriginal police detective, set mostly pre-WWII. Upfield’s series was the inspiration for a number of American mystery writers, notably including Tony Hillerman, who was inspired by Upfield’s extensive knowledge of the outback and the various cultures, most notably Aboriginal culture and outback survival.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arthur_Upfield
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bony_(character)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Murchison_Murders
Also, The Songlines, a book by Bruce Chatwin
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Songlines
Also, I hope you’ve seen Walkabout, beautifully directed by Nicholas Roeg.
/giphy so long good friend.
A. Make a ton of Crowded House jokes
B. Stay away from the candy that looks like Mentos, but tastes like chalk.
C. Be prepared for prawns and hollandaise on your pizza.
D. My wife and 2 other people I know have been bitten by koalas, so watch out.
E. Watch the documentary Romper Stomper.
I’m so jealous! My dad was a Naturalized Aussie after he escaped the nazis from Poland back in the 30s-40s. He died before I could talk so I don’t know his story and found a lot of my info online. I’m thinking they would take me? I would like to escape the nazi’s too.
@looseneck It’s a very popular topic these days. Here’s how. I see that their government puts things into plain English, not governmentese. http://www.border.gov.au/Trav/Citi/pathways-processes/application-options/descent
@OldCatLady Ooooh! Thank you! I’ll definitely look into this.
Good luck, we’ll miss you! The first thing I do at midnight (after clicking the meh button and looking at @kylethephotoguy’s work) is read your write-ups. Thanks for the cool music too- I’ll be watching on Sundays. Next week “Waltzing Matilda”?
For many years I’ve exchanged items with an Aussie friend and it’s been enlightening. Candy in Australia is much, much better than here. Even the same candy bar, Cadbury for example, is made differently and tastes great. Vegemite is horrible. They do not have graham crackers (therefore no smores), old bay seasoning, peeps, or the array of hot sauce that we have. They talk funny too. Good luck!
@callow Cadbury is better in the UK and Europe too…
@Kidsandliz Time for a border run to Canada. Especially with Easter candy out.
@OldCatLady Umm faster to run to Mexico from where I live LOL
@Kidsandliz But they aren’t in the UK. Do they have the real (UK) chocolate, or is theirs better still because they originated it?
Wow, what an amazing opportunity! Congrats on such an exciting, life-changing journey. I’ll miss your wonderful words, but look forward to still seeing you on Sundays.
Hope you have a blast!
You could impress your new neighbors by showing them the picture of you in the rabbit suit. For some reason that’s always stuck in my mind. Good luck and have a great time.
Awesome! I wish you the very best of luck and I’m glad that you will continue your playlists. (It is the tests with deadlines I dislike, not the lists themselves.)
And so much closer to New Zealand (the only country in the world where home distillation of drinking alcohol is completely legal).
@jasontoon Congrats on the new chapter you’re about to write!
I’ll have to eat a slice of sheet-cake in your honour.
See you in the forums!
@jasontoon Did you make sure you’ve got non-sucky internet connections wherever you’re going? The US isn’t the only place to have large pockets of speed/cost suckage. Apparently the National Broadband Plan hasn’t gone quite as expected, so there’s a lot of folks unhappy with their choices and the time they need to wait to get the promised speed.
Also, get used to being screwed on the cost of items- digital stuff especially. The one story people told was that it was cheaper to fly to the US, and buy a copy of the Adobe Creative Master Collection, and then go back, then to buy it in Australia (not really a problem now that it’s rental-only).
@dashcloud Where never is heard…
@dashcloud I’d heard from Aussie coworkers (as well as Americans assigned short-term to Japan) that the trick to cheap goods is to take your vacations in S. (of course) Korea. They have everything you’d want (or equivalent) for pennies on the US $.
There were also several mentions of Hong Kong, but more for soft goods; electronic & hardware quality is apparently very uneven.
@compunaut And the trick to cheap goods in Korea is to buy from meh and have it shipped via a freight fowarder.
(I can’t find the chart showing how much traffic came from ppomppu … dammit, @mikibell!)
Regarding living accommodations:
http://videos.hgtv.com/video/house-hunters-international-goes-to-melbourne,-australia-0193085
Damn it, Trump. Celebrities really are moving away.
@JasonToon
Once you’re there, can you work out a way to get us all in on permanent visas, just in case?
/giphy down under
Also can you visit Antartica?
@f00l Now that would be cool - visiting Antartica
Can you send me the obscure band / concert t-shirts you’re not taking with you? We all know you probably have a ton of Sloan, Kyuss, or some other greatest-band-ever collection.
Congrats mate!
What a wonderful adventure! How brave of you and your family to leave all that is known to go to the unknown. I enjoyed reading your work and will miss it, but look forward to your “Letters from Australia”. Good luck and congratulations!
We’ll miss ya
Good luck! Would love to hear about your adventures. My boyfriend wants to move to New Zealand and we just found out they are looking for tech people there, so I’m applying. Also an adventure, but not so many deadly animals.
Good luck on your trip. Given the difference in living expenses, I hope you negotiated your new salary on purchasing power and not by converting to US$. My wife and I moved to Oslo for my job many years ago. It was a microscopic company (my boss, his girlfriend, and me) and none of us knew what we were doing. It ended up being more expensive for both of us than we imagined. When I got paid every month, we had to put cash in four envelopes to make sure we had money for groceries every week. We lasted a year and a day. We would have come home sooner but then we would have had to pay US taxes (in addition to Norwegian taxes) on my Norwegian salary.
I can’t imagine anyone would do this as stupidly as I did, so I’m guessing you’ll be fine. At least you’ll be able to read. Not being able to read newspapers, signs, or even the footnotes on bus schedules was very disconcerting.
I am jealous. Australia is high on my list of places I want to visit but likely never will.
Great for you bad for us. I was on board here before you came back on and it was obvious in the writing. I hope @snapster can find someone half as creative as you. Lots of luck.
Jealous. So, so jealous. Thanks for all the entertainment @JasonToon, you’ll certainly be missed. Best of luck to you and yours - enjoy your new adventure!
Congratulations and I hope this works out amazingly for you and your family!
If you’re going to move overseas to avoid prosecution on the Eucopia thing at least pick a country with no extradition.