T2P (Time 2 Prune)

The problem with professionals is that they’re so goddamn professional.

They’ve got equipment, and trucks, and expertise, and shit. And they bring all that with them on every job, regardless of the size. Which means every job they do costs a whole bunch of money.

You need your sewer scoped and some roots in the line hydro-jetted out? That’s gonna cost you a pretty penny. You need someone to come and, like, tighten a bolt somewhere because one of your hose bibs is steadily dripping? That’s going to cost less. But you’re still going to be looking at anywhere from $80 to $150 just to get someone to your house.

Tree-trimming, though, is on a whole different level. It’s not: how big is the job? It’s: how high is the job? They need to get up there in a lift, ensure the branches fall at the right angle, all that stuff. Hence, a ludicrous-looking price tag for what amounts to a small bit of pruning. And you SHOULD pay that hefty price tag, by the way, because for a job way up in the tree, you want it done right. An amateur doesn’t just risk things looking ugly; they risk hurting themselves, the neighbors, and the tree in the process.

But, like, if you’ve got some trimming to do on a branch you can jump up and touch–it kinda sucks to pay $500 to get that done, right?

That’s where this thing comes in: for the little jobs that would be a waste of a professional’s time, and a waste of money for you. Basically, anything where the risk of a miscalculated angle amounts to a firm bonk on the head and little else.

Of course, you want to make sure you know what you’re doing. Like, for example, certain trees shouldn’t be cut in certain seasons; otherwise, you risk spreading diseases. And then there’s also a matter of ensuring you’re mentally ready for the task at hand. You want to relax and set your mind at ease while also concentrating deeply on what needs to be done.

And the way to do that? Create a jovial yet focused environment by playing some music while you work. Specifically, make a playlist of good tree-related songs to keep your mind from wandering too far. You know, we’re talking great tracks like:

• “Footspruce”
• “Oak on the Water”
• “I Would Do Anything Fir Love (But I Won’t Do That)”
• “Move Birch”
• “The Monster Ash”
• “Rockaway Beech”
• “The Boy Is Pine”
• “If You Cedar, Say Hello”
• “Olive My Love”
• “WAP (Willow, Almond, Palm)”

Pretty stupid, huh? But this saw is not. It’s pretty serious. So buy it if you want it.