Advice for newlyweds from a 30 year veteran
23@connorbush and whoever 
Congratulations and welcome to the best job you will ever have. I say “job” because you both have to work at it, and sometimes it will be the worst job you can imagine. But with work it can also be the absolute best too.
30 years here so here’s my advice to all newlyweds: communicate. When you’re mad: communicate. When you’re happy: communicate. When you’re sad: communicate. With respect. If you can’t fight and still be respectful, walk away. Take a break. Write down what thefight is about so you can and will come back to it, but take a break. Set a code word when you aren’t upset that you both agree pauses everything. This choice keeps either of you from feeling like the other person is walking out or doesn’t care, etc. We use “time out” as pour word and the discussion stops and we walk away or (more often) end up in a “safer” less volatile conversation. And when both of your heads are cooler, then finish the discussion. And stay focused. Discuss what that problem is without personal attacks or hateful, hurtful words. No name calling. No using “always” or “never” to attack the other person. Things said in anger can cause rifts you can never recovery from.
Never put your hands on the other person in less than love. Spousal assault no matter who is doing the assaulting destroys both people.
Keep your home a safe sanctuary from the crazy world we live in. Your mate is your mate. Be each other’s safe shelter. It’s important to your marriage.
I went to California for 4 months to help my sister after surgery. And while it was a joy being around my family, hubby couldn’t get any hometime out there - truck driver. He gets ‘home’ every month for about 3 days. By the second month I started trying to juggle our finances so I could sneak home for a weekend with him. My heart, my soul…whatever you want to call it, needed to see him and touch him and be in his space. He is my sanity anchor. And I needed the peace we have cultivated in our home. Sis’ house is a lesson in functional chaos and I went a little nuts, LoL.
And one more thing. Make an iron clad agreement with your partner that your business is YOUR business. Keep it out of the streets. No gossiping. No running back to your family with every disagreement or upset.
I know I’m wordy. I apologize.
A successful marriage is a choice. I didn’t get it right the first time…or the second… But I think this time WE finally got it close.
Good luck and congratulations!
And a P.S. Fellows. If you want to help your wife to be “in the mood” more often … Scientists have found that women, to a high percentage, require at least 10 (TEN) non sexual physical touches each day to help trigger “the mood”. Just a heads up 
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30+ yrs marriage here too.
I dunno about all that stuff, just find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with and stay faithful.
Also, just let her do all the crap she wants to. If she wants to redecorate the house, just smile & say OK.
If she wants to go buy a damn cat, just agree.
Lesson: Don’t sweat about the small stuff.
@daveinwarsh happy wife, happy life! My son knows that already at 12! That and “yes, dear”!
@daveinwarsh
@mikibell
@f00l can’t star the last one enough!
@daveinwarsh rule #1 don’t sweat the small stuff, rule # 2 everything is small stuff…give 60%, expect 40%…married my wife 3 months after we met, it will be 30 years this september.
Wise man marries his second wife first.
this is something we need to try, thanks @sarahsandroid
my belief is that the writing down will expose how truly mundane/inconsequential/piddling the topic of discussion is.
one struggle is avoidance of tying ‘today’s topic’ to hundreds of events over the past 35 years. so, adding to the elimination of ‘never’ and ‘always’, another suggestion would be to keep the conversation on topic, not pull in baggage from the past unrelated incidents.
Just one piece of advice. Keep your sense of humor. Both of you.
That’s it.
31+ years.
@lisaviolet True that. I’ll add -
Cut your spouse at least twice as much slack as you would like yourself.
For those who like to argue on principle, make treating your spouse with respect at all times your top principle.
Agree that whoever apologizes first is the most mature
32+ years
26 years
In our marriage we have an agreement: She gets to make all the small decisions. I get to make all the big decisions.
15+ years in and nothing big has come up yet.
Always marry the person who annoys you the least.
My brother has opinions on legal stuff (he’s a lawyer), politics, economics, sports, airplane tickets, trains, hotels, rental cars (he travels a lot), and human decency.
For all other subjects, he says “Let me ask <wife’s name> what I think about that”.
@sarahsandroid where were you for the toast?! I can’t star these enough! Thank you all!
@connorbush. Congrats on the recent nuptials.
My wife and I will celebrate 40 years this fall with a barefoot cruise in the Carib.
Lots of good advice above. I have followed (and occasionally failed to follow) virtually all of it at some time in the past 40 years.
In a nutshell, you have to commit to the task of being and staying married through thick or thin. How you work out the details with be a shared learning experience…
Good luck to you both.
Job, eh?
Looks like I got fired in '08 then.
Another tip. If something makes you mad, wait a day to talk about it. I’ve discovered maybe it doesn’t annoy me as much as I originally thought it did. 48 years in April.
Wonderful advice! Thank you so much for sharing
3 days a month together? You guys must be tough. I’d go crazy. Do you ever ride with him, or is that against insurance rules?