G.O.A.T. Birthday story
4So, in honor of Meh’s birthday, today’s greatest of all time is the greatest of all time birthday stories. It is about the birthday of King Henry VI of England.
Now, you all know in days of old, when knights were bold they all loved their holy relics. The Holy Grail is most famous today, but was fairly obscure back in the day. Instead things like the finger bone of St. Paul or the heart of St. Cuthbert were all the rage.
Now, Henry V heard about a really important relic in France. This was years after he has kicked French butt at the battle of Agincourt, so he was pretty confident he could walk all over them.
He sent a group of knights on a holy quest: to retrieve the foreskin of Jesus. (Indy eat your heart out).
Naturally, they succeeded and brought Jesus’s foreskin back to England. Henry gave Jesus’s foreskin to his wife (as husband’s are wont to do). His wife used the foreskin as a calming device during the birthing process by reportedly sniffing it.
So guys, you want to make your wife’s labor go easier. Give them someone’s foreskin to sniff.
I don’t think we know what happened to most Holy relics, this one, like most have disappeared over the years. Just like most relics, this was certainly fake… Probably a piece of dried lambskin… It has probably rotted away over the centuries.
Anyhow that’s my greatest of all time birthday stories… Let me know if you have one you prefer.
Happy birthday Meh!
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Should anyone want to know more about Jesus’s foreskin, it’s actually, as a relic usually refered to as the Holy Prepuce.
Wikipedia:
-wikipedia, Henry VI
Hmmm.
Maybe dad should capture and give a different gift, and mom should use something else, for pain relief or a luck talisman or holy relic, during childbirth, if you two want your child, who will be 1st in line to the throne, to have a successful reign?
@f00l ok… Not going to give my wife a foreskin if she gets pregnant again… Sounds a bit of bad luck.
@f00l @OnionSoup I can’t but help think of the scene in Monty Python’s Holy Grail where the French knight on the castle parapet is taunting King Arthur and the English knights. Except he’s taunting “Your mother smells of foreskins!”
@f00l @mehcuda67 Monty Python missed a beat there having the film about the Holy Grail instead of the Holy Foreskin.
As an aside… Henry VI’s mother was in fact French herself.
@mehcuda67 @OnionSoup
Margaret of Anjou, Queen Consort Of England, was the French king’s niece, and quite an operator, politician, and war leader in her own right.
She was the single strongest political person on the Lancaster side during her marriage; her husband might have kept his throne for half as long, or similar, without her.
She was a badass, and could be damned ruthless.
Henry VI’s famous warrior dad, Henry V, died when H VI was an infant. This didn’t help.
And H VI was born into a warring country, but hated all things to do with war or self defense.
Wanted to pray all day every day or the like.
And went mad or went into a semi-catatonic state for years. This also didn’t help.
@f00l @mehcuda67 do we blame the foreskin for any of this, or is it just a coincidence?
@OnionSoup is definitely to blame.
@mehcuda67 @OnionSoup
You can blame the Great Foreskin Quest on daddy, Henry V, great warrior and religious intolerant.
You know this king:
Played by Kenneth Branagh in 1989; who sported impossibly modern impossibly shiny carefully feathered locks.
You woulda thought he belonged in a boy band, by the way he looked for that part.
Branagh is a hell of an actor, but that haircut was totally disconcerting. (more obvious in the indoor scenes).
Also, part of the issue with Branagh in this role is that he doesn’t move, stand, or hold himself like a man who rides for miles frequently, often all day; or who is an athlete as a natural portion of his day.
Any un-impoverished healthy royal or noble or well-born young man of that era, who was not bound for the church or the law or similar, would have carried himself naturally as the casual but constant athlete that he was.
Branagh does not do this.
@OnionSoup totally did it.
This is weird.
I can’t wait until circumcision goes away.
No more cut foreskin sniffing!