Drugs are bad, mkay?
9
Tito and Amanda Watts, who sold the tickets on the street for $99.99 (GHC 383.46) per ticket, told buyers the tickets were made from solid gold and each ticket reserved the buyer a spot in heaven, simply present the ticket at the pearly gates and you’re in.
According to Jackson Police in Florida, People can sell tickets to heaven which is not illegal but the Watts misrepresented their product which was a piece of wood spray painted gold with “Tickets to Heaven Admits One” written with maker.
The police spokesman said “You can’t sell something as gold when it’s not. That’s where the Watts crossed the line into doing something illegal.”
In Tito Watts’s police statement, he said: I don’t care what the police say. The tickets are solid gold… it ain’t cut up two by fours I spray painted gold. And it was Jesus who give them to me behind the KFC and said to sell them so I could get me some money to go to outer space.
"I met an alien named Stevie who said if I got the cash together he’d take me and my wife on his flying saucer to his planet that’s made entirely of crack cocaine. You can smoke all the crack cocaine there you want… totally free. So, try to send an innocent man to jail and see what happens.
"You should arrest Jesus because he’s the one that gave me the golden tickets and said to sell them. I’m willing to wear a wire and set Jesus up".
Amanda Watts said in her police statement: We just wanted to leave earth and go to space and smoke rock cocaine. I didn’t do nothing. Tito sold the golden tickets to heaven. I just watched, Celebtricity.com reported.
The Police said they seized over $10,000 in cash, five crack pipes and a baby alligator."
... and a baby alligator.
I just had to share.
- 14 comments, 9 replies
- Comment
I'm still stuck on the "sold them to hundreds of people" part.
@rockblossom it makes more sense if it had read "sold them to hundreds of other crackheads". also, that picture of Tito is friggin hilarious.
@rockblossom Makes even more sense because this was in Florida.
Bad news www.snopes.com/media/notnews/goldentickets.asp
but still made me laugh
@Foxborn Read the actual contents of that write-up. They DID get arrested, they WERE selling Golden Tickets to Heaven. The whole story is true, snopes simply pointed out that they were arrested for the gold being fake - not for selling tickets to heaven.
IMO, snopes should clarify that.
@Foxborn - Snopes has now updated the article again to say that this was a hoax story.
Oh my, that face on Tito heh. Seriously I get embarrassed for my home state of Florida, 'cause we seem to get more than our fair share of dumb azzes who end up in the news by doing crazy stuff. I have 2 possible theories why: 1) too much sun scrambles our brains like a pan full of eggs and/or 2) there's way too much crack available around here. Maybe it's both. Either way, I want my gold spray painted ticket to heaven! Aso, why am I thinking this product would be a good craft project for some Ebay or Etsy seller, might be a nice moneymaker.
Thanks for the 2 Tickets to Paradise earworm!
To heaven? Maybe they should be selling those outside a certain pizza joint in Indiana...
Man, she really reminds me of a Dr Seuss character.
Tito looks like he fell face first into a barbeque grill.
Now snopes has said it's a hoax (earlier versions of their entry on this story said otherwise.)
But that doesn't stop the follow up story from being entertaining as well.
Hoax it may be, but I'm going to tune out snopes this time just because I love this too much.
A guy named Jesus kept giving me things behind a KFC. I picked up a cream that cleared them up.
@jaremelz Like a Holy Crack Fairy. It's glorious.
@Thumperchick We smoke crack and trade a Ramen for an amen.
That's INSANE!
Hey now, keep to the truth when you talk about my state. We don't need fiction. Here's proof: http://wonkette.com/581157/we-took-a-week-off-is-florida-still-dumb-yes-your-florida-roundup
@OldCatLady You should be in Panama City. Spring Break is causing local politician's heads to explode. It's been fun watching the turmoil.
@Teripie I'm watching from Jacksonville, which is plenty close enough. Is there a body count from balcony diving yet?
@OldCatLady Darwin approves.
What? I'm the only one who thought of this song?
I know the site that sourced that story (Stuppid.com) posts made up stories, but with headlines like this, you can't help but like them..
"Crips and Bloods Unite, Declare War On ISIS"
http://stuppid.com/crips-and-bloods-war-on-isis/
Will MEH be offering Tickets to Heaven on 2 fer tuesday anytime soon? I need to jump on that.