It's a waterproof helicopter, not the band.

Oh, we have to write about an aquacopter? I’ll just check Amazon for info… Huh, the only thing that comes up when you search for “aquacopter” on Amazon is a band called the Aquacopters. They must be a huge band to completely own an Amazon search term like that - no way would Amazon screw that up. So let me put on the music-critic hat I earned writing for Pitchfork (it’s a foam-front trucker cap (it was the early 2000s, after all)) and dive into the Aquacopters’ discography for a comprehensive career retrospective!

Wet Rocks: the Aquacopters’ Bladest Hits

The debut single, “Night Train to Shambhala”, kicked off global Aquacopters mania when it dropped way back in September 2014. Here, at last, was a contemporary act who weren’t relying on sex appeal, as proven by the cover photo:

From the first seconds of that monotonous drumbeat through every pseudo-Arabian wail and brutally simple synth hook, to a bunch more pseudo-Arabian wailing and a lot more of that same drumbeat and those same synth hooks, “Night Train to Shambhala” was the Aquacopters’ uncompromising declaration to the world: here was a band in which at least one member had an Amazon account.

But how can you possibly follow up such a, let’s say, self-assured debut? Just three weeks after the arid trudge through the synth-blasted desert wastes that was “Shambhala” came the refreshing waves and seagull cries that open “The Dead Sea Scrolls”, the Aquacopters’ second single. There’s a few seconds of a voice that kind of sounds like a Welsh Muppet before the seagulls take over to glide the synth washes to the fadeout. Daringly, the Aquacopters mix the wave and seagull sound effects louder than the music itself, as if to challenge the listener to pay attention. It’s a challenge that lamestream listeners, brainwashed by pablum pop songs with engaging melodies and compelling rhythms, will not be equal to. The rest of us are free to frolic in the crashing waves on this virtual beach where it sounds like a band might be playing a block or two away.

On “The Dead Sea Scrolls”, the Aquacopters signaled their widescreen ambitions by doing something they’d never before dared: including a second song. The enigmatically/ineptly titled “01 BIg AL.” (sic) is credited to “The Aquacopters feat. Pilchard aka Richard Smith”, and the chemistry of these two or possibly three amazing artists yields a dark, repetitive, really really repetitive electro dance-scape. You can practically see the credits to a straight-to-VHS Italian/Korean action thriller from 1988 scrolling up the screen, except none of those movies would have had end credits this long. In Pilchard aka Richard Smith, the Aquacopters have found a kindred spirit unafraid to ride a singular groove much further than lesser and/or greater talents would.

What’s next for the Aquacopters? Will their next release have three songs? Will one of them maybe have a bridge or breakdown or chorus or some other musical signal that time is passing? One thing is for sure: they sold three MP3s to me today. And the first three copies of Thriller had to sell before the next 40 million could, right?