G.O.A.T Superhero

OnionSoup went on a bit of a rant said

Greatest of All Time Superhero… Spiderman.

No, not that boring whiney dude who takes a bunch of selfies in women’s bodysuits. I’m talking about a different spiderman, the original man called Spiderman, one who wasn’t actually a superhero at all, so this whole thread premise is flawed- and to top it all off the guy wasn’t even great. He was actually only… a ghost!

So, back in the early 1940’s there was this old guy named Philip Peters, his elderly wife was in hospital, and the lady next door was being a good neighbor and invited him over for dinner. When he didn’t show, she went over to check on him. The house was locked and bolted from the inside and there was no response from within.

She called the cops, who had to break the door down to get in. They found Peters brutally bludgeoned to death. They felt for sure the murderer had to be within the house because it was all locked from the inside, so they did a thorough search finding nothing.

Later when the wife left the hospital she moved back in the house but required assistance from health care workers and house keepers, but none would stay employed long because they were convinced the house was haunted. They would hear creaks on the stairs when no one was home. Things would go missing and one housekeeper saw a fragile bony skinny old man who looked like a deceased spirit in the house one day.

Mrs. Peters left the haunted house after she could no longer get anyone to come look after her there. But even after she moved out neighbors would hear sounds from the house and see shadows moving within. The house got a reputation as being haunted by malicious spirits.

One day a police man patrolling the area saw movement within the house and rushed in and saw the “ghost” in the house. The ghost ran upstairs, so he chased it and caught it trying to escape in to a cubby in the attic that the police had neglected to search before believing it was too small to fit a human. Turns out the man had been living in that space for months.

In the end, the murderer turned out to not be a ghost, but a man who many years before Mr. Peters had taught music lessons to called Theodore Coneys. Coneys had remembered Peters as generous man and had sought him out for assistance, but ended up killing him instead- because that’s what asshats do.

The journalists called the man “The Denver Spiderman” because the spot he had lived in was filled with spiders and the detective said he’d have to be a spider to live in that small space.

So, yeah, I lied again, today’s greatest had nothing to do with superheroes, or ghosts, and the guy wasn’t even that great… I just liked the story. But, I know there are a bunch of weird superheroes out there, so this is an excuse to get people to list them.