@cranky1950 What a crew! I forgot Betty White ever had brown hair. She’s the only one still alive out of that group. Or out of a lot of other groups! haha.
A critical part of a good relationship is ownership of separate spaces. Separate areas. His and hers. Separate computer accounts. The hypothetical “we” need room, to be our own persons. Ideally, in separate houses, when you get down to it…
Everyone I know with successful marriages of 20+ years (that I know well enough to have this info) shares this sort of info with each other. That’s just my personal knowledge of my connections.
These people do routinely set up for personal space. They also do not keep non-work secrets from their partners.
I’m not claiming that to be any sort if universal recommendation. People have to work those out over time in each relationship.
I guess I think it’s a good idea not to be in a long-term relationship with someone with whom one is pretty sure one would not everbe ok sharing those sort of info with.
As for the idea that one is the sort person (and has the personal sense of privacy) that means one would never share this sort of info with anyone, including a trustworthy partner: I suspect that sort of person will have relationships of a different type and quality. Not saying that’s necessarily bad.
If ones is not in the type of relationship where one can/should/will trust the other party with that sort of info (for any reason); I hope the relationship does not go thru intense periods of stress where the 2 persons are heavily dependent in mutual trust and confidence in that sort of openness in order to survive or prosper.
The choice not to trust a person on this way, when those person is otherwise worthy of such trust, will likely make a difference on both sides.
As for being in a relationship with a particular individual with whom one would not share this sort of info (after getting to know the other person about as well as one can over the years): that sounds like a person who, as a partner, would be frustrating and exhausting (or worse) to have as a partner.
@f00l - My wife and I have a successful marriage of 20+ years and did go through an unfortunate period where she felt she had to know my passwords - and that was very nearly the end of it, for me anyway! She got over it, happily.
I have to admit I’ve never asked any of our married friends what their approach is - that’s a bit outside MY comfort zone! But maybe that goes without saying?
@f00l Ahhh, I was trying to make a joke, but now that I read what I wrote, it does make more sense interpreted nearly-literally. And actually, I think I still agree with it, in any case, so it all works out.
I would never marry a person that I didn’t think I could trust with passwords, if there was some reason to share them in the first place. The tricky part is, that kind of trust is multi-faceted, and I have a low opinion of nearly everyone I know with respect to how they act when they’re angry and how they think about things like security.
@aetris I do believe @f00l is referring to a general trust and lack of care, concerning the implications of making oneself vulnerable to the person one is married to, whereas you are referring to suspicion, or, maybe, invasive curiosity.
Yeah. This is a personal thing. People have to come to an understanding with each other individually. I mentioned I was not making a recommendation. Perhaps I should have emphasized that.
I also did not ask for this information from these people in these relationships. I simply find out or was told in the course of events. In each case it was no big deal to either party, but relevant to the moment at hand, which it, I suppose, why the person mentioned it.
In one case the parties told me that this had been an issue moderately early in the course of what was obviously becoming a very serious relationship.
What this particular couple finally decided was to trust each other with these password, and also to agree on the need for personal private space. They both have given their passwords to the other, or given the means for the other to get those passwords if needed - and also agreed that they would not use those passwords without serious cause and time for reflection, or else in a notable emergency when they had no other options.
This is just one couple’s solution that worked for them. That doesn’t mean it’s right for everyone.
Also, obviously, any sort of agreement, including this one, can be gamed by one or both if the parties. I do hope that people have the awareness to notice if it is likely that they are being gamed in a personal relationship.
@f00l yes, for me there needs to be a practical reason to share passwords. ‘because you’re my partner’ is not reason enough, for me. (and in fact belies a level of suspicion & control that i’m not into.)
My one relative - in this case a lawyer who is fanatical about privacy in his work, and protects his clients’ privacy to the degree that he will never say who his (all large corporate) clients are, had found a different resolution with his spouse.
Married since the early 1980’s, and have a relationship built on openness/honesty with each other, and trust. They have this info for each other. They also don’t use this info.
They made these choices fairly early in their very serious phases of their relationship. They claim it’s worked. That both have always shared this password info, that neither has ever snooped.
