Dealing with feelings of rejection
23I was rejected today for an internal job transfer. The rejection was justified and I agree with it. Basically, I was expecting it to be mostly stuff from Column A where my skills lie and a little from Column B where I’d need to lean on help from others. As it turns out, the job duties were the reverse of that. No problem. I still like where I’m working. I just wanted to volunteer to help where help was needed.
I just can’t shake the emotions. This too shall pass, but I needed a safe space to say it. I couldn’t find one, so I said it here.
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If you’re one who believes in fate, you might say this leaves you open to accept a much better opportunity, which could be right around the corner.
Incidentally, if anyone is looking to fill the position of Mattress Tester I’m your guy.
@DaveInSoCal Fate, schmate. But it does signal to people here that I am motivated to move up, and I do believe that this company will support that growth.
It will surely be cool in the long run, unless that other job was some sorta lottery winner, or your existing job is some sorta hell.
But I understand having a down day.
So buy yourself your fav frappe or beer or pizza or whatever or call a few friends or family and tell them they have the job of making you laugh for the next 48 hours. Or watch the World Series. Or don’t watch politics. Or get slowly somewhat drunk to your fav music.
We know you’re cool. We know you’ll find some way to make that coolness happen again and again at work and in life: in some major way that shows.
@f00l Nah, this job and company are fine. My boss & his boss (who were hiring for the job I didn’t get) both know me well; I’ve worked with them closely for 12 years each. It wasn’t revelatory that I didn’t have a strong background in software architecture. I’m more of the jack-of-all-trades developer who can be trusted to shepherd lower-staffed projects to completion ('cuz I can do most/many of the jobs needed, and don’t find any work to be “beneath” me).
The job description led me to believe that I was to apply those skills to larger projects. Honestly, I thought the posting was written for me specifically and found it odd that I wasn’t approached directly. I immediately learned that it was more of a technical design position than a people-and-project position.
Anyway, you got me monologuing. Just fuck this day, ya know?
@f00l Oh, and I know who I am and what coolness I bring to the table. I’ve never doubted that for a second today.
@JerseyFrank
Glad to hear no self-doubt. Perhaps a conversation with these bosses: since this assignment wasn’t for you; with clear blue skies, what is?
But don’t fuck the entire 24 hours. The daylight part, yes. Sure. And then:
Tonite there will be a tiny sprinkle of autumn pixie dust. Two teams with the longest droughts will play the 7th game. The best bats against the best pitcher, I hear.
According to my Harry Potter magic lore, 7 is a powerfully magic number.
Play ball! ⚾️!
@f00l Damn, and a fine game it was, too!
@2many2no
Fucking A, it was it was.
I understand the feeling of rejection. I was rejected for a position because they thought I’d be bored because I was too smart for it. I wanted the position… Don’t use that lame excuse. Just tell me you wanted the other person more.
@RiotDemon The job I have now I work under one of my best friends. I needed to leave my old position for the sake of my sanity and she had a position open. She had a very long talk with me about that exact thing. She was worried I would be bored after the position I had since it had less responsibilities, wasn’t as complicated, etc. I convinced her it was just what I needed. I do sometimes get bored but when I do she throws me something hard to do and I get my fix…lol. I’m not sure if I would have been given the opportunity if I hadn’t of known her personally and that sucks. I agree that i would rather have straight talk rather than lame excuses.
@RiotDemon bah, seems to me this excuse is usually more along the lines of “we think we can pay the other person less”
x_x
@mehbee
Bad jobs suck. (Esp w psycho bosses. (If I had recorded one of mine, or videoed her I-am-angry conduct and her lies, I could have sued her and won, and cost her all her contracts.)
I have forced myself to stay at some of these, for a while. Put in my year or whatever.
Then freedom. And why the fuck did I stay for even a week?
@f00l I know how you feel, I’ve left places to go to a new job(heck even a new relationship) and wondered what the heck took me so long. Being happy is so much more important than money or anything else.
@mehbee
Not allowing oneself to be abused is really important.
As is acknowledging that a given situation will always be miserable, no matter how much you care for the other person.
I’ve gotten better at this. Took a few decades.
