Eufy RoboVac 15T Robot Vacuum

  • Sucks so hard!
  • By which we mean: it has great suction
  • Can increase its suction power when it senses more to clean up
  • Low profile so it’ll get around easy
  • Very quiet
  • Model: H41L-0UR-R080T-UND3RL0RD5
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Let The Robots Do It

One of my favorite words is “retronym.” It applies to words or phrases that need to retroactively be changed in order to make way for the emergence of something new. For example, “acoustic guitar” is a retronym because, after Nikola Tesla invented the electric guitar and opened a gateway to a new dimension of shredding, you couldn’t just say “guitar” anymore when talking about the wooden one with the hole in the middle.

Now, what I’m not so sure about is whether there’s a word for something that arises and necessities a retronym, only to then overtake the original. The word “phone” is like this, in a way. When you say “my phone” you are likely referring to your cellphone or, more specifically, your smartphone. On the other hand, if you want to discuss an old-school, plug-it-into-the-wall model, you will almost definitely call it by its full retronym: the landline phone. In other words, the newer variety has assumed the identity of the original, thus trapping the original in its retronym form.

So, what do you call that? A usurp-o-nym?

That’s what I’m wondering, at least. (And I’m actually wondering it; feel free to let me know if I’ve overlooked some really basic word in the comments.) What you might be wondering is what any of this has to do with robot vacuum cleaners. To which I would respond with a question: how come the robot vacuum cleaner has not ascended to the status of a usurp-o-nym? Or, to put it bluntly: why does anyone vacuum anymore when robots can do it for us?

Take this eufy. It’s got super powerful suction that increases in strength when it senses more to clean up. It’s low-profile enough to get under most furniture. It’s not super loud. And at just $119, it’s way cheaper than a Roomba.

So why doesn’t everyone have one? Like, we get that there will always be hipsters out there, typing on typewriters and making pour-over coffee, who will tell you there’s a certain je ne sais quoi about a rug that’s been “hand-vacuumed.” But for the rest of us? Those of us who love our dishwashers and microwaves? Why don’t we all have robot vacuums so we can devote more time to scrolling Instagram on our smartphones or learning killer solos on our electric guitars?

There’s really no valid answer for that, especially when you can find one priced like this. So buy it, already!

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