Closer Apart: Unforeseen Coronsequences #1
26The first in an occasional series about the unexpected effects of the global lockdown. This isn’t in any way intended to make light of the real suffering being endured by people everywhere.
I have never liked writing about myself. Some writers use writing to explicitly work out their traumas, relitigate their regrets, explore their inner terrain. Not me. For me writing is a vacation from myself. Of course my own issues and obsessions inevitably emerge, but I am never the subject matter.
So now that I’ve got some precious time to write, the only thing happening is… me spending all day in my own company. TWIST! Now I know how Burgess Meredith felt when he broke his glasses in that Twilight Zone.
But enough about me, let’s talk about me. I’ve spent long stretches of my adult life working from home, and always considered myself lucky to be able to do it. I need my Jason time. When my office shut down, I shrugged. Like, literally physically shrugged. OK, cool, just have to make sure I shower by 3 in the afternoon every day and I’m set.
I soon found out it’s different when you have no choice but to work from home. Oh, and when civilization as we’ve known it is rocked by an unprecedented worldwide disaster. With the time I saved on my commute, I was able to squeeze in even more obsessive worrying about the state of the world and my children’s future in it.
Then a funny thing happened. See, a few years ago I made the mildly insane decision to move to Australia with my wife and daughters, something I’ve written about here before. It made sense at the time as a career move, and Melbourne seemed like a good place to raise kids.
What I underestimated was how hard it would be to be so far away from family and friends. I’m terrible at keeping in touch, especially when the time difference limits phone or video calls to half the day. And the longer you go without talking, the more the idea is fraught with the weight of a major undertaking, something you need to set aside dedicated time for. So I’d go months without talking to the people closest to me in life, the people who knew me best (my wife aside).
Just this week, though, I’ve had long conversations with my mom, my oldest friend, and my grown-up daughter. I’m planning a video call to work on some songs with another old friend. My wife, her dad, and all of her sisters had a big two-hour Zoom get-together the other day.
We feel less far away from our people than we have since we moved to Australia. Imposed isolation has brought us closer to everyone we care about, because we’re all in the same position now.
I’m not the only one missing the party anymore. We’re all missing the party. None of us can go hang out with our family and friends, even if they live on the next block. Geography has been suspended for the duration. These electronic connections are all any of us have, whether we still live in our hometown or have moved to an unfamiliar hemisphere. The time difference is now the only difference. For as long as this lockdown lasts, we’re all in the same place.
We’re not on different continents, just on different shifts.
How you holding up, homies? Tell your unexpected isolation story below…
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I wish I’d made the jump to Australia when I was younger.
For me, I’m one of those weird people who has pretty much been living in lockdown for many years. My neighbors aren’t neighborly and after a few overtures… I pulled my head back in and said meh!
I’m medically disabled so I don’t go out much: doctors once a month or so and groceries about the same.
But the current situation has changed the one regular thing I had going! Hubby drives truck all over the states and is usually only home about 3 days a month.
His industry is considered to be essential to maintaining the supply chain so his company decided if any of the drivers go home and their area is put under “shelter in place” they wouldn’t let them come off of home time until the orders are lifted.
I haven’t shared space with him since January (he went to his parents in February). Now it looks like he may not be able to come home until at least May…and probably later…
We had been talking about us choosing for him to not come home until the infection rate dropped because he has a scary strong immune system and I catch anything being treated in the neighborhood. We figured he’d do his usual 3 sneezes and be back running and I’d be in the hospital. (We have a running (not) joke that the week before he comes home, if he gets a bout of sneezes he has to extend another week. One of his sneezing fits ended up with him having a sore throat for a couple of days and I ended up with double pneumonia).
Finally got him to install and use Messenger, so we can at least talk.
I talk to my co-workers (4 floofy cats) as much as they can stand. My sister and my kids get panicky if we don’t speak daily, so we chat (about REALLY weird stuff some days) and I find sources for their potty paper and other supplies that can be ordered online. And I’m finishing a novel about every other day. Slow life right now.
Stay safe!
I get what you are saying about not talking leading to not talking because you build it up in your mind, but the other person is left wondering why you never call. My parents especially suffer from my lack of calling. But we Zoomed for the first time in years two weeks ago, was nice. (Saw in Jan, at least 1 call between then and Zoom).
I’ve found myself reaching out more to family and friends. Many of them report the same effect of the lock down.
I suppose it’s a symptom of not taking things so much for granted. At least in my case it is.
The cats won’t stop making out. Does that count?
@unksol Oooohhhhhhhhhh in 40 days then KITTENS!!!
Being physically disabled and not doing so well has me not changing any behaviors. After 30 days in the hospital back in October i’ve been pretty much staying home anyways. (humongous kidney stones, RSD and my entire body swelled up like a Alabama tic just to mention a few issues) Today I did have my first ever video Dr’s appt. I have the world’s most best doctor who called me today, out of the blue, just to make sure that I was okay with everything going on from this virus. Who btw didn’t have anything to do with my previous hospitalization, it was truly out of nowhere! Honestly if this all wasn’t going on I definitely would have been back to hospital several weeks ago. It’s my mental health i’m freakin out about. There’s a weird feeling of impending doom. I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that people around the world is going through the exact same thing at this very moment! It’s crazy! I worry about my parents and their spouses who they’re both caring for. One has Alzheimer disease and the other has Parkinson’s. If they only stayed together instead of swapping partners with their best friends 40 years ago both would have wonderful lives. They’re still best of friends but that’s another story!
I wonder how many friends and family members won’t make it through, how many people I personally know will lose someone and then there’s the issue of everyone’s jobs. Believe it or not I’ve never been a worry wort! In fact on a daily basis I tell my mother in law, who worries about EVERYTHING to calm down, there’s nothing to worry about. (we’ve been staying with her for about 2 years since she can’t be left alone do to dimenta, her husband just passed away in Nov.) If she doesn’t see my cat she’s pacing the hallway, it’s really rediculous! I’m just overwhelmed by this whole thing, I know that I probably won’t make it if I do get the virus and that’s a tough one! I almost didn’t make it through the regular flu a few years ago, ended up on life support. Not fun! Again in October I had a hard time coming out of anesthesia twice. Woke up to a team of nurses yelling encouraging words, breathe, breathe, breathe!! Very scary! I’ve now lost my train of thought and I can and probably will ramble on forever if I don’t stop now. I will say how grateful I feel that we have social media and the Internet. I don’t know how they did it back in days of the Spanish flu. Call your family, call your friends and check on the neighbor who might be alone. Please keep coming back here cuz you guys are some of the nicest most caring fiends i’ve met on the internet. Stay safe and be well! ![:v:](https://dj5zo597wtsux.cloudfront.net/emojione/assets/3.1/png/64/270c.png)
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@Lynnerizer Caring fiends? (I assume you meant friends, but that was one of the best misspellings ever.)
My job is considered essential, so although my wife has been working from home since the middle of March, it was business as usual for ME up until the end of the month. However my father had been admitted to the hospital with breathing problems and wound up being diagnosed with COVID. He had a serious underlying health condition that was slated to kill him eventually, but somehow we were all able to believe that he might power through this as well. Of course that didn’t happen.
After a week on a ventilator the hospital told us that they had not been able to wean him off; he was unresponsive even after the sedation was reduced. They said his vitals were otherwise good and they had gotten his blood oxygen up, but they would have to take him off the ventilator the first week of April one way or the other.
My brother was able to fly up from Houston (he says there were five other people on the plane, with seats running under $50 one way), and they let us in (gowned and masked) to talk to Dad beforehand, which not everyone is allowing these days, so that was nice, although he looked terrible and did not open his eyes. Anyway we talked with him for a while, and then left while they disconnected him. We waited for a couple hours, and eventually the nurse came in and said he’d passed.
It’s been a weird time since, because not only are the courts closed but the county medical examiner was diagnosed with COVID herself, so no death certificates - the county hasn’t appointed a deputy for whatever reason. However my company had put me on quarantine (with PTO) for two weeks after being in contact with a COVID person, and my brother stayed with us under the circumstances but wound up flying back Sunday because his wife was showing signs and was alone in Houston except for the cats. Everything connected with funeral arrangements is kind of on hold anyway.
So I go back to work Thursday, which I have mixed feelings about, but we know a lot of people whose jobs are either on hold, essentially gone, or are TRULY essential in the sense that they’re actually face-to-face with sick people. Strange days! Stay healthy, everyone.
PRANKS! CRANKS! SHANKS! wait…
@aetris so sorry to hear this, but glad you were able to see him and say goodbye. That’s really important. As you say, not everyone can. There are so many stories like this. It helps to remember that there are real people behind all the numbers.
@aetris I am truly sorry for your loss. The 21st will be 5 years since I lost my father (technically to pneumonia though there were other circumstances), and it seems like yesterday. One of the things I’m most thankful for is that I had the chance to see him before he passed. It’s really wonderful that they gave you the opportunity to do so. That closure is so important and it’s tearing me up to see how many people haven’t been given the time to do so themselves. You know we’re all here for you. Hugs my friend.
Thanks @cinoclav and I hope you’re taking care of yourself! It’s been tough for us but a real reminder of what folks in health care have to deal with every day.
@aetris
How heartbreaking. I’m really glad you all got to be there.
The deaths in my immediate family were like gut-punches and head-punches that took years to even start to get past. So I know your family will also be reeling emotionally.
Its so good that you have each other.
Thanks @f00l - Head-punches is a good way to put it. We have definitely been very lucky in many ways, but it’s hard to keep that in focus.
@aetris That is so awful. And so sad. And I am so sorry you had, as a family, to make the decision to take him off the respirator. That is so painful even if you know it is the right decision. I wish you, and your family, the strength to handle the days, weeks and months ahead. I am so sorry.
@aetris
Just stay emotionally close (allowing for needed “alone time” of course.)
I ?think? that’s the best thing you can do for each other right now?
When a close family member or close friend dies, it’s like there’s a hole in the universe that can never be patched.
I think many of us have been there, if that’s of any use or comfort to you.
Good to have “normal” conversation going on around here! Thanks for doing this, Jason and meh.