We'll accept your surrender now, Amazon.

The Cola Wars of the early 1980s. The “Dial Down the Center” Massacre of 2002. The Abortive Blu-ray/HD-DVD Mini-Skirmish. And now, the Vornado Wars. An unrelenting daily-deal krapzkrieg is raging between two gargantuan colossi: Amazon and their roughly-equivalent-on-a-cosmic-scale rival Meh (us). The weapon: the Vornado 610B fan.

Wall Street investors from Jeff Bezos on down have been stricken with terror waiting for the next ruthless salvo from Meh (again, that’s our company)! Today we fire away! But how did we get here?

June 13: Amazon’s elite discount commando unit Woot offer the Vornado 610B Whole Room Air Circulator at $49.99, at the time a record low price for this American-made premium fan. A tense, eerie calm settles over the planet.

July 20: In a stunning move hailed by freedom-loving peoples everywhere, Meh (us again) offers the Vornado 610B Whole Room Air Circulator for $40, a full 20% lower than Woot’s price, and without the gimmicky, insulting .99 pricing. Meh sells a spectacular 106 units, swelling our war chest by over $4,490. Yes, that’s American dollars.

July 23: Woot responds by dropping their price on the Vornado 610B Whole Room Air Circulator to $39.99, one diabolical penny lower than Meh’s last offer. Meh (the name of our company) vows to avenge this outrageous provocation over Amazon’s dead body.

July 24: The global financial system is rocked when Amazon stock loses 10% of its value in a single day. Coincidence?

August 16: The unelected Amazon ruling junta orders Woot to drop the price on the Vornado 610B even further to $29.99. Strategic analysts interpret the move as either routine Amazon pricing policy for a clearance item, or a desperate, flailing gambit to stave off total collapse.

September 1 (today, that is): Meh (which is this website you’re at right now) escalates the already unbearable pressure on Amazon by offering the Vornado 610B for an astonishing $28. A delegation is dispatched to Seattle to negotiate Amazon’s terms of surrender.

What say you, Amazon? Have you the courage to gracefully submit in defeat? Or must we continue this senseless slaughter until one of us (you) is reduced to bloody shreds? Meh (us) stands ready to answer your next pathetic challenge. Should you raise your hand and lower your price yet again, prepare to be consumed by the devastation you call forth!

Um, assuming you guys even know who we are. We’re Meh, like it says up there. That’s what our company is called.