SimpliSafe DEFEND Wireless Home Security System
- It’s simply safe to say SimpliSafe is a trusted name in home security.
- Control it from your Apple or your Android.
- It’s pet-friendly, so you won’t get an alert the two times a day your cat wakes up to get some water.
- You get the base station, the keypad, 2 motion detectors, 5 entry sensors, and a keychain remote.
- And peace of mind!
- (Peace of mind not actually guaranteed).
Simply SimpliSafe: A Vaudville Act
Two men, DALE and DEL, dressed in full vaudeville attire enter from opposite sides of the stage.
DALE: Say Del old pal, word around town is you bought yourself a new security system. One that you can control easily from your Apple or Android device. What’s the company that makes it, if you don’t mind my asking?
DEL: It’s SimpliSafe!
DALE: Well, I’m glad to hear that it is simply safe, my good friend! It makes sense that it would be if I’m to believe the rumor that it’s pet friendly and features a keypad, entry sensors, motion sensors, and a keychain remote. But what I’m after is the name of the people who make this exceptional product!
DEL: It’s SimpliSafe!
DALE: Yes, we’ve been over that! I couldn’t imagine it would be any less than simple and safe. Why, I heard you even installed it yourself. I’d love to get one for my house as well, if you’d just make with the name!
DEL: It’s SimpliSafe!
DALE: Ah, still withholding it are we! Even after I’ve asked so nicely, for the simple purpose of keeping my home secure while on vacation. Please, dear sir Del, make with the specifics, won’t you?
DEL: Dale, I can’t do this anymore.
DALE: You mean to tell me that you won’t… wait, what?
DEL: I can’t do this anymore. I’m done. The act is over.
DALE: Del, think about what you’re saying.
DEL: No, you think about what I’m saying, Dale! For once, I want you to try and understand me! Do you have any idea what I go through each day? Everyone is misunderstood from time to time, but me, Dale? My whole life is one big misunderstanding. I’m constantly trying to get through to you. But you’re just in it for the laughs, Dale. You’re more worried about the audience than you’re worried about me, about us.
DALE: Jeez, Del. I’m so sorry! I had no idea you felt this way.
DEL: I’ve been talking about it a lot in therapy. My therapist said maybe I should bring it up to you.
DALE: Well I’m glad you did, Del. Really, I am. Hey, how about I buy you a drink to apologize?
DEL: Really? That would be great. It’d be nice to connect. I know we see each other up here every day just about, but I miss you, man.
DALE: I miss you too, Del. So, what kind of drink do you want?
DEL: I don’t know? Old fashioned?
DALE: Well, my good friend, something old fashioned sure does sound nice, but I was looking for a specific cocktail!
DEL kicks DALE in the shin and storms off stage. Curtains.
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