They are both highly reliable, highly intelligent, non-dramatic sorts. The integrity of the relationship between them us a huge deal to both of them.
The spouses do not have each other’s work password info, for obvious reasons (obligations to colleagues and clients).
That’s just their solution. I know other people will claim to have similar philosophies and claim it has worked very well for them.
In each case, the attractiveness of this particular choice of spouse was made in part based on how absolutely sure each person felt about being able to have complete confidence in the other person’s emotional balance, judgment, reliability, honesty, honorability, and commitment to human dignity and decency.
Every relationship has to navigate this individually.
@f00l yeah, definitely what works for one may not (and probably does not) work for all, and one should never judge another’s relationship but rather do what works for them.
my partner and i leave ourselves logged in to unlocked devices (or devices to which the other has the password) and that’s definitely a trust thing. neither of us goes through the other’s accounts/devices just for the heck of it. it’s a level of trust that was reached at some point but there was never a conversation about it. i personally feel that if you have to lock up all your accounts and devices while at home to keep your partner out of them (with the exception as you mentioned of work sensitivities, of course)…well, that would be an issue for me.
@InnocuousFarmer, @f00l - I shouldn’t have taken it so seriously, it just struck a nerve - it sounded like one of those “but then YOUR relationship isn’t PERFECT” comparisons. IMHO needing to know someone else’s passwords is the exact opposite of trust, but different strokes I guess. I’m not talking about financial applications, though.
Anyway I believe that human beings aren’t perfect, and if you trust someone with ANYTHING you have to accept that it’s likely to get misused eventually - it’s really all about saying “it happened, neither of us are perfect, I’m going to shout for a little while but then let’s get over it and move along” afterwards.
Yet another reason to get two-factor authentication on every account you can. I could post my google password right here and not worry. I’m not going to, but I could.
On second thought, I don’t even know my google password. I don’t know any of my passwords, except the lastpass master password.
Getting back to the question, no. I would say yes to something like my Prime Video account, but the 2FA kills that option. 2FA also kills the email question (in addition to the rest of the google ecosystem), but even if I didn’t have 2FA on my email I’d still say no to that. I’d say no to it, and I’d seriously question why I was with someone who would even ask for it.
I would give them my master password in case of some emergency (where hopefully they’d have access to my phone to get past the 2FA on my lastpass account), but that’s another thing altogether.
@f00l Amazon totally needs to separate the password I use to watch Prime video with from the on I use to buy stuff with and manage payment info - and my password.
+1 on LastPass. Identities is how you solve the share with spouse/partner. And plaintext export onto a truecrypt thumb drive with a “if im dead, follow these instructions to get every account and password I have” in an envelope with my lawyer. Thumb drive goes to my sister and a copy to the wife’s daughter, with instructions to contact the lawyer and put the two together. Replace every couple of months, and we’re good.
Mrs. smyle knows where I keep the LastPass master password written down, and it’s not obvious that’s what it is (so if for some bizarre reason it were to get stolen, I’d very likely find out before it was used). If something happens to me, she can parcel out info to anybody else that thinks they need it.
If she goes alongside me (e.g. plane
crash), I don’t think there’s anything anybody else needs that much.
Would you share passwords or computers with someone that has cheated on the relationship before but promises she won’t do it again? I might share a password with something trivial but financial, investment and other vital information that could cost me millions, no way. Call me a skeptic but it takes a while for me to trust a person that did it before to me. Any opinions??
@bsci87 I would not, personally. One part of my worldview that I’ve been working on is that people are people, and knowing someone is as difficult, likely more difficult, than knowing oneself.
Promises are shallow – they reflect intentions at the time that they are made (assuming good faith, even). In a relationship, you want people to reliably try to do the right thing when it feels like the wrong thing.
These are the thoughts that occur to me:
• What’s the value of sharing the information? Is it only a gesture?
• Do you want to make a gesture – sharing control of finances – when you aren’t ready, and are you then prepared to live with that feeling of tension inside yourself? Can you do that without it feeding back into your relationship in a negative way?
• Cheating leaves a mark. Not acknowledging it won’t help it go away. That’ll take time.
• Perhaps a reduced trust around your investments can give you a barometer that lets you understand yourself better. You don’t trust this person now, as you doubt their commitment to you. You probably will trust them more in the future, eventually.
