2020 Dec. Goat Daily Rant 09

PocketBrain went on a bit of a rant said

Rant: Pumpkin Spice and Martinis.
Callin’ stuff what it ain’t.

About this time of year (starting in November, actually) you get to seeing a lot of things that come with “Pumpkin Spice.” What does that mean? It’s the spices that somebody puts on pumpkins. They aren’t the same mix of spices, mostly Cinnamon and Nutmeg, sometimes others, sometimes not. No pumpkin, either. Just what you put on it. When I want you to pass the salt, I say “Pass the salt, please.” I don’t ask for “French Fry Spice.” Although to be fair, French fries are awesome with a light dusting of Tony Chachere’s.

Another thing you see with many misnomers is the humble Martini. A Martini is a drink with Gin and Vermouth garnished with a salty Olive or Lemon peel. But the trendy crow puts damn near anything into a traditional Martini glass and calls it a Martini. You can put cocoa powder in an Urn, but that doesn’t make it Grandpa! Strawberry Martini (it’s a daiquiri in a Martini glass!), Lemon Drop Martini (don’t fool yourself), hell, even a Vodka Martini is an impostor. And how can you call a sweet drink a Martini? A proper Martini is mostly Gin; a bitter, hateful liquor that washes the flavor out of whatever you had in your mouth. Its astringent, cleansing properties leave no room for other flavors in your mouth. And dammit, I want a Perfect Martini right now.

What things can you think of that are given names that they patently aren’t?