AlcoHAWK Ultra Slim Digital Breathalyzer
- You blow into it, and it tells you, on an easy-to-read digital screen, how many sheets to the wind you are.
- You get 3 little blow-y tube things, so multiple people can blow into without fear of saliva exchange.
- Model: Slim Ultra, which definitely sounds like a brand of cigarettes the cool kids would smoke.
Happy 4th (or 5th or 6th)!
That should be a simple question, right? How much have you had to drink? It’s not advanced calculus. It’s barely math at all. It’s counting.
At least, you’d think so. But, for every instance where your booze-intake is linear, there are ten other times when it’s a bit more complicated.
For example:
When there’s a few bottles of wine going around, or maybe a pitcher of beer or margarita. Not to mention that friend who’s overeager to play the good host, making frequent rounds to ensure all glasses are filled to top like coffee mugs during the breakfast rush at a diner. And so, while you’ve reached the bottom of your cup only twice, your consumption might be double or perhaps even triple that.
Or…
You’re drinking craft beer. You think that your tolerance is a brew or two, but what if the brew you’ve just ordered is basically hop-wine? Or was brewed strong to start and has been aged in bourbon barrels for the better part of two years, thus giving it the potency of a hearty aparatif, while still being served in glasses sized for something with a 4%abv? Can you still handle two of those?
Or…
You just happened to go to the place that hired everyone’s favorite mixologist off twitter (you know the one), whose idea of a rum punch is a stein of rum with a fistful of frozen pineapples floating on top, and three splashes of invisible grenadine.
Or…
It’s that kind of night (or day) when the heat, the light quality, the noise of the bar (or cookout or apartment), and all the fun your having just combines in such a way as to fuzzy the details and turn the question of “wait, what number is this?” into the sort of case cracked only by the worthiest of Mehsterpiece Theatre sleuths.
The point is, how many drinks is not always as simple as making your hand into a fist and then extending your thumb, followed by your index finger, followed by your middle finger, and so on. And if you’re feeling like you’ve had too much to drive home or to have another–or you’re worried your friend has had too much to drive home or have another–you should probably just act on that feeling. Get an Uber, close your tab, call your friend a taxi, etc.
But if you feel the need for some numbers to back you up, then this little guy, flawed as it may be–flawed as anything that purports to give you exact numerical readings may be–can definitely come in handy.
