Press & Trim

Mr. Alliston called his son, Bert, to the study.

“You wanted to see me, father?” Bert said.

“Yes, son.” Mr. Alliston paced in front of the fire. “Why don’t you pour yourself a cognac, and I’ll explain everything.”

“A cognac? But father, I’m only nineteen!”

“There are situations in which we must bend the rules son,” Mr. Alliston said.

So, Bert poured himself a snifter and then sat in one of the wingback chairs. He waited for his father to settle into the other, but the older man could not stay still.

“What I need to talk to you about is your inheritance, Bert,” he said, still pacing. “Not the family fortune, mind you. But a certain artifact. You see, my grandfather received a package in his youth, and that package contained a mummified monkey’s paw. According to the letter with it, the paw would grant wishes to whoever possessed it.”

“That’s wonderful!” Bert said, taking a sip of his cognac and attempting to keep the grimace from his face.

“If only it could be so,” said Mr. Alliston. “But, unfortunately, each time someone wishes for something, they receive it, but in a terrible way. For example, my grandfather, while on vacation, found all his garments wrinkled. He wished for a nicely pressed shirt. The next day, he had just put on his wrinkled apparel, stepped out of the hotel, and was immediately run over by a steamroller. My father then inherited it. He had a favorite sweater, but it had grown frizzy over the years. He wished for the frizziness to abate. And it did. When the sweater caught fire. While he was wearing it.”

“That’s so tragic!” Bert said.

“I know,” conceded his father.

“Because they make products to deal with both of those things,” Bert went on, emboldened by the three sips of cognac he had taken. “In fact, they make a single product that can deal with both of them. The Sunbeam ReviveSystem 3-in-1 Steamer Iron & Fabric Shaver. It can heat up in a mere thirty seconds and provide seven minutes of continuous steam to press clothes. Plus, it packs away nicely, so you can take it anywhere. And it comes with a blade attachment for shaving fabric.”

Mr. Alliston looked on the verge of tears. “Please, son, we must focus. It’s hard enough for me to get through this without interruption.”

“Sorry, father,” Bert stammered.

“At any rate, I wanted to tell you this,” Mr. Alliston went on, “because I now feel ready to make my own wish. And I wanted you to know everything, in case something were to happen to me.”

“What will you wish?”

“For a nice hot stone massage,” said Mr. Alliston.

Bert blinked. “Wait, seriously? You’re gonna wish for hot stones? That’s obviously going to end in an avalanche or lava or something.”

Mr. Alliston stopped pacing. “Do you really think so?”

“Were you even listening to your own story?” Bert cried.

But really, his mind was elsewhere. Just mentioning the Sunbeam ReviveSystem 3-in-1 Steamer Iron & Fabric Shaver had brought the wonderful product to his mind. He wondered where he might get ahold of one at a steep discount…