I tawt I taw licensed character merchandise.

Hey guys, who wants a Sylvester or Tweety MP3 players? More like, who doesn’t want one? Our love for Looney Tunes is matched by few living humans. In fact, we’re going to stop writing this right now and watch several hours of Looney Tunes cartoons.

OK, we’re back. Anyway, these MP3 players aren’t very loud and they don’t have any display to see what you’re listening to. But on the plus side, they can be used as USB drives, and they have a built-in speaker along with earbuds, and Sylvester and Tweety rule. You want this because you are, or know, at least one of these people:

Children: Especially children whose parents have excellent taste in cartoons. With all the crap out there, it takes some effort to expose your kids to the classics these days. And we don’t mean unwatchable drek like ThunderCats or Laff-A-Lympics. Looney Tunes cartoons will still be masterpieces when She-Ra and Grape Ape are finally buried in the landfill of cartoon history. And maybe that lack of volume is a good thing for kids’ delicate ears.

Imminent birthday party hosts: Skip the baggie full of bad candy and plastic ball-in-cup games. Nobody wants that. Buy up to 12 of these and send your little guests home with freaking LOONEY TUNES MP3 PLAYERS. It’s how Tom Haverford would roll.

Looney Tunes freaks: You know the type. Maybe your skin has been marked with a Bugs Bunny tattoo. Maybe you sleep in a Pepé Le Pew nightgown. Maybe you hit the town in a matching Foghorn Leghorn-embroidered denim jacket and cap. Maybe your ride is a Tasmanian Devil donk. If you’re one of those seemingly normal adults who inexplicably and wonderfully surround themselves with Looney Tunes merch, add this to the collection.

“Cubicle flair” decorators: You know the type: those people whose workspaces are adorned with action figures and desk toys and sea monkeys and theme-park dress-up daguerreotypes. Throw a couple of these in there for extra flair.

Anyone who needs a couple of cheap 8GB USB sticks: This group includes anyone who needs a couple of cheap 8GB USB sticks.

Nostalgic singles: You haven’t had kids - unless you count your inner child! And you don’t need kids to enjoy kid stuff, especially stuff that evokes the funnest moments of your own childhood. Every time you transfer some files, it’ll be Saturday morning all over again.

Friends of actor/director Sylvester Stallone or Wilco frontman Jeff Tweedy: Oh, man. The looks on their faces will be PRICELESS.