• Scars are natural in healing skin – some distrust that, hopefully, fades eventually, is natural in a healing relationship.
This is complex. Other people have said some good stuff here.
I might, gradually, over time. A lot of time. Like years. Or not years. Perhaps share some info now, possibly more later.
Or not.
Or perhaps I might share in some areas of life, not in others.
A lot might depend on gut sense about a person and a relationship.
Much might depend on passage of time and the relationship developing substantially toward both parties being very trustworthy and serious over time.
I might offer the other party the ability to get very significant passwords in an emergency, but by going thru another trusted party, such as a lawyer.
Much would depend on the nature and depth of relationship that developed with the other person. Much would depend on how both of us matured over time.
If the other person is the sort of person where I wished that person would be a bit more honest, or more trustworthy, or more mature, or more serious, or more stable, I would be cautious.
If the events that caused distrust still had lingering emotional effects - or if the personal traits that played into betrayal or lack if trustworthiness in the past still appeared to be present, I would be cautious.
I think every good answer in this sort of situation would need an individual solution tailored to the two people.
@bsci87 my partner and i share this info for practical reasons, as well as trusting and being relaxed enough around each other that we know the other person isn’t going to randomly go through our accounts with malicious intent. (or for the sole purpose of snooping/checking up on someone/etc.)
our relationship has not always been smooth and there was cheating in the past. but…neither of us has tons of assets. there are no millions to be had or taken. (in fact we both have bad credit and debt.) there’s not so much where anything would go unnoticed, if that makes sense. we have been (and could be) bitter and petty, but i don’t believe either of us would go so far as to financially fuck with the other person or damage their personal belongings, even if things went tits up again. having never been in a wealthy position, i can’t say whether i would be as relaxed in that case.
i also think trust is a feeling in your gut, and not a list of passwords that must be shared, but ymmv.
@sanspoint I’ve had friends share Netflix and Hulu pws when they were visiting and we wanted to watch something on my system. I let my friends have my wifi pw as the mountain at the end if my street blocks cell reception so no one’s phone works at my place. That’s it, though.
At this point in my life, married twice, the last, 22 years, I have come to the conclusion, I am no good at it. I have a great relationship with my stepdaughter. Her 20 to daughter has always been my granddaughter.
Other than that I am a recluse with a dog, and very content. Now, I gotta decide if I am going to deliver my PANAMA CITY, FL route on Monday.
We each have our own computer. We share passwords for the sites that we pay bills on or have common accounts. Other than that, there’s not much need to share passwords for any of the other sites we each go to. We’d have no interest in each others little pastimes or foibles. Like here. He’s never gotten on Meh.com to my knowledge and couldn’t care less. Therefore… he needeth not my password.
i chose ‘yes, of course’ although i disagree with the ‘of course’ part. i certainly did not share this info with every partner i’ve had, and if you’re the type that needs to know all my passwords so you can randomly go through my accounts/phone to see if i’m ‘up to something’ or simply out of morbid curiosity, we will not work out in any type of relationship. i.e., giving you all my passwords should not be an expectation. (and people, if you need to snoop? you already know. don’t torture yourself, just leave.)
that said, my current partner (who i’ve been with ten years and have lived with for some time) and i do share passwords to everything out of convenience/necessity. if i’m copiloting in the car and need to unlock the phone screen, it’s no big deal to ask for the code. if we’re using my tablet to order food, i give him the passcode. (and then we just forget even tho it’s been said on many occasions anyway.) we share a foodler/grubhub account, netflix/cable, xbox/twitch, as well as a paypal account and an amazon wallet. i also know his PIN because sometimes i’ll run into a store for something before we go out and he wants me to pull out cash and doesn’t feel like coming in. (or there’s nowhere to park and he has to stay in the car.)
i don’t know what his instagram or fb passwords are but he leaves himself logged in on an unlocked computer which is basically the same thing, and i have no reason to ask for those. i don’t need to look through his social media accounts or have a shared one (ew). we have access to each other’s computers because his is also our media server, and he has access to mine because he’s my built in IT support and my laptop is rather old and finicky.
so, i don’t share passwords because he’s my partner, i share passwords because i trust him and it’s convenient. and if he ever used this info to just start checking my call log or reading my DMs, that would be the end of that.