Bummer. I know the feeling.
it’s pretty normal to feel that way, especially in tech. you’ll be okay, buckaroo.
i know the feeling as well. what’s that saying? “When one doors closes another door might have a battering ram behind it for you to use.”
Rejection always sucks, but if they talked to you about it at least they aren’t typecasting you. If you wanted to you could always do a bit of learning in your free time and next time a similar position comes up you could take a stab at it if you’re still interested.
need something to make you smile a bit?
lately this video has been doing the trick for me…
also the song has been on a nearly constant loop in my brain for a couple days…and hasn’t gotten annoying yet strangely…
I RENOUNCE YOU.
It took 72 job applications to get this job that I’m currently at. I’m not saying I understand your frustration (none of my applications were for internal positions), but it’s still a pain in the neck to get rejected.
I’ve been applying for jobs in another department for 2 years now. I’ve applied to exactly 23 positions, and haven’t gotten even one interview. My resume looks good, and I’m more than qualified for the jobs. I suppose working from home for the past 8 years probably doesn’t help matter much… I dread having to go back into the office in hopes of getting another job, but it might come to that.
@capguncowboy Do you work in your PJs all day? Because I would work in my PJs all day if I was at home (like I did a couple years ago when I was able to do that…)
@capguncowboy
I suspect that someone who works from home and wants an xfer might often to cost a fair bit of f2f time before the application is submitted and during consideration, and going back to the office to work. Has proven true for a couple of family.
@luvche21 I did for the first few years, but I started feeling lazy and unproductive after a while. I actually get dressed every day just so I feel like I did something
I do work when I’m dog-sick though, and I wear my pajamas then.
@f001 I’ve been working from home longer than most of the management team in my department h ave worked for the company. So even if the hiring manager in the other department asks about me, my managers haven’t a clue who I am.
I’d like to find a job for another company eventually, but I’m closing in on the do-or-die time of life, when it’s too risky to switch
@capguncowboy Well, I was only working part time at the time while going to school, so it didn’t last that long for me either. It was nice to be able to wake up at 6:30 and be clocked in to work at 6:36. Then take a quick shower on my morning break and a nap on my afternoon break.
@luvche21 Where I’m working now we call non work from home jobs “pants jobs”
@capguncowboy Most promotions I got were from contacts I made during trade shows, conferences etc. Networking in tech fields is often ‘I know somebody who does that, in another state/ organization/region.’ If you write up a point paper or something similar (we were forever having to plan how to deal with new legislation that affected our operations), you contact your counterparts elsewhere and offer to share.
Meh. Generally speaking, the best way to get promoted is to take a new job elsewhere. Economy is good for the moment, so start searching. Good luck!
I was once accepted for an internal position at my company which I was not nearly qualified for. I had an ‘in’. People warned me that it wasn’t what it seemed, but I brushed them off as jealous. It wasn’t what it seemed. I didn’t even start the position with them; after three days of training I redacted my acceptance of the offer. The short of it is that they waited until the last possible moment to make clear that I’d been brought on to do bitch work that the other team members didn’t want to do, including a new schedule, and I was in no way going to get the training to actually become qualified in the actual position. I was told it was a lateral move and I’d not be getting a raise. I was told ‘you wanted the job, not the schedule. you can take it or snicker go back to where you were’. They were under the impression my previous position was much worse than it was. I went back to my previous position, went back to school, moved up to a new position in my same group. Still unhappy here, this place sucks. Wait that wasn’t supposed to be the ending. Sorry
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The way you deal with rejection shows what kind of character you have. Use this as an opportunity to show it.
five years from now this won’t matter, enjoy your time at work, but more importantly away from work.
That didn’t take long. I’m being offered a chance to really grow my career or I’m being put out to pasture. Not sure which it is yet.
@JerseyFrank Don’t fuck it up.
@JerseyFrank
Hoping for you.
@JerseyFrank Hoping for option 1 here! Best of luck to you.
No practical advice, but I recommend Donald Westlake’s The Ax as reading material for those with a quirky sense of humor about being downsized. I don’t (necessarily) recommend the protagonist’s method of dealing with it, but YMMV if a good resume isn’t enough. At least, he had a plan!