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Nespresso Vertuo Espresso & Coffee Machine with Milk Frother (Refurbished)

  • It’s a little machine that produces magical garbage and a negligible espresso byproduct.
  • The hip youth of my local coffee shop make me feel often like a lame childless dad, but the Nespresso never judges me.
  • It can make anything from an espresso shot to a full cup of coffee.
  • Also includes an Aeroccino 3 for making hot or cold milk froth
  • Make sure you buy pods for the right Nespresso model.
  • Model: BNV250CRO1BUC1, because it’s really Big in Nevada, and also 250 countries around the world, including Croatia, home of 1 Big University and also the Cooler 1.
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A True Espression Of Self

Coming soon, to a theater near you:

[Fun, upbeat music plays]

Gwen has a great job…

GWEN: Your honor, my client is not guilty.

JURY: We the jury hereby find the defendant not guilty and the lawyer really cool.

…the perfect marriage…

DEAN: Hey, honey! Check it out! While I was delivering all those puppies at the vet, I grew a new bicep!

…and the perfect apartment.

GWEN’S FRIEND: I didn’t know they made a bed bigger than a California King.

GWEN: It’s called a California Plus Nevada King.

The only problem is her family…

[Record scratch]

…might not see it that way.

GWEN: [on the phone] You’re coming to visit? From Italy?

DEAN: So what if your grandfather wants to visit?

GWEN: You don’t understand. He doesn’t know what I do. He thinks I’m an award winning classic Italian-style barista, just like my father, just like him, and just like his father before that. The truth would be too much for him to handle! What am I going to do?

DEAN: There is one thing… but it’s risky…

[Scheming dramatic music plays]

DEAN: It’s called a Nespresso Vertuo. And it makes coffee shop quality espresso from a little pod.

GWEN: I don’t know if this is going to work…

DEAN: You don’t really have a choice.

Sometimes, it’s not about the risks we take.

GRANDPA: Ah, my little conchiglie! Thanks-uh for pickin-uh me up at the airpor! Now, how’s-uh ‘bout some espress’.

GWEN: Right here, Grandpa!

GRANDPA: Mwuh! It’s-uh mag-uh-nifi-cent!

[Sentimental, hopeful music plays]

It’s about trying to be someone else…

GRANDPA: But-uh, Gwen! What-uh are you-uh doing with-uh that Nespresso Vertuo machine-uh?!

GWEN: Grandpa, you weren’t supposed to see this!

…only to learn what it means to be yourself.

GRANDPA: Why-uh you lie to grandpa-pa?

GWEN: I just didn’t want you to be disappointed in me.

GRANDPA: But my little conchiglie, no! I’m-uh not disappointed at all-uh!

GWEN: Really?

GRANDPA: No! Now-uh, when I-uh made a cup of-uh th’espress speciale for Fellini and he-uh spit it in my face-uh and say, “Arrivederci,” that’s a disappointment! Mwuh!

GWEN: Wait, what? That doesn’t make any sen–

This summer, it’s time to:

Title Screen:

ESPRESSO YOURSELF

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