My wife has access to every password I have and I have access to every one of hers. If something happens to me, she’ll need immediate access to bank, trust, investment accounts, mutual funds, etc. Same for her accounts. I don’t care about her gmail account password, but I do care about her social security account password. This isn’t about trust. This is just about being an adult in a complex world.
My ex gf had all my pins, passwords and safe combo. I guess that’s prolly why it was so easy for her to jack my cash, empty my bank accounts, and take a buttload of cash advances on my credit cards after I discovered how friendly she was with the neighbor.
I used to know the passwords of everyone in the office as most of them were serious luddites and by contrast I was a computer whiz. Even though it had nothing to do with my job they’d come to me for computer help as tech support took days, was very poor at communicating solutions, and had no patience. Other than the financial folks, who were computer savvy enough not to need my help, none of our data was sensitive. I basically just set most of the staff up with an automated calendar reminder to change their pw on the first of every month, and then had them use the calendar month plus a simple number such as their birth year or the last four digits of their home phone for the pw, so something like September1967, updated on the1st to October1967. The number never changed so they didn’t forget it and the month was of course easy to remember so it pretty much eliminated lost password complaints for the department.
I’m still working on the part where I remember what they are. We don’t need to go draggin’ someone else in here.
He wouldn’t know what a password was if it came up and bit him on the ankle.
@cranky1950 What a crew! I forgot Betty White ever had brown hair. She’s the only one still alive out of that group. Or out of a lot of other groups! haha.
@lseeber Her and Tony Randall are probably the only ones who didn’t smoke.
A critical part of a good relationship is ownership of separate spaces. Separate areas. His and hers. Separate computer accounts. The hypothetical “we” need room, to be our own persons. Ideally, in separate houses, when you get down to it…
@InnocuousFarmer
Everyone I know with successful marriages of 20+ years (that I know well enough to have this info) shares this sort of info with each other. That’s just my personal knowledge of my connections.
These people do routinely set up for personal space. They also do not keep non-work secrets from their partners.
I’m not claiming that to be any sort if universal recommendation. People have to work those out over time in each relationship.
I guess I think it’s a good idea not to be in a long-term relationship with someone with whom one is pretty sure one would not ever be ok sharing those sort of info with.
As for the idea that one is the sort person (and has the personal sense of privacy) that means one would never share this sort of info with anyone, including a trustworthy partner: I suspect that sort of person will have relationships of a different type and quality. Not saying that’s necessarily bad.
If ones is not in the type of relationship where one can/should/will trust the other party with that sort of info (for any reason); I hope the relationship does not go thru intense periods of stress where the 2 persons are heavily dependent in mutual trust and confidence in that sort of openness in order to survive or prosper.
The choice not to trust a person on this way, when those person is otherwise worthy of such trust, will likely make a difference on both sides.
As for being in a relationship with a particular individual with whom one would not share this sort of info (after getting to know the other person about as well as one can over the years): that sounds like a person who, as a partner, would be frustrating and exhausting (or worse) to have as a partner.
@f00l - My wife and I have a successful marriage of 20+ years and did go through an unfortunate period where she felt she had to know my passwords - and that was very nearly the end of it, for me anyway! She got over it, happily.
I have to admit I’ve never asked any of our married friends what their approach is - that’s a bit outside MY comfort zone! But maybe that goes without saying?
@f00l Ahhh, I was trying to make a joke, but now that I read what I wrote, it does make more sense interpreted nearly-literally. And actually, I think I still agree with it, in any case, so it all works out.
I would never marry a person that I didn’t think I could trust with passwords, if there was some reason to share them in the first place. The tricky part is, that kind of trust is multi-faceted, and I have a low opinion of nearly everyone I know with respect to how they act when they’re angry and how they think about things like security.
@aetris I do believe @f00l is referring to a general trust and lack of care, concerning the implications of making oneself vulnerable to the person one is married to, whereas you are referring to suspicion, or, maybe, invasive curiosity.
@InnocuousFarmer
@aetris
Yeah. This is a personal thing. People have to come to an understanding with each other individually. I mentioned I was not making a recommendation. Perhaps I should have emphasized that.
I also did not ask for this information from these people in these relationships. I simply find out or was told in the course of events. In each case it was no big deal to either party, but relevant to the moment at hand, which it, I suppose, why the person mentioned it.
In one case the parties told me that this had been an issue moderately early in the course of what was obviously becoming a very serious relationship.
What this particular couple finally decided was to trust each other with these password, and also to agree on the need for personal private space. They both have given their passwords to the other, or given the means for the other to get those passwords if needed - and also agreed that they would not use those passwords without serious cause and time for reflection, or else in a notable emergency when they had no other options.
This is just one couple’s solution that worked for them. That doesn’t mean it’s right for everyone.
Also, obviously, any sort of agreement, including this one, can be gamed by one or both if the parties. I do hope that people have the awareness to notice if it is likely that they are being gamed in a personal relationship.
@f00l yes, for me there needs to be a practical reason to share passwords. ‘because you’re my partner’ is not reason enough, for me. (and in fact belies a level of suspicion & control that i’m not into.)
@jerk_nugget
My one relative - in this case a lawyer who is fanatical about privacy in his work, and protects his clients’ privacy to the degree that he will never say who his (all large corporate) clients are, had found a different resolution with his spouse.
Married since the early 1980’s, and have a relationship built on openness/honesty with each other, and trust. They have this info for each other. They also don’t use this info.
They made these choices fairly early in their very serious phases of their relationship. They claim it’s worked. That both have always shared this password info, that neither has ever snooped.
They are both highly reliable, highly intelligent, non-dramatic sorts. The integrity of the relationship between them us a huge deal to both of them.
The spouses do not have each other’s work password info, for obvious reasons (obligations to colleagues and clients).
That’s just their solution. I know other people will claim to have similar philosophies and claim it has worked very well for them.
In each case, the attractiveness of this particular choice of spouse was made in part based on how absolutely sure each person felt about being able to have complete confidence in the other person’s emotional balance, judgment, reliability, honesty, honorability, and commitment to human dignity and decency.
Every relationship has to navigate this individually.
@f00l yeah, definitely what works for one may not (and probably does not) work for all, and one should never judge another’s relationship but rather do what works for them.
my partner and i leave ourselves logged in to unlocked devices (or devices to which the other has the password) and that’s definitely a trust thing. neither of us goes through the other’s accounts/devices just for the heck of it. it’s a level of trust that was reached at some point but there was never a conversation about it. i personally feel that if you have to lock up all your accounts and devices while at home to keep your partner out of them (with the exception as you mentioned of work sensitivities, of course)…well, that would be an issue for me.
@InnocuousFarmer, @f00l - I shouldn’t have taken it so seriously, it just struck a nerve - it sounded like one of those “but then YOUR relationship isn’t PERFECT” comparisons. IMHO needing to know someone else’s passwords is the exact opposite of trust, but different strokes I guess. I’m not talking about financial applications, though.
Anyway I believe that human beings aren’t perfect, and if you trust someone with ANYTHING you have to accept that it’s likely to get misused eventually - it’s really all about saying “it happened, neither of us are perfect, I’m going to shout for a little while but then let’s get over it and move along” afterwards.
Yet another reason to get two-factor authentication on every account you can. I could post my google password right here and not worry. I’m not going to, but I could.
On second thought, I don’t even know my google password. I don’t know any of my passwords, except the lastpass master password.
Getting back to the question, no. I would say yes to something like my Prime Video account, but the 2FA kills that option. 2FA also kills the email question (in addition to the rest of the google ecosystem), but even if I didn’t have 2FA on my email I’d still say no to that. I’d say no to it, and I’d seriously question why I was with someone who would even ask for it.
I would give them my master password in case of some emergency (where hopefully they’d have access to my phone to get past the 2FA on my lastpass account), but that’s another thing altogether.
@rprebel
Prime video;. That family thing Amazon offers will take care if it.
@f00l Amazon totally needs to separate the password I use to watch Prime video with from the on I use to buy stuff with and manage payment info - and my password.
+1 on LastPass. Identities is how you solve the share with spouse/partner. And plaintext export onto a truecrypt thumb drive with a “if im dead, follow these instructions to get every account and password I have” in an envelope with my lawyer. Thumb drive goes to my sister and a copy to the wife’s daughter, with instructions to contact the lawyer and put the two together. Replace every couple of months, and we’re good.
@rprebel LastPass FTW!
Mrs. smyle knows where I keep the LastPass master password written down, and it’s not obvious that’s what it is (so if for some bizarre reason it were to get stolen, I’d very likely find out before it was used). If something happens to me, she can parcel out info to anybody else that thinks they need it.
If she goes alongside me (e.g. plane
crash), I don’t think there’s anything anybody else needs that much.
Would you share passwords or computers with someone that has cheated on the relationship before but promises she won’t do it again? I might share a password with something trivial but financial, investment and other vital information that could cost me millions, no way. Call me a skeptic but it takes a while for me to trust a person that did it before to me. Any opinions??
@bsci87 I’d love to have millions to worry about, lol.
@bsci87 I would not, personally. One part of my worldview that I’ve been working on is that people are people, and knowing someone is as difficult, likely more difficult, than knowing oneself.
Promises are shallow – they reflect intentions at the time that they are made (assuming good faith, even). In a relationship, you want people to reliably try to do the right thing when it feels like the wrong thing.
These are the thoughts that occur to me:
• What’s the value of sharing the information? Is it only a gesture?
• Do you want to make a gesture – sharing control of finances – when you aren’t ready, and are you then prepared to live with that feeling of tension inside yourself? Can you do that without it feeding back into your relationship in a negative way?
• Cheating leaves a mark. Not acknowledging it won’t help it go away. That’ll take time.
• Perhaps a reduced trust around your investments can give you a barometer that lets you understand yourself better. You don’t trust this person now, as you doubt their commitment to you. You probably will trust them more in the future, eventually.
• Scars are natural in healing skin – some distrust that, hopefully, fades eventually, is natural in a healing relationship.
@bsci87
This is complex. Other people have said some good stuff here.
I might, gradually, over time. A lot of time. Like years. Or not years. Perhaps share some info now, possibly more later.
Or not.
Or perhaps I might share in some areas of life, not in others.
A lot might depend on gut sense about a person and a relationship.
Much might depend on passage of time and the relationship developing substantially toward both parties being very trustworthy and serious over time.
I might offer the other party the ability to get very significant passwords in an emergency, but by going thru another trusted party, such as a lawyer.
Much would depend on the nature and depth of relationship that developed with the other person. Much would depend on how both of us matured over time.
If the other person is the sort of person where I wished that person would be a bit more honest, or more trustworthy, or more mature, or more serious, or more stable, I would be cautious.
If the events that caused distrust still had lingering emotional effects - or if the personal traits that played into betrayal or lack if trustworthiness in the past still appeared to be present, I would be cautious.
I think every good answer in this sort of situation would need an individual solution tailored to the two people.
@bsci87 my partner and i share this info for practical reasons, as well as trusting and being relaxed enough around each other that we know the other person isn’t going to randomly go through our accounts with malicious intent. (or for the sole purpose of snooping/checking up on someone/etc.)
our relationship has not always been smooth and there was cheating in the past. but…neither of us has tons of assets. there are no millions to be had or taken. (in fact we both have bad credit and debt.) there’s not so much where anything would go unnoticed, if that makes sense. we have been (and could be) bitter and petty, but i don’t believe either of us would go so far as to financially fuck with the other person or damage their personal belongings, even if things went tits up again. having never been in a wealthy position, i can’t say whether i would be as relaxed in that case.
i also think trust is a feeling in your gut, and not a list of passwords that must be shared, but ymmv.
We live together so they have the wifi password. Should probably offer my Netflix password too.
But everything else? No. I don’t want theirs and I ain’t giving them mine.
@sanspoint I’ve had friends share Netflix and Hulu pws when they were visiting and we wanted to watch something on my system. I let my friends have my wifi pw as the mountain at the end if my street blocks cell reception so no one’s phone works at my place. That’s it, though.
I would not share a soda with another.
At this point in my life, married twice, the last, 22 years, I have come to the conclusion, I am no good at it. I have a great relationship with my stepdaughter. Her 20 to daughter has always been my granddaughter.
Other than that I am a recluse with a dog, and very content. Now, I gotta decide if I am going to deliver my PANAMA CITY, FL route on Monday.
We each have our own computer. We share passwords for the sites that we pay bills on or have common accounts. Other than that, there’s not much need to share passwords for any of the other sites we each go to. We’d have no interest in each others little pastimes or foibles. Like here. He’s never gotten on Meh.com to my knowledge and couldn’t care less. Therefore… he needeth not my password.
With my ex, we didn’t share passwords. When it got to the point where I felt like I needed passwords, the relationship was over.
I can relate to this subject very deeply. It’s therapeutic to read this, in a way
i chose ‘yes, of course’ although i disagree with the ‘of course’ part. i certainly did not share this info with every partner i’ve had, and if you’re the type that needs to know all my passwords so you can randomly go through my accounts/phone to see if i’m ‘up to something’ or simply out of morbid curiosity, we will not work out in any type of relationship. i.e., giving you all my passwords should not be an expectation. (and people, if you need to snoop? you already know. don’t torture yourself, just leave.)
that said, my current partner (who i’ve been with ten years and have lived with for some time) and i do share passwords to everything out of convenience/necessity. if i’m copiloting in the car and need to unlock the phone screen, it’s no big deal to ask for the code. if we’re using my tablet to order food, i give him the passcode. (and then we just forget even tho it’s been said on many occasions anyway.) we share a foodler/grubhub account, netflix/cable, xbox/twitch, as well as a paypal account and an amazon wallet. i also know his PIN because sometimes i’ll run into a store for something before we go out and he wants me to pull out cash and doesn’t feel like coming in. (or there’s nowhere to park and he has to stay in the car.)
i don’t know what his instagram or fb passwords are but he leaves himself logged in on an unlocked computer which is basically the same thing, and i have no reason to ask for those. i don’t need to look through his social media accounts or have a shared one (ew). we have access to each other’s computers because his is also our media server, and he has access to mine because he’s my built in IT support and my laptop is rather old and finicky.
so, i don’t share passwords because he’s my partner, i share passwords because i trust him and it’s convenient. and if he ever used this info to just start checking my call log or reading my DMs, that would be the end of that.
to boil it down:
practical reason: yes
because i’m your partner so we should share everything: no
My wife has access to every password I have and I have access to every one of hers. If something happens to me, she’ll need immediate access to bank, trust, investment accounts, mutual funds, etc. Same for her accounts. I don’t care about her gmail account password, but I do care about her social security account password. This isn’t about trust. This is just about being an adult in a complex world.
@Sarahsda yeah, my father has this stuff written down in a place my mom, my sister, and i have access to in case of emergency.
i personally don’t have any passwords anyone would need if i suddenly croak, though.
I mean my dog knows everything, but he is good at keeping secrets!
@tinamarie1974
/image Busch’s Baked Beans
@InnocuousFarmer well shit! In that case I’m SCREWED
@InnocuousFarmer @tinamarie1974 This made me giggle. (Thank you)
@Barney
My brother has my common passwords and I know his password making convention.
My ex gf had all my pins, passwords and safe combo. I guess that’s prolly why it was so easy for her to jack my cash, empty my bank accounts, and take a buttload of cash advances on my credit cards after I discovered how friendly she was with the neighbor.
/giphy evil woman
@giphy hit that one square on.
I swear this gif was different last night. This one is more evil, though.
I used to know the passwords of everyone in the office as most of them were serious luddites and by contrast I was a computer whiz. Even though it had nothing to do with my job they’d come to me for computer help as tech support took days, was very poor at communicating solutions, and had no patience. Other than the financial folks, who were computer savvy enough not to need my help, none of our data was sensitive. I basically just set most of the staff up with an automated calendar reminder to change their pw on the first of every month, and then had them use the calendar month plus a simple number such as their birth year or the last four digits of their home phone for the pw, so something like September1967, updated on the1st to October1967. The number never changed so they didn’t forget it and the month was of course easy to remember so it pretty much eliminated lost password complaints for the department.