In or Out

Being Dr. Madd’s live-in butler had its perks. There were entire months when he hid away in his lab, and Mr. Flynn had his days to himself, with little more to do than leave his meals at the door.

But then, of course, there were other days, when a mania would overtake Dr. Madd and he would demand that Mr. Flynn not only take care of his home but also play audience to whatever bizarre discovery or breakthrough the lauded, if not somewhat batty, scientist had stumbled upon.

Today, unfortunately, fit into the latter category.

No sooner had Mr. Flynn set down the breakfast tray and turned to leave when the door swung open and there stood his employer, his hair disheveled, his face covered with a layer of stubble, his eyes bloodshot with lack of sleep.

“Mr. Flynn, please, please, come in,” he said.

Mr. Flynn tried to hide his disappointment as he followed Dr. Madd inside.

To Mr. Flynn’s surprise, the lab was remarkably tidy. No mess of beakers, no electricity pulsing from one node to another. Instead, the workbench was clear except for a single sheet covering something long and low that Mr. Flynn could not identify.

“You may have noticed some discomfort in the recent months, Mr. Flynn,” Dr. Madd began. “The air around us? It has grown oppressive in temperature. So, I sought to create a solution to this problem, something that might remove the heat from our local atmosphere and leave us feeling pleasant and non-perspiring. Only, nothing worked. Not injecting permafrost into butterflies and letting them flutter about the room. Not feeding spiders flies frozen with liquid nitrogen so they might weave frosty webs in the ceiling beams to disperse the warmth that lingers there. Not even replacing a monkey’s skeleton with one chiseled from ice blocks and having him play a ukulele.”

“Why play a ukulele, sir?” Mr. Flynn said.

“I’ll admit that I was just in the mood for music that day,” said Dr. Madd. “But alas, each of these attempts ended, as I already said, in failure. Then, last week, this strange device arrived. I placed it upon the windowsill–as, at that time, all of these tables were crowded with half-built cold-creating creatures–and plugged it in. And what did I experience? That’s right! A decrease in temperature! So, behold! My amazing cooling device!”

Dr. Madd dramatically pulled the sheet away.

Mr. Flynn blinked. “Sir, that’s a Sharper Image by Vornado PROFILE Two-Way Window Fan.”

Dr. Madd flashed a sinister smile. “Exactly! I don’t know how I did it, Mr. Flynn! Taking air and turning it to cold air. I’ll have to run some tests before I present at conferences, of course, but soon I will be known as–”

“Sir,” Mr. Flynn. “If I may, it cooled the air down, because the air outside, which it sucks in, is cooler. It’s mid-October, sir.”

“Wait, really?” Dr. Madd looked around. “How long have I been in here?”

“About three months, sir,” Mr. Flynn said.

“Ah,” said Dr. Madd. “Then do as I say, Mr. Flynn. Acquire more of these. Install them in each and every bedroom window for the time being. As for me, I must get straight to work on my newest creation: a device… to create warmth from nothing!”

And with that, Mr. Flynn’s schedule opened back up again.