2020 Dec. Goat Daily Rant 02
Daily Rant 02: Salt rant.
So I was enjoying a suspiciously undersalted dish in the break room at work (mea culpa, I cooked it). I grabbed the available disposable picnic salt shaker (no way to open and refill the container) to dispense some salt. As I turned it upside-down I noticed a date printed on the bottom of the container. What could this possibly be? Being a foodstuff, it’s the obligatory expiration date. For salt.
Let me tell you a little story:
1.3 billion years ago, there was a great salty sea in an endorrheic basin. All waters that flowed into the sea left through evaporation, not flow. Thus it became steadily saltier over time. Over time, the continents moved and collided, creating a subduction zone and pushing up mountains in the west. These mountains wrung out all the water from the winds blowing in from the oceans, resulting in our salty sea drying up. Thus was created a great salt flat. The continents continued to move, and the subduction zone grew, completely burying the salt flats underground.
Fast-forward 1 billion years.
The human race matures and begins exploring the planet, including drilling into a great buried salt dome. They mine it and package it for a variety of uses, including filling up plastic picnic salt shakers.
Then they put an expiration date on the package because it’ll spoil by March.
Truth be told this salt, unfooled with, will remain salt until the Sun swells up in 5 billion years and swallows Earth, at which time it will become plasma.
This takes me back about ten years when the hair-splitters at work went through our electronics lab to remove “expired” lead-tin solder. Non-flux. Just a two-metal alloy drawn into wires. Same story, will remain so until we melt them or the planet melts.
We’re conditioned to panic and throw out anything with an “end” date on it, but often-times, it’s bullshit. An exception would be sugar-free soda; one day out of warranty and it tastes like it was sweetened with potting soil.
What things have you seen with an expiration date ridiculously inscribed